I'm so angry I'm calm. I barely know what to do with myself. I don't know whether I should be angry at myself or the guy who fucked me over momentarily.
Here's the story:
So I get back from my "holiday" and bf was fine while I was on holiday, we talked every day and he was chirpy, everything was normal. I get back and he's all weird. He's been weird for weeks now but about three days ago it started to get worse. He was snapping at me and angry for no apparent reason. He slept all day Saturday, ignored me, and then would be normal for 10 minutes and then back to his frustrated self again.
I talked to Rob about it yesterday and we were both wondering whether he'd figured stuff out. I mentioned it to my best friend back home and she wondered the same thing.
Today he freaked on me again for the simple question "what do you want to do today". So I got angry, told him he was acting up and headed off to another room.
Finally he got up the courage to sit down next to me and say, "admit it, admit you've been dishonest. You've been telling half truths, I know you have." I almost shit myself, I had to appear totally calm, but my body was sweating to keep my heart from exploding. I simply asked what he was talking about. He just repeated what he said about being dishonest. When he finally saw that I had no idea what he was talking about he came out saying "Who have you been confiding in, telling them about our relationship?" My automatic response was my best friend, I was talking to her last night when he came home and he had made a snide comment about leaving the room so I could say what I wanted.
I was defensive. I said that I needed sounding boards, human sounding boards to talk to about my relationship with him since things are a bit rocky. I kept asking why he was asking and what it had to do with him. Then he said "oh so you haven't talked to someone like Mr.XXX for example".
So Mr.XXX in this case is the ONE guy who is a friend of ours that I see more than him, we often have lunch together because we both have lunch in the same place.... it's convenient for work purposes. He's the ONE guy I talked to about my relationship with the bf, the ONE person that I thought I could talk to freely. We have things in common because he has a rocky relationship with his wife.
Bf refused to tell me how he found out, he refused to tell me who spilled the beans to him. And I'm pissed off like never before. Should I be blaming Mr.XXX? should I have kept things to myself instead? probably.... but FUCK man.... It's totally FUCKED UP. What is up with people?
Fact is he's a friend, and he's almost always been a good friend, he has fucked up once before... with both co-worker and myself. So I don't know whether I should confront him about it or not. ARrRRrGGgggggg fucking fuck of a fuck!
Maybe "confront" is the wrong word, but you should definitely ask him if he knows how your private conversation could have gotten back to the bf.
ReplyDeleteThat's really miserable. I'm sorry. :-(
I hate people in general and this just confirms the fact that most of them are worthless. I guess I'm really sensitive to the confidentiality idea since we live and breath on trusting each other with lots of information.
ReplyDeleteI think "confront" is the wrong word as well, i think the word you are looking for is "firebomb".
I'm not one to knock a good firebombing. But get the right target. Unless I'm missing something, you really don't know who violated your trust yet. And maybe no one did. Someone may have seen you w XXX. BF may be making a wild ass guess based on something he heard or someone said. I guess to me the bigger issue is that BF feels free to react that way just because you're seeking support from a friend. He didn't accuse you of sleeping w him - he accused you of 'talking' w him? I don't know. Maybe I'm out of line and I apologize in advance. I am probably sensitive because I had this conversation over lunch today; came at me out of the blue. BF probably over-reacted too because its becoming more real to him that its over.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys.
ReplyDeleteI must be getting the word confront confused with my second language. I just mean talk to him about it.
I'm not going to firebomb him depending on what he says of course, but it's very unlikely he'll admit to anything much.
Rachel you have a good point. I really don't know much about this whole thing so yes he could be making wild guesses. I did have the feeling he may be taking wild guesses. When I asked him who told him two or three times, he answered differently each time. The first time he said that he just knew these things, he could pick up on them. The second he said that he had "spies" around, and the third time he just said that he'd picked up on comments someone else had said in another setting.
So it's hard to say, but the only way to find out is to talk to Mr.XXX
It's true that bf is reacting to our situation. He's having a very hard time accepting the separation thing he told me so himself with our argument this morning. Though I'm hoping it's clear to him and readers that I'm not breaking up with him, just getting my own space for now, then we'll see.
I've been reading your blog for awhile and this comment probably won't make me popular but the truth is, you haven't been honest with him. You're secretly in love with another man that has led to a RL pseudo relationship. Yes, I get there's a myriad of other issues but... that's kind of the bottom line. We take for granted that our significant others don't see or feel this on a subconscious level (that we're hiding it so well) but they do. Who told him is kind of irrelevant, there's a much bigger elephant in the room. I speak from experience in that if you don't make a clean break in some way, you'll forever stay in an unsatisfactory gray area with bf. You owe it to yourself to have the kind of love in your life that you deserve.
ReplyDelete