falling through...

I am so tired of this country. I want to bury myself under the sand in some warm desert somewhere.

I cried yesterday. I got an email saying that the owner of the apartment had a family member interested, an aunt, they said. They'll know more by next week and let me know.

I have been advised, by a close friend to go knock on the guy's door to see if it's true. Maybe it's the agency that's really just taking me for a ride and fucking me over.

The worst part is that I was already thinking about how I'd decorate. The fact that I told bf doesn't help either. Now it feels like I'm forced to pull back from my decision.

I emailed them on Tuesday saying that I'd like the floor plans and once I had that I'd stop by to pay the down payment. She answered that there was no rush that they weren't going to show the apartment to anyone until I'd said a definitive yes or no. In my next email I said that I had decided for a yes.

Thursday I get the email saying that there's a chance he'll give it to his aunt.

In the meantime I've had two significant conversations with the bf but I'm just so tired that I can't be bothered to write about them. They were important, they were interesting, we even talked about cheating and stuff, but I can't write it out now. Maybe later this evening, maybe tomorrow.

I just feel so frustrated.

Maybe I should just put everything into storage and go travelling and never come back.