When growing up we meet people, these people become part of us and are important for our growth. They influence us in our mannerisms, the way we speak, a word we say or the way we laugh or sneeze. The people we meet while growing up become so important, even if it was only a few weeks or months that when that person goes away you feel the need to fill that space.
A person is a bit like Swiss cheese. You come round to the age of thirty full of holes. The people you met who aren't there anymore, be it a best friend, a boyfriend or an acquaintance who meant a lot to you, often leave gaping spaces that need to be filled with something else.
I moved to the opposite side of the country when I was 10, I moved out of my country to go half way round the world when I was 20 and I have come to realize that I've been trying to fill all these holes.
Facebook is a temporary hole filler. You find out what happened to all those people you left behind. But it brings the hole to the surface. These holes are buried or forgotten and Facebook makes them re-emerge.
Raoul, the crazy dark artist/singer/guitarist (with a blog) was one of those people who left a big hole. I have to figure out how to bridge that gap without actually trying to replace him.
I need to feel complete before I can really be happy. All these holes are no good, they make us weak.
I like your Swiss cheese metaphor. Although it does seem like a negative way of looking at things. As though you're complete early on, and then only have things taken away.
ReplyDeleteThese 'holes', these gaps where people once were, they could also be considered as stepping stones or, indeed, bridges from Point A to Point B. You wouldn't be where you are now, who you are now, without them.
How content you are currently is how positive you'll feel about your past.
You should totally read High Fidelity if you get a chance. It's just sort of a bubble-gum contemporary fiction piece, but a lot of it is about how a person depends on others to feel anchored and complete. Your post reminds me a lot of it.
ReplyDeleteLH: You're right, yeah. It's true. People are a bit like stepping stones. What I find though is that when they leave, they leave holes. So it's both. It's both a building block and a apple corer at the same time.
ReplyDeleteDN: I'll see if I can find it in English somewhere... Books are so difficult to find here. Maybe Amazon can send me a copy.
I'll keep it in mind anyhow.