Tomorrow morning I leave. Bf and I are heading to a nearby town for a concert and are staying in a hotel for the night and then Thursday I head to the nearby airport and fly to Paris.
I have just under 5 days there then a few in London. I head north the art course I'm looking forward to and the day after Rob, rob rob rob.... yeah... that makes me smile.
I can't explain it. I feel calm and ready yet I'm really really looking forward to this. The whole trip will be fantastic. Rob will be the icing on the cake. I'll be seeing all sorts of friends too, people from back home are going to be in Paris while I'm there, and another friend from here will be in London while I'm there.
It'll be a very busy trip but that's good. I like being busy while traveling.
So I guess that's all I need to say. I'll be reporting from my trip I'm sure. I'll have internet off and on for the whole trip. Paris will be a little slower as I'll only have wifi in my hotel, but in the UK I'll have internet on my phone.
Right! Wish me luck! ;-D
xoxoxo
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Dream influence
I'm sure I've written about this topic in the past. Dreams are powerful things and sometimes I get one that just changes everything for me.
Last night I got a call from one of my students, he asked me if he could come for a lesson. He's a University student that I got up to conversational speed for job interviews as his courses were ending. I hadn't heard from him or seen him in months and got that surprise call last night at about 10pm.
He's not a good looking kid. He's already balding, he's only 22 or so. He's average, certainly nothing too exciting. The strange thing is that when I was teaching at one of the local high schools he was in one of my classes and I somehow remembered him when he came for private lessons a few months back.
Anyhow my point being that I've known this kid for a while if you count that I met him when he was in his first year of high school and he has now finished university.
Let's get to the dream... So the dream was bizarre and I don't know what the surrounding circumstances were. All I can remember is that we were in bed together and he wanted to seduce me. He wanted to hold me, to kiss me, to run his leg up my thighs and I kept pulling away, telling him that I couldn't. That I had a boyfriend. We were fully clothed, both of us. He was wearing shorts, it was warm and we had just a sheet floating around between us.
Fact is that when I get dreams like this it totally alters my view of the person. I seem to create a stronger connection with them. Today when he came it was strange for me, almost awkward at first and it's all so one sided.
During our lesson today my mind would occasionally slip to the dream. And there was something that would grab my attention and turn me on. Don't, for one second, think that I find this kid attractive. I don't he's an odd looking guy with strange mannerisms. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's just cause I've been horny because of the imminent meeting with Rob... in any case yeah, it was strange.
Last night I got a call from one of my students, he asked me if he could come for a lesson. He's a University student that I got up to conversational speed for job interviews as his courses were ending. I hadn't heard from him or seen him in months and got that surprise call last night at about 10pm.
He's not a good looking kid. He's already balding, he's only 22 or so. He's average, certainly nothing too exciting. The strange thing is that when I was teaching at one of the local high schools he was in one of my classes and I somehow remembered him when he came for private lessons a few months back.
Anyhow my point being that I've known this kid for a while if you count that I met him when he was in his first year of high school and he has now finished university.
Let's get to the dream... So the dream was bizarre and I don't know what the surrounding circumstances were. All I can remember is that we were in bed together and he wanted to seduce me. He wanted to hold me, to kiss me, to run his leg up my thighs and I kept pulling away, telling him that I couldn't. That I had a boyfriend. We were fully clothed, both of us. He was wearing shorts, it was warm and we had just a sheet floating around between us.
Fact is that when I get dreams like this it totally alters my view of the person. I seem to create a stronger connection with them. Today when he came it was strange for me, almost awkward at first and it's all so one sided.
During our lesson today my mind would occasionally slip to the dream. And there was something that would grab my attention and turn me on. Don't, for one second, think that I find this kid attractive. I don't he's an odd looking guy with strange mannerisms. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's just cause I've been horny because of the imminent meeting with Rob... in any case yeah, it was strange.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Counting
One month on the 7th equals 4 weeks....or 28 days.....or 672 hours more or less. Yeah I'm counting. I don't know if I've really ever looked forward to a meeting with Rob this much.
I think the other times I was more anxious. This time it feels easier. Part of it has to do with the fact that we've done it before and I know what to expect. Part of the tension is eased by the fact that there's a lot to do and see where we're going so it eases our initial awkwardness.
It's not like we'll run out of things, but its nice to have lots of options. We're both so shy that it can be a bit daunting, I think, to have to deal with someone on a 24hr basis and know what to talk about for the whole time. Being in places, cathedrals, museums etc... Will give us plenty to talk about.
When we're on the phone we rarely use video anymore and it seems to placate our senses. We're not as shy and we don't get stuck on what to talk about as much as we used to. Maybe we've just finally gotten accustomed to each other's company, in any case we're capable of talking on the phone for hours without having much in the way of awkward silences.
I do miss seeing his face though, even on video. I caught a glimpse of him today as he was going to show me the cake he'd made. I don't think he noticed, or maybe he did, but I loved every split second of it.
Time for some Zzzzs
Monday, June 3, 2013
Diamonds in the Shit.
Today was a day that I might remember for a while. It was a shitty day but it definitely had it's sparkling moments of wonder. There are a few reasons for this.
I've still been having health issues, so I was in a shitty mood about that for the past two days. I had a fight with the bf today possibly due to my shitty mood, but he hasn't been much help either. I saw my doc who wasn't helpful at all and basically told me that I'd tried all the meds she knew of and just pointed me in the direction of a specialist which is going to cost an arm and a leg.
The flip side though is that I got a lovely long email from Rob and a text saying he'd booked the hotel for our meeting. It made me smile uncontrollably and just feel so much better. It's about all I can think of these days. My mind just keeps wandering to that and people notice and often point it out.
Today I also had a longish conversation with co-worker. I popped my head in at work to say hello, I wasn't working just hanging out and even with the other staff there we got to talking. People were asking how I was doing health wise and one of the staff said that I just need to get out of the country, move somewhere warm (with a better climate) and get a new bf, a new life, you know just get out.
Co-worker didn't hear that but when the weather conversation continued (it's been really unusually cold and wet here, summer is super late) he said "you know, we got it all wrong, you and I... we should have got married and moved to Brazil." Don't ask me my reaction, I don't remember, I imagine I laughed. I think I agreed too. And something tells me he wasn't far off from being serious.
When the rest of the staff had gone to lunch I lingered and we talked some more. Talked about life and our present situations with work and such. He mentioned that he could tell my head was whirring, that I'm distracted by all the thoughts going through my