Mirror

I had crazy amazing sex with the bf today.... It went on for ages. It was the type of sex that makes you think HHHhhhoooOOOoolyyyyy FFfffuuuuucccckkkk.

We've been on edge and sort of bikering lately. I've been horny as hell with the heat here as well but wasn't getting any from him. Not the slightest interest in me.

He came home from the beach this eve and we were still in a bickering mood, but he came over and hugged me at one point. Then the phone rang, and as he talked his hand slid under my skirt to find I had no panties on. He pulled me closer to grind his cock into my pelvic bone, his hand slipping between my wet lips.

He spoke on the phone while I grabbed at his hard cock... he tried to cut the conversation short and when he finally did he took a chair from the dining table in one hand, my hand in the other and pulled us both towards the full length mirror we have in the hall.... (the one I took the last pics in).

He sat down, and he pulled me onto him, both of us facing the mirror. He pulled my dress up spread my legs, my lips and fingered me, watching every move in the mirror. His hand slid up pulling my dress up, exposing me my breasts. It was too hot to fight with it, I threw the dress off to be completely naked, he dropped his shorts and plunged his cock deep into me fast.

The fucking went on for ages, there was a lot of me stimulating my clit because being fucked from behind there generally is no natural clitoral stimulation. We must have changed positions 20 times, it was mostly him fucking me from behind. But then he got the idea that he wanted to slip into my ass.... so I grabbed the lube and slowly accommodated him.... it was amazing how good it felt. I forget how good it can be. Luckily he's not huge, otherwise.... um.... I'm sure it would hurt.

He pounded me standing, legs spread in front of the mirror, hands on either side on the wall. When my legs started to give he sat with me on top of him, I worked my clit, dipping an occasional finger in. And then I turned to face him, slipped him back into my ass and ground down hard.

When I came, I came harder than I remember coming in ages. He was still fucking my ass, me facing him, I would turn and watch his cock slide into my ass, as he spread my cheeks.... Now I've never seen myself being fucked in the ass before but I have to admit that it was HOT.... I mean damn.... if I may say so myself. I leaned back at one point, I couldn't reach my clit well enough I guess, but I leaned, he pushed a finger into my pussy and I went furiously to work on my clit and I came. Hard and long.

He took a break in the washroom to rinse off and I ran in to douse myself in cold water. We were sweating like crazy, consider it's 35 degrees here. I asked him what he wanted to do, he never knows what to answer when I ask him that. He just answered with an "I don't know" and proceeded to help himself so I dropped to my knees took him in my mouth, looked up at him as he came all over my tits.

Ahhh then a cold shower. Soooo nice. We both jumped in, he rinsed quickly then left me to wash properly. My legs are sore.... no doubt my legs will hurt tomorrow.... but it was definitely worth it.

When?

I had a fun email talk with Rob yesterday it was short and sweet as it always is with him. It started with me texting him to ask if he knew how to swim. It's funny we've known each other for ages but there are random things I don't know about him. I was at the beach and was thinking about how he hates the beach, which made me think of the random question.
Then I got to thinking about something he had said a while back and decided to send him an email to ask about it. The answer was short and simple and really didn't answer the question. But I accepted it, it's just the epitome of men I think: short, super simple and often not as detailed as a woman would like.

When I answered with a laugh and calling him my nickname for him, he answered with "When are you going to swallow my cum again?"

It was something that technically he's not allowed to ask yet... or, well, I guess he is. See, While in Birm he asked me if it would be the last time, I think slightly hopefully that I'd say yes. I said that he couldn't ask me to make that decision right then. It was the first day and right after we'd had sex. I did also hypothesize that it probably wouldn't be the last time for me, but that ultimately it was a decision he had to make on his own.

Not too long ago (maybe two months ago) he asked me when I was coming to see him, and I told him that he wasn't allowed to ask me that yet it was too soon.... It's only been what, 4 months??

So when he asked this time I answered "When you want" and then came back with the question "when are you going to lick my clit again?". As I expected he didn't answer.

At times I wonder if deep down he doesn't want to go through with another meeting, hence the question in Birm. I wonder if he wanted me to say that "yes it would be the last time" in Birm... I think though that he knows I'd never break it off so the question is sort of 'safe', in a sense.

