I'm sitting here with the intention of doing a lot but instead I feel overwhelmed. I just made myself cum, maybe a half hour ago and I shared it with Rob for the first time since we met up. I slowly sent pictures of the whole process. They were black and white taken in my white armchair. I had knee high stockings on, the same ones I wore as he fucked me in England, and a pair of panties, not much else. And no, I'm not posting them, they are for him only.
I worked alone, he wasn't an active participant in my orgasm, he was at work. I sent them knowing he was enjoying them, reading his words of encouragement but working alone in my fantasies.
I knelt down in front of the chair on a little foot stool. I took the last few pictures and then I switched to video. I wanted to send a clip of me cumming. I bent over to lean on the chair and as I did the memories of him fucking me over the back of an armchair flooded my mind and my orgasm hit hard. I wasn't ready, I wasn't expecting it. Video-op lost.
Since we met I've been quiet with him. I had to take some time. I was in what I could only describe as a 'rut'. He asked me about my rut after I came. I tried to explain it in a text, but he already knows. It's not hard to figure out. I had a million things going on in my mind and they were obscuring reality. I have found that without realizing it we delude ourselves into thinking things, even if we consciously know that they can't happen. It's like we know something through to the core but there's a minuscule part of us that still hopes or believes or wishes it could be different. And maybe it is, in a parallel universe somewhere, maybe that's why that one little part is so convincing.
I'll be leaving for a long trip at the end of December with the Bf. We'll be travelling for 50 days, Panama and Costa Rica. I am really looking forward to this. I love Mexico and Central America so I think it'll be good. I am also looking forward to the time away. I'll still be connected, on occasion, I think. But I hope to take a step back from everything from work to the internet.
I had a lot planned this afternoon. I was supposed to make Christmas presents. Instead I'm sitting here organizing my thoughts onto a blank page. Maybe it's for the best though. I think I needed it.
"I have found that without realizing it we delude ourselves into thinking things, even if we consciously know that they can't happen. It's like we know something through to the core but there's a minuscule part of us that still hopes or believes or wishes it could be different."
ReplyDeleteI pray to wake up in that parallel universe every day, I live in it every night in my dreams...
I think i;m doing the same, i have sheets and sheets of paper in front of me mapping out a proposed 30/60/90 day plan and trying to keep it real but get the feeling the plan is for someone not me.
ReplyDeletei just spent 10 days in Jakarta and after the first 3 days the reality of the country starts to come rushing in and is at the forefront of your mind while you work and manipulate the their world. one of the reasons i dont like going to Kaula Lumpur, the reality of the time spent there is very,,,,, real
but on both occasions my lover flew in and spent a few nights, where then the reality didnt matter
dog3oy
(yep i'm still out here)
Peter: I wonder how well that parallel universe gets on. Maybe it's just like this one but with different actors. Who knows.
ReplyDeleteDog3oy: No way! Can't believe you're still around. I'd lost all hope. lol
Anyhow it's nice to see you back here. It's odd how reality can appear and disappear like that. It's invasive when "real" reality encroaches on our "invented" realities. I hope things are going well with your lover.