Addressing Reality

So I guess I wanted to answer some of the comments from the last post.

Johanna:
You are exactly right and I am following this same frame of mind for now. My father and my best friend all agree with this perspective. It's very backwards thinking for this very catholic country, but it is, as you say, the only way I can be happy and figure out what I really want.

Advizor: Yes, just as with Johanna, I am taking things seriously and I think that this move will also jump start the bf into action as well. I think.... it could be useful to him. Though as my neighbour told me today, maybe bf doesn't want action. Maybe he's happy where he is. To me it's unfathomable to sit and just live a life without a goal, but our neighbour thinks that it could very well be the case.

Malcom: The dynamic has been going on for a long time and I have written about it over the years, but I understand that it would be impossible to figure it all out. I tried breaking up with the bf a year ago and I got talked out of finding my own place. I fear it may happen again and so I have decided not to discuss it with him. I hate it. I hate not being able to tell him, but it's the only way to go about it. I will just have to figure out the best way to break it to him. That is going to be the most difficult part.

Tom: The apartment was found through an agency and I believe it's them looking for the downpayment to block the apartment so that they don't show it to others. I will try to talk to the agent once again about lowering the price, I may have some leverage but it's unlikely. Fact is, it's not that big of a difference and I am getting to the point that I doubt I will find exactly what I need. When I saw the place it was like getting punched in the stomach. It was that "gut" feeling my dad is always telling me about. I need to follow it.

I talked to my neighbour about it today too. I wanted to get his opinion and any important factor I may have overlooked. His biggest concern is of course my telling the bf and I think the fact that I haven't told him in advance is going to be the hardest obstacle to overcome.

He's going to be angry that I didn't tell him about it. He may pretend not to be angry about my getting a place. I need to prepare for him to say I was dishonest with him. I have some ideas, but I doubt they will count much, when push comes to shove. I think I'll just have to come out with it and bear the consequences.