I think at times we've both contemplated stopping. When I was back from London I could have easily let go. I'm not sure exactly why. All I know is I was feeling so sure of my love for him that I felt I could let go of him and survive. But after a month, that sensation of simplicity and ease evaporated and I'm back to the craving I've always had for him.

I suppose you can't erase over 10 years (the length of time we've known each other) of that feeling. Even if we were living together I think I'd somehow need it.... It's my fuel.

This is also part of the reason why I say I'm not fit for any relationship. I constantly need *something*.... it's just hard for me to put a finger on what it is that would make me *whole* and not need anything at all.

Speak

So I met Rob online today, it was pure chance though, he wasn't expecting me to be free and I wasn't expecting him to be online. It was a quick getting me off, although I had just gotten myself off not 10 minutes before he texted me. I was expecting the bf to be back at any minute too so it was sort of naughty and dangerous. Thankfully the bf didn't come back and I got off quick while Rob just watched.

Fact is that he wants me to talk, and I want to learn to talk but I don't know what I should say. I sometimes know what I'd like to say but I get so f#@ing shy that I can't get a word out.

I'm not sure how to go about training myself either, because I want to overcome this thing. I'm not even sure why I fear speaking so much.

There have been times when I could get some things out.... but it sort of stops there. I need help.... any suggestions?

Serious ones....

What do men like to hear?

Worried...

I'm worried.  The artist/musician that I've mentioned in posts before, the one whose blog I stumbled on a while back now, has broken up with his "new" girlfriend. He has been drawing and posting his pictures on FB but they are manic and very depressive, some (one in specific) alluding to suicide.

Today though, on his blog, he wrote a simple sentence finishing with "you killed me". I just hope he hasn't done anything stupid.

I think I may be the only person that knows him who reads his blog. He wrote the post at 2am this morning local time west coast North America. It's now late morning and there's been no sign of him on FB.... could be normal I suppose... It's Saturday.

Man... I have no way of getting in touch with anyone around him apart from sending emails or private messages on FB to his friends.... I doubt that's the thing to do.

I guess I'll just wait.... and see what happens.

Here's to hoping.

**update, he's fine... He posted on fb... Ugh.. Thank goodness. **

40 Degree heat

Rob
Bf was away for two nights. He just got back. It was nice to be alone for a bit, again. I got the chance to talk to some old friends. I was hoping to catch Rob and make him get me off. He sent me an email, saying that he'd be on this morning. He texted to tell me he was on right when bf got home. Luckily bf had to go straight out and will be out until evening.

So we hooked up on Skype. He talked to me, looked me in the eyes, told me about how he fucked me, how I'd swallowed his cum, how his warm cum covered my face, how he slipped his fingers inside me and stroked my g-spot.... how he spanked me, fucked me from behind, licked me while he stared into my eyes.
I came and came again, and then he asked me if we could cum together. And we did.

I realize though that I've been overwhelmed by a need for him that is much stronger than it should be. I need to feel the same reassuring calmness that I felt when I got back from London. The drug like craving was gone... that's the only thing I can compare it to, a frantic need. When I got back from London it was so much easier. I didn't feel that, I didn't feel the urge to get in touch constantly. I didn't crave his emails, his texts, his presence on Skype. I was at ease about everything, I was calm.... How do I get that back without seeing him?

Co-Worker
He's been pretty good these days. I often don't get things with him. But I'm trying to stop paying too much attention to it. Yesterday I wore an asymmetrical top that had just one shoulder. He told me to cover my shoulder. He called my name, stared me straight in the eyes and (fake) shyly showed me his middle finger as he would do in Greece.
Today he repeated the middle finger trick, but then giggled a little boy giggle and head butted my shoulder..... WTF??

I don't really care but I can't really ignore it. I generally don't play along much though. I smile or laugh and say thanks and walk away. I don't know how to react. So I just walk away from the situation. I suppose I get a little flustered and have difficulty thinking of good answers.

I know, it's never going to change... he's not going to give in, and neither am I, but I think about it...There's this step that I sit on where we work, I sit and talk to the others who are working, and If he stands next to me, which is common, he is at a perfect height to go down on. The urge is so strong sometimes. I fantasize about it on occasion. That... or the small work closet that we sometimes end up in together, it's small, it has a dirty work table. I was in there the other day when he came in to wash something. The table faces away from the sink, I was doing something on the table my back turned to him. Another recurring fantasy is that he comes up behind me in there and wraps his hands around me.... bites my neck and runs his hand up my skirt.

