Office Guy is a Twat

Oh man. What a stupid mistake that was.

The guy's a bit of a jerk. I know it sounds harsh.... I barely know the guy.

So, those of you who missed it, I left him my email Sunday night. Monday morning at 9:30 I get an email stating name, age and saying that he knew who'd put the email there.

Things seemed relatively normal, though he did mention right away that he was strange. I mentioned right away that I wasn't single.

Luckily I was careful and used a different email than the one connected to this blog but the first thing he did was look up my email handle and found my Instagram account and told me he'd seen my pictures... who does that? who stalks you and then tells you? Plus I was paranoid he'd found the blog... ok, so it wasn't the greatest start.... I mean honestly, I might look you up, but I don't normally go and tell you I've done it.

It's hard to describe the back and forth of these emails, it went for the entire day of Monday and part of Tuesday mostly describing ourselves in terms of who we are and what we like.

This guy likes sports, traveling, he's single, he lives with his dad (he's 35... bad sign) in the country, he says he doesn't have many real friends (I think I know why). He says he has always wanted to open a country house for tourists as a B&B but "none of his ex girlfriends supported him with the idea".... he also has 9 rifles and 3 handguns (!?!?!)......... he likes to hunt. He even joked saying if he ever got disgruntled he could blow everyone up USA style... yeah... Ha Ha funny.... I'm laughing on the inside buddy.

He immediately asked me for naked pictures and has made jokes about starting his B&B breakfast with me and even marrying me. When I told him that I wasn't planning on leaving the boyfriend just yet he got kind of pissy and wanted to end the conversations. I was actually happy to, but then he came back saying that all he really wanted was to meet me in person and that he hadn't made "who knows what plans" about me n' him in his head.

I told him that it would be difficult to meet but that I might be able to manage something at some point but that I'm shy and I need time to process things.

His response?  "Don't worry about being shy, as soon as you say hi I'll stick my tongue in your mouth and that'll cure your shyness". It was followed by a smiley face. What makes it worse is that the stupid emoticons he uses look evil.

That's the one right there... evil looking after a sentence like that...

So now I'm kinda stuck. I'll probably have to meet the guy in person, but I'm trying to figure out how to do it in a public place like a cafe so that he can't stick his tongue down my throat. Maybe I can procrastinate enough and he'll let go of the idea.

Maybe I can piss him off and not meet him... hmmm

Problem is if I piss him off and it goes wrong, it could go really wrong and he could be knocking on my door or something. He works in front of my building. He more or less knows where I live.

I'll just have to play things out until they fizzle, which hopefully will happen sooner than later...

In other unfortunate news the apartment has definitively fallen through. I got a really nice email from the owner who I'd left a note for in his mailbox asking him to contact me. I wanted to make sure the news was true. He was super apologetic and said that if anything at all changed he'd let me know, but that it likely wouldn't happen.
The agency was equally nice and said that she was already in touch with other agencies that they work with to see if there's anything else that might suit my needs.

To be honest the whole thing has upset me a fair amount. I cried when I received the two emails and even now when I write this it gets me to the verge of tears. I was so close. It's the frustration that really gets me emotionally. Plus my mind does things it shouldn't do, like think, "what if I'd said yes right away", "what if I'd paid immediately, as soon as I'd seen it"... all this wouldn't have happened.

Back to the drawing board.

Getting off

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Conversations and Office guy news.

It was a rough but bearable week.

Bf and I did a lot of talking. We talked about fidelity and we talked about our sex life. We talked about future plans and his ideas for the near future. It was interesting, and we've been getting along very well these days.

He has made up his mind that I need to do this, I need to live on my own. He also said that once I've gotten my bearings then maybe we can take steps forward again.

We talked about our minimal sex life and the reasons why there is some lack of energy on both our parts to make things work. He also talked about guys he knows who cheat on their wives, prostitutes or lovers, most guys seem to cheat, but he says he's of the old standard and would never do that to me. I did say though that if he had cheated on me that I wouldn't blame him, but that I'd probably be upset. He, on the other hand said he wouldn't be able to handle the news of me cheating on him.

I did ask him outright if he had someone else. I told him that, for a long time, I knew he hadn't had anyone else but that recently I thought that he might have found someone. He denied it. He didn't ask me outright if I had someone else.

