Winded

Yesterday was pretty relaxed, spent on the couch making Christmas gifts while I watched movies.

I was just minding my own business when I heard a song on the movie The Big Chill that knocked the wind out of me. It wasn't the song that did it, it was the thoughts that followed it.

I don't easily get winded like that. It was a good winded. Butterflies in my stomach winded... But my stomach jumped into my throat, like a roller-coaster ride or like some cat was going after the butterflies. It made me mutter 'fuck'. It wasn't really anything new too, it was something Rob said to me last time we met up online. But I've thought about it more than once and not had this reaction. This just caught me off guard or something.

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I still haven't had any sex with the bf, it's been months. I tried last night, but got anxious and dropped the idea after two hours of contemplating it. When it's been this long I get anxious if I have to initiate. My heart races and I feel weird.

This week will be busy, but I'm hoping to break the ice this week.... Who knows.