With my urgent need for Rob these days I think I look for distractions too. So fantasies about the Co-Worker are easier, they keep my mind off Rob a bit. Substitutions, distractions. They feel like cheating. I feel guiltier about it than cheating on my bf....  heh, how does that work?

500 POST - HNTribute

500 POST PARTAY!

As a celebration for my 500 (most published some not) posts I am doing a tribute to HNT.
Alas HNT doesn't exist anymore, I miss it as I'm sure many of you do.

There are three pics total. Have fun on the hunt!

These pics were taken during my masquerade mentioned in the last two posts. 

My last post "What She Wants" describes it best.

Please don't post the answers to where they are in the comments :D 

p.s. if you are using your phone only the third pic may be difficult to access. If so contact me and I'll help you out.

What She Wants

The trick is to drag it out as slowly as possible. I'm sure it's the same for most people but I make a ritual of it when the bf isn't home. I wish he would make a ritual of it at times. Not always, just on occasion. I crave ritual. It makes me wet. I just love the anticipation and the build-up.

Today, for example, it started with putting on make-up. I never, or rarely wear any make-up in public. I love playing with it though. I love mixing and creating on my own face. It's a bit like a blank canvas.

Today it was the dirty blond with smokey eyes and dark red lips that came out to play. I needed someone agressive and naughty. I have been in a shitty mood, had arguments with the bf and am feeling a little weak. So The dominatrix came out to play today, the woman who would whip you, tie you up and make you beg to have her suck your cock.

She's a slut, but would pin you to the wall by your neck if you told her that to her face. Then, she might go down on you.

She wears knee high black leather boots, corsets and black lace panties. Her hair is worn high on her head in a savage, messy ponytail that cascades onto her shoulders.

She wants a fight and she picks one specifically to get you to try to dominate her. She wants to wrestle and force you to take over. She wants to put up a fight while you pin her to the table and take out your agression on her body.

She's angry and her only desire is to be fucked into submission. She wants to be fucked with everything you've got to give her. She wants your cock so deep inside her that it makes her eyes water. She expects her mouth to be fucked so deep she can't breathe, so she comes up gasping for air. She wants your hand around her ponytail pulling and forcing her head back and obviously forth. She will run her blood red nails down your legs, scratching to make you stop but expects you to continue.

She wants to be misused, abused and treated like hell and she will try to do the same to you. She will put up a fight, because it's the fight she's after. It's what makes her cum.

About tomorrow's post:

I fucked myself silly today.

I've scheduled a post tomorrow about how I am feeling today, I know, sorry, it's a bit backwards. I couldn't modify what I'd written on that post to say what I need to say, so I'm writing this.

I came hard the second time round. I was on my back on the bed and it was so strong that I was overwhelmed. My head turned to the side and I saw him staring at me, his unforgettable eyes set on mine. He was there, unmistakably there, with one hand propping up his head watching me. A ghost of my longing of course. I was back in Birmingham, back in that moment when the tears almost came but I didn't let them. This time I let them.

And I cried, I burst into sad solitary tears. What a freak I am.

It's been a shitty day, with a masquerade and two orgasms to fill in the emptiness.

You'll all enjoy the post tomorrow. I am warning you though, it's a little harsh.

Mas o Meno / More or Less

As much as things have been good the past few days I've got a sort of cloud over my head. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I'm just assuming it's my day to day situation.

The good things in the past few days have been:
-The possibility to talk to Rob a few times.
-Bought concert tickets for a band that I've been hoping to see for AGES
-Talking to good friends throughout the week.
-Work is good, Co-Worker is normal, not too flirty, just normal.
-Blog has an average of 70 visits a day. I'm pretty happy about that. So thanks to the followers!
-Summer is almost here, it is hot enough to wear tank tops and skirts.

Negative things:
-Bf has been a little over affectionate these days and I'm just not feeling it with him. He hasn't really tried to make a move on me, sexually, in ages, and I haven't really been up to initiating except when he's not around.
-I'm still relatively fed up with technology these days and I force myself not to check my email or social networks too often.
-I'm constantly thinking about a studio space. I have ideas I need to get out.
-I feel sometimes (often) like I'm a terrible influence on the people around me. I corrupt people and lure them into situations they have some wish to be in but that perhaps isn't what they really want. It's most common with my girlfriends, but also with the men I befriend. They are participants, but I find that my influence is crucial to their decisions. Sometimes (often) I feel guilty about their decisions... I am projecting my own subconscious feelings... That's what my father would say.