He said that if I hadn't said anything about moving out he might have asked if I wanted to take a 6 month sabbatical to travel. He isn't convinced he wants to stay in this country, so by travelling he might find some place he likes more.

During the first conversation we had he even cried, though he tried not to let me notice. But he admitted that he had always been more worried about costs and saving money than our happiness together. He said that he realized how things may have been different had we had a bigger place where I could work and do my own thing in a separate part of the house. His fear of spending the extra cash kept us from that.

We went to an office the day I got told about the apartment possibly falling through. We talked to the lawyer about our contract and what we would have to do if one or the other moved out but bf also asked about this new system they have here. They have these construction co-ops that build and then rent or lease to own at very reasonable prices and since you don't directly deal with the banks the rates are much better than normal mortgages and rents. It's worth looking into, however I'm a little worried that bf is looking for alternatives to me moving out. I'm still sure I want to move out.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

OK so totally off topic. I left my email address for Office Guy... He'll see it tomorrow morning unless I get cold feet and take it down this evening.

falling through...

I am so tired of this country. I want to bury myself under the sand in some warm desert somewhere.

I cried yesterday. I got an email saying that the owner of the apartment had a family member interested, an aunt, they said. They'll know more by next week and let me know.

I have been advised, by a close friend to go knock on the guy's door to see if it's true. Maybe it's the agency that's really just taking me for a ride and fucking me over.

The worst part is that I was already thinking about how I'd decorate. The fact that I told bf doesn't help either. Now it feels like I'm forced to pull back from my decision.

I emailed them on Tuesday saying that I'd like the floor plans and once I had that I'd stop by to pay the down payment. She answered that there was no rush that they weren't going to show the apartment to anyone until I'd said a definitive yes or no. In my next email I said that I had decided for a yes.

Thursday I get the email saying that there's a chance he'll give it to his aunt.

In the meantime I've had two significant conversations with the bf but I'm just so tired that I can't be bothered to write about them. They were important, they were interesting, we even talked about cheating and stuff, but I can't write it out now. Maybe later this evening, maybe tomorrow.

I just feel so frustrated.

Maybe I should just put everything into storage and go travelling and never come back.

Thanks and Office Guy

Thanks everyone for such lovely comments in the last post. I rely on those comments. They make my day, they make me smile and they make me feel good for what I'm doing.

Things have been going well. Bf and I are getting along, no arguments, lots of laughing and joking. We're better than ever, you could say. We'll see how things pan out in the long run. We haven't really talked about practical stuff much so I'm a little concerned there may be some tension there.

The only time I've noticed tension was yesterday when he said he was going out for a smoke. He doesn't smoke, at least not in front of me. And when he does it in front of me it means he's having a hard time dealing with stuff. His smoking has always been a bone of contention between us. He was supposed to have quit years ago, but every once and a while I'll find out he's still smoking. Often it's around the time that things are rough between us.

This time though he came up to me and said, I'm going out to have a smoke because I'm feeling a bit nerve wracked. I asked him when he'd bought the pack of smokes and he said "last month". But this is the first time smokes were even mentioned since I tried to break up with him last winter. During that last episode he promised he would quit, (again), and he'd be honest with me about starting again.... all things that never happened apparently.

I'm ignoring that of course. I could care less right now.

On a brighter note he's gone into an office here that helps renters with understanding their contracts. He wants to understand ours and how it works for giving notice and such. This is somewhat big news. It means he's not pulling back, or in denial. He has accepted things fully.

We both seem to have lightened up a lot. We're quite at ease with each other these days. I can't tell what will happen with our relationship. I believe there's a 50/50 chance of things going either way.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Office Guy

On a totally different note, there was a small event that happened last Friday just before the big news with bf. 

So I had to go by Office Guy's window twice that day, the first time he was standing somewhere towards the middle of his office, and he caught sight of me out of the corner of his eye I guess, because he walked over to the window and smiled. That made me turn my head and smile at him. The second time round he was sitting at his desk as usual but he waved which made me turn around and laugh.

I've told him.

Today he woke me up at 9 because yesterday I'd told him that we could go to one of the malls for the sales today.

