An Interview.

Hey Cande! How are things?

Things are crazy right now. I'm working like a maniac and I haven't had time to do anything for myself really.

How's that apartment thing going?

Oh that... Well today I went to the agency and gave them a written offer for the place. I asked for 550 Euros completely furnished.

Why did you decide to ask for that?

Well my original plan was to ask for the place at 500 Euros with just a kitchen (yeah rental places here don't have ANY furnishings, including kitchens), but in the end if I have to furnish the place myself it would be more expensive. I'd rather have them do it and I don't have to worry about how to get the furniture to the apt.

And when will you know the answer? Do you think the owner will accept?

Hopefully by next week. I'm not sure if he'll accept, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. If he doesn't accept I might make another offer, or I might just leave it. The floor plan isn't the greatest solution for my needs so we'll see.

How has the Bf been dealing with it all?

It's been kinda strange really. He's been really good. I have been having a hard time understanding how much to involve him in this process. I asked him if he wanted to come to the appointment with the agency today. I wasn't sure I wanted him there but then I started asking him questions about what was going to happen so he suggested he come along. I was somewhat relieved that he did.

Once there he wouldn't stop talking again, like he does when he's nervous. But at one point he went on a long monologue to the agent about how I'm so innocent and "good" and I don't give money any importance and that I don't have a bad bone in my body. He was trying to convince her not to take advantage of me. The whole talk made me cry. I was bawling inside but I managed to hide the tears and keep a straight face. I kept smiling and shaking my head at both the agent and at him to say it wasn't exactly true. It was rather rough though. I told him, when we left, that he'd made me want to cry I explained that he'd said some really nice things about me that weren't true (I can't take compliments) and he said it was the only way anyone could describe me.

So when do you move in?

If the owner accepts the offer I think August more or less.

Have you talked to Rob recently?

Rob, rob, rob... I spoke with him directly in a Skype conversation last week. It only lasted 20 minutes and I think we needed more than that. We seem to need a preliminary awkward chat and then we settle back into each other's comfort zone and we ease up. We're both so shy that it takes a bit before we get comfortable with each other's voices.

I have been quiet lately, I haven't been getting in touch with him much because we decided to leave that up to him.

I got in touch with him on Thursday evening though, when I got news of Storm Thorgerson's death. We'd been in a music art gallery together and could have bought his prints. We've sent a few emails back and forth but it's the weekend and I won't likely hear from him until next week.

Our meeting is constantly in the back of my mind. His voice, or rather memories of him telling me naughty things under his breath creep into my mind at unexpected times. English people on tv will remind me and I'll just go catatonic for a few moments until I can gather my wits again.

I don't remember the last time we got off together or vice versa he got me off or I him, so I miss that. I miss him in general but that can't be quenched so I can't really complain.

How are YOU feeling about all the change?

It's scary but at the same time I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, though I'm not sure if that's just because it's spring, sunny and maybe because I don't have time to think, I'm working like a dog. Bf is getting out more now too, he's found some stuff that he enjoys doing in the evenings. So we're getting along very well. I think my peace of mind means a lot for the relationship. I feel like I'm taking a big step. Both in terms of my work, with my new business number finally coming together in a way that I can use it, and with the mental move from living with bf to him getting his place and me getting mine.