Eyes don't lie

Rob

So for those of you who were wondering what I finally decided to do, I sent the pictures, a whole slew of them. I sent them this morning and by afternoon I got a text asking what he'd deserved to get such yummy pictures. 

I just answered that I was missing him. He was free that afternoon, I was working, I got off work early but then he didn't come on line before I had to be home so we missed each other. 

Still it was nice to hear from him and hear how much he enjoyed the pics.

Co-Worker

Co-worker seemed ecstatic to see me today, who knows why. After what happened last week I admit I was a little confused. I guess the time over the weekend calmed his nerves a bit. He even gave me his evil grin and showed me his middle finger... Code he used in greece to tell me I was looking good to him or something. It should be an interesting week. 

The Rest

My mood has improved, a little, especially because of Rob and of course getting back to work is always better for me. But there's still that nagging feeling I need to get a move on. 

I found out today that one of my not so close friends has cancer. It makes me sad. She's a strong woman but I saw her very very morally low. Me and a mutual friend tried to cheer her up, but it's hard when you aren't 100% yourself either.... Ugh I feel terrible saying that, I have nothing compared to what she's going through.

Intimacy again

I was thinking about intimacy again after answering some comments on my recent intimacy post. I think it sounds a little silly, but to be honest part of the connection for me is in the eyes. There's no joke saying that eyes are a mirror of a person's soul. The look that I saw in Rob's eyes that last morning during sex in Birm was similar to the look on his face on the last morning of our first overnight meeting.  And we weren't having sex that last morning. We were just biding our time, waiting for check-out time. 

Fact is, it may not be mutual. It may be just my perception of things. But for now I have to say that you need that eye contact to make the deepest connection. It may not be the only connection and it certainly isn't the only type of intimacy there is. But eyes don't lie.

It also connects in with Co-Worker because he often stops in front of me and looks me straight in the eyes. It's not the same kind of connection, it's less intimate, but you can feel the electricity bouncing off our skin when he does that.

I think therefore I am?

I've been a little down. There's a whole series of reasons. I've been put into a funk especially because I've talked to two friends recently, the ones I mentioned in my relationship post, who both said that I should really get my act together and get cracking on what I want.
I feel like I haven't moved as far as I wanted to in these past months since the attempted break up with the bf. I had promised myself that I would find a solution and I haven't. So I'm angry at myself I guess.

Another reason for being down is that I haven't really heard from Rob in quite a while. I did catch him briefly last friday... not yesterday but the week before. He's busy. I know he's busy. I keep telling myself that's what it is. He even emailed me saying that he might be online Thursday night. I sent him an email asking him to text me if he couldn't get on. So I waited, and waited, and waited some more. He never showed, and there was no email or text saying he wouldn't make it.
I tried to distract myself with other things, I tried not to think about it, I just ignored it.

The morning after, Friday I got a text from the bf (who was away for 4 days) saying he'd be back in the afternoon. The mixture of hearing that bf was on his way back and not having seen Rob online or even hearing from him made me so sad that I cried. Rob's absence affects my mood much more than I'd like it to. I'm forcing myself not to check my email as often.
And I think I'll force myself not to email him. I feel like I'm weighing and nagging somehow. Even though logically my brain tells me I'm not. So I'm torn between sending him the song (which I haven't sent him yet, sending him hot naked or partially naked pictures of myself, which I haven't done in ages or not sending anything (which is sort of the one that I'm leaning towards). I feel like I need to detox.

After the tears yesterday I decided to write a stream of consciousness letter to myself. I wrote it and then stuffed it into my diary and haven't read it since. I have no memory really of what's there. I should probably read it, but I know that it's going to be harsh. I think a lot of it is about how little I've done and what I really want. But seeing it written, black on white, will probably be pretty hard to handle.

A friend suggested I write goals down. It makes them harder to ignore. I think I should heed that advice.

'Functional Relationship' is an Oxymoron

I really don't believe that 'functional' relationships exist...