Once I was up I was determined to just spit it out. When got to him, he was sitting at the computer, he turned immediately to ask me for help so I sat down and helped him with what he was trying to do.

I kept finding a moment that I could tell him but nothing would come out.

When I sat in the spare room with the cat that visits us, he came in and stroked my face saying that I had an odd look on my face this morning. He asked me what was wrong and I just spilled the beans.

The first thing he said was "you decided without me?", then he asked how long ago I'd seen the apartment. The truth came out, but it was an altered version of the truth.

I never got into how many apartments I'd seen. I just said that I'd stopped in with an agency ages ago and hadn't heard back from them until 2 weeks ago, which is the truth. I contacted the agency months ago, during the summer, and they only showed me one other apartment in september. So in effect I hadn't heard from them in ages.

I told him that I saw the apartment twice, that the first time I wasn't sure about it, and with the second viewing I'd made up my mind. I also told him that I hadn't told him about the first viewing because I wanted to be sure of myself before going to him with it. I openly told him that I didn't know how he was going to react, whether he was going to try to talk me out of it which is why I hadn't come to him with it before. He wasn't entirely hurt that I hadn't told him, he understood. I asked him if he was upset, and he said "goodness no", but he did say that he had hoped that we could have faced it together.

I asked him what he thought he might do, and he reminded me that he had only just found out so he needed to think about it. He mentioned he'd seen a place advertised that he could afford a while back. Which means he'd been looking too.

One of the first things he said was that he was expecting it. It wasn't much of a surprise. He also said that it was probably for the best, he said that he found things a little precarious considering I'd made my mind up a while back, he knew I wouldn't change my mind that easily.

We talked a little about the cost of the place and the layout, but he didn't ask a lot of questions. He just said that I'd have to work to maintain it. That if I set my mind on working that I'd be able to pull it off. I guess he was trying to be reassuring.

At this point I don't know whether he thinks we're splitting up or not. He pecked me on the cheek (I have a cold sore right now) before going to work so he's not upset, perhaps shaken, but not upset or angry. I'm shaken too. I feel like crying but I haven't cried. I don't think I will until perhaps I talk about it in person with someone... and even then maybe nothing will happen.

I won't get into relationship stuff with him right now. I don't want to know, I want to see how things proceed. I want to let things evolve naturally. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to leave it though, because people will ask questions once the news gets out.

I haven't abandoned the theory that he might have something on the side, I've even considered outright asking him, though I won't. I don't know if it's an outright affair, but possibly someone he has his eyes on. It could be another reason why he accepted things so easily.

Counsellor

I think she felt like she got it all wrong. The counsellor's hands went to her hair when I told her that I had kept bf in the dark about the apartment hunt.

We talked, it was semi-useful, but I didn't get what I went for really. Or maybe I did and I just don't see it yet.
I was expecting advice in how to proceed with the bf. She did give me a lot of advice but it was, in my humble opinion, all wrong. She told me to simulate my decision making process all over again but verbally with bf. So to tell him that I'm thinking about getting a place, then after a while tell him that I'm going to look at some places, then tell him that I've found a place after another while...

Doesn't make sense to me, I might have just as well done that from the beginning, I can't rightly simulate it all now.

No, I think I'll just have to out it plain and simple.

She did give me some good pointers though. She said it's important that I keep the conversation focused on me and my stuff, to keep blame out of it completely, if anything is said regarding bf it should be positive and praising. She was adamant that I tell him I have friends and family supporting me and helping me, so that he doesn't feel the urge or possibility to help. She said that his need to help me is a control tactic. I didn't realize that but now that she mentions it, it makes sense. (I give in to that a lot, I possibly (probably) put that out as well, in that I look for men who want to help).

She also said that I have unconsciously adapted to bf and the silent choices he has made for himself. I never really harped on him to get a better job or to get more financial stability to buy a house or anything like that (apparently most Italian women would have). I could use that to my favor and tell him that he will need to adapt to my needs right now. Or rather that I need to concentrate on what I want out of my life.

She was helpful regarding the agency too, she said that if I'm really interested in the apartment to call them and tell them that outright and tell them that I'll bring the money by soon.

So I guess that's the plan.
Call the agency and let them know without paying immediately.
Within the next couple of days I'll tell him.

It is going to take some time I think. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to manage it, but I will.