Ghosts from the past.

So ages ago when I first started this blog I told a series of stories about past boyfriends and lovers and today while I was in the shower, for some odd reason someone popped into my mind who I hadn't thought of in decades.

The story begins with an odd intro mind you, it's not a happy intro but it does explain some things and well it helps exorcise my demons a little.

When I was in Jr. High I was fund raising for a school trip, by jumping around on the side of the road advertising a car wash we were doing with a friend of mine. We were goofy kids doing a Can-Can but it got clients in. At some point that day a man came by and asked me if I could help him learn English, he was Asian, I imagined Chinese. I was flattered and somewhat uncertain of the whole thing but I told him that I would talk to my parents about it and he could leave me his phone number. Keen on making some extra cash I ran to my parents and asked them if I could tutor this guy and long story short they met him and decided it was ok. He was in his mid 40s I think and I was in Jr high so that would make me 14 or so.

The lessons took place at his apartment. The first lesson was fine. We talked and when he had difficulty with certain words I helped him out, spelling things and explaining their meaning.
The second lesson got weird. Very weird. He asked if he could send his family in China some pictures of us together. He set up a tripod and sat me on his couch, sat next to me with his arm around me and took our picture, then another, then another, each one getting stranger in positions. I don't remember the full sequence of pictures, I just remember the last one where he had me lay down on the couch and pulled my sweater off my shoulder, and then he came over and laid on top of me trying to kiss me. I got up at that point and told him I had to leave. I promptly left.

I was shaking, afraid and disgusted. I hated him for taking advantage of me. I told my friends but dared not tell my parents. The story pretty much ended there. There were attempts to get my attention again but I ignored them.

This put me in an odd state of hatred toward Asian men. I have never been racist but I had a distinct turn off for Asian men. There was no way in hell I'd ever be attracted to a random Asian guy. A friend possibly but not if someone walked up to me in a bar.

Years later, when I was 18 I worked for a souvenir shop downtown run by an older Asian man. My manager was a young guy though, maybe 5 years older than me with a steady girlfriend he had a love hate relationship with but eventually ended in an engagement.
Peter was Vietnamese, he was fairly good looking but he didn't have the greatest skin. When I first started working there I was not attracted to him due to my fear of Asian men. I slowly warmed up to his personality though, he had a good sense of humour and he was generally nice as a boss. He would occasionally flirt. It was generally very subtle flirting mind you and I didn't always catch on.

The shop was quite big with a total of 5 stores, some of which were connected and one that wasn't. I worked in the one that was detached from the others, It also happened to be the one that had his office just above the store. There was a door just in front of the cashier counter, a staircase behind it and at the top: a tiny cubicle of an office with a desk, a computer and a little tv where the CCTV played non stop.

I knew there were cameras in the place but it wasn't until I got called into Peter's office that I realized that he could watch his staff. The cameras were pointed at the counters where we stood.

One day we were alone. It was evening, just before closing. He was in his office and I was cashing out. The doors were locked. He was talking to me through the ceiling (very thin ceiling) as he sometimes did at the end of the day, just our regular banter when there was a pause in the conversation and then he said, quite out of the blue "Do you want to be my lover?"
I stopped dead, smiled, I probably laughed, and said "you've got a girlfriend Peter!" in something that probably sounded halfway between surprise and shock.

I knew he was watching me, I looked up at the camera. I was impressed by his courage / non courage of actually asking me, though doing it behind closed doors when I couldn't see him but he could see me was rather cheeky. It did turn me on immensely though and It was fuel for numerous fantasies of mine, and no doubt his. However nothing happened. We were both very professional and kept our distances.

Shortly before I left at the end of the summer he asked me on a sort of a date. We went for Vietnamese lunch and then a motorcycle ride. It was the first time I'd been on a motorcycle since I was a kid with my dad. This was a racing bike, very sporty, very fast. He gave me his Gf's helmet and told me to hug him very tight but to follow his movements and not to counteract on corners. He took me on a windy-curvy road through the nearby forest full of massive Sequoias and Douglas firs typical of the area I grew up in. It was exhilarating, freezing cold, but I kept very tight to his back. It was comfortable. He wore a sexy, tight leather racing jacket that was white, blue and green. There was no talking. We stopped briefly in  a lot in front of a building to rest. I don't remember exactly anything much, we eventually turned back and that was the end of it. I never saw him again. Not a single kiss. Just a day out on the bike. Neither of us had the courage I guess.

Still I'll never forget him. I kind of regret not having acted on the fantasies. Sometimes I wonder whether people think back the way I do on certain events.