I've gone through this with a couple people today. And the reason for me talking about functional relationships with friends is because two other girlfriends are falling out of their relationships and moving towards "finding themselves".

I guess that to be able to determine whether functional relationships exist you need to define what a functional relationship is and I don't think that's easy.
There's what society says is a functional relationship, and there's what actually is functional, and there's what each individual personally believes is functional.

The fairy tale (society's version of a) relationship: a husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend or the common-law couple. They are "happily" married or living together. There are kisses and hugs, some level of intimacy as well as trust and honesty and sex. There are bumps and difficulties along the way but they are worked out and the challenges make the couple grow together.

My best friend said that for her a functional relationship is one that shifts and changes with the people in it. The relationship itself will present challenges to overcome, and the individuals involved will also grow and change which will, in turn, create challenges to overcome. So challenges could be anything from cheating to money to sex... to whatever else couples fight and bicker about. They are constant. If any one or both of the individuals stagnate, or if the relationship (so the interaction of the two people) stagnates then the relationship will not work, or it will need a drastic shift.

It obviously includes all of that, although I had never really concentrated on that aspect of things. I think I can safely add though that relationships need to have two WHOLE people to begin with. Two people who know who they are and what they want in life.
The individuals need to be compatibile. This is one of the hardest things to find because compatibility is a vast pool of things: sex, trust, character, intimacy (which is the one I lack most in mine I think), social, language, customs, habits, expectations (this is a big one in terms of how a person views how relationships should be), work and hours, biological clocks, age, religion, race... and that's just to name a few. I'm sure I've missed some important ones too.

Sure, love can transcend many of those things, like age, religion and race but if you do transcend them in the beginning, they can come back to bite you. When they do, it then obviously ties into the changes and adaptation that couples need to face in a relationship.

There are other things that love can't transcend, things that are hidden in the beginning of a relationship that you realize aren't compatible with who you are until years have gone by. Things like social compatibility. Living in a relationship with a person from another social setting can be overcome short term but that can arise as a problem much later in a relationship. The level of intimate output or expectation of intimacy needs to be the same otherwise one person will always "expect" something more from their partner.

I think that managing to make all of these things work together is EXTREMELY difficult. It's a bit like looking into an old clock without being a watchmaker. You have all these wheels and cogs and mechanisms that you are trying to get to fit together and make them work.

Question is where do you draw the line and say this is functional enough for me, I will pursue the challenges the relationship throws me, I will grow with it? Or vice versa say this is not the right relationship for me, I cam not compatible with my partner, I am not willing to invest more precious time.

What Men are Missing about Intimacy.

I have been talking, or rather emailing some guy who has a very strange blog and hobby. He randomly picks people to have "conversations" with and then publishes the conversations on his blog. He's passing it off as a script that he wrote. I figured it would be entertaining and so I accepted when he asked if I'd participate.

He's a nut... I think... or maybe he's just pretending to be a nut. In any case the topic of intimacy came up.  He didn't have any real concept of intimacy beyond sex. My good friend Advizor and I had a good long conversation about it and it seems that most men just don't think of intimacy in any other way other than sex.

The strange thing is that a very important boyfriend of mine (before the current BF) was actually super intimate all the time, but he was also a nut. He considered himself a Shaman of sorts. But he did introduce me to the most intimate relationship I could have ever possibly imagined. I've never experienced anything like it since either. One of the first things he said to me was that I had to open up to him if I wanted to have a relationship with him. So I did. I opened myself up so far that he wrapped his little tendrils around everything inside of me and I mean that in the most metaphysical sense possible. He then cheated on me after he asked me to marry him, and I was devastated. But that is a little off topic.

Men don't understand that women (or maybe it's just me?) want, need and crave intimacy with them. That doesn't necessarily mean sex, although it might be part of it. Intimacy, in my view, is something that goes way beyond sex. It has more to do with an emotional connection. Advizor brought up honesty. Honesty is definitely a part of intimacy and being 100% open with someone promotes intimacy, but being 100% open is not necessarily an intimate act.

The way that I experienced intimacy with the "Shaman" was actually through a very deep sharing of.... hm this might sound weird... but the only way I can describe it is energy. An example could be spending time naked in bed without having sex, without anything sexual going on. Just a close study of each other, looking into each other on a spiritual level. Understanding with and without words who that person is, what their soul is like, what their heart and energy is like. It's something that happens naturally during sex on occasion and I think that's where men get confused. The same or similar events could also happen outside in a park or on a train ride or any other random place (minus the nudity of course). It could just simply consist in a sense of complicity between the two. It's just a matter of connection between the two people. That's it.... the connection.

I figure that if men could understand that not-so-simple principle. They'd have it pretty much made.

I'm a Temptress Vampire

I stopped by work today. I wasn't working but I needed to drop something off so I decided to stop by late and see if I could convince Co-worker and my girlfriend to have lunch with me. Short of it is that I had about 2 hours to kill there so we chatted.

It was the three of us. Co-worker my other co-worker who's a woman and me. So many 'us' (CoW and I) related things were said that I can't even sum it all up without forgetting something.

We talked a good long time about relationships and cheating. Co-worker and I were trying to convince our girlfriend, who recently (three years ago) got married, that the temptation to cheat doesn't come in the first few years of marriage but after a longer relationship, 7-10 years. I tried to keep out of it, but he was clearly talking from experience. He said that "temptation is a bastard" and you don't really have control over it. Things in the long term relationship change, they cool down and you start looking around.

Later he told me that he was heading south for a holiday in a month or so. He's headed straight for my bf's home town... freaky strange. It's a tiny town that no-one has ever heard of, there's nothing much there, but he's headed there with his gf for his summer holidays. Apparently he has friends there.

During the same time frame there's a concert I know he'd love to see and that I'd definitely love to see. I asked if he was going and he said yes. I almost fainted. I said that he owed me a favour and that he owes me a ride to the concert, it's not in my town but not too far away. He said 'absolutely not', laughing under his breath. He does owe me a big favour. But I can totally see why he'd never go with me. The temptation would be too huge. I was already there though imagining another evening in bed with him... Whatever, he's not going, he was pulling my leg about it, he'll be on holiday in my bf's town during the concert.

He said all sorts of things about me being a temptation for him. He offered to send me to the concert with a couple of his friends, clearly specifying they were single guys and that it would be "ok" that way. I then reminded him that it wasn't that ok that I'd have no way to explain it to the BF... I mean seriously what could I possibly tell the bf, "hey I'm off to see the concert with two guys I don't know."? He laughed at me and said "see we're in the same position".

He mentioned something about his gf and her views of me. Something like it wasn't enough that we went to Corfù together.

Then he called me difficult and a vampire after HE suggested we go together and not tell anyone (quite possibly to spurn me) and I answered "yeah, why not?"

I feel like telling him that he started it all.... he's the one that walked up behind me one day and bit my neck.

ugh... men.... (have I said that enough this year?)

Singin a Tune

Bf is most likely going away this week with some friends for a few days. I'm happy that he's going. I want/need some space alone. Problem is that Rob won't be around much this week at all. He's working TONS and this week is also full of holidays and random stuff he needs to to I guess. 

Maybe I'll paint or do something artistic... hm

There were things I was going to blog about... important thoughts that had come to me, but they have completely vanished from my brain and now I'm sitting trying to remember what they were.

Meanwhile:

I sat this weekend and learned to play OkGo's Needing Getting on the piano. I have even taped myself singing it with the piano as a gift to Rob, I'll give it to him later this week... at some point. I wanted to give him something in exchange for the birthday gifts he sent me and the Heart Shaped box he sang for me. I figured it was a fair and nice exchange. I didn't sing the whole song. I cut the first verse out started with the second and I play the bridge in between the two verses. 

"I've been sitting around, wasting my time 

Wondering what you've been doing.

Aw, and it ain't real forgiving 

it ain't real forgiving

Sitting here picturing someone else living

And I still need you, what good's that gonna do?

Cause needing is one thing and getting, gettin's another.

So I've been hoping for months

Hoping for years

Hoping I might forget

Aw, but it don't get much dumber

Don't get much dumber 

Than trying to forget a guy(girl) when you love him(her)

And I, yeah, I still need you, but what good's that gonna do?

Needing is one thing, and getting, gettin's another"

I figure it gives a pretty good sense of how I feel most days. I love him but I can't actually have him. It's a relatively happy tune, but still conveys that sense of desperate need that I get at times. 

OkGo's version is fantastic... if you haven't seen the video you need to check it out, and yes, it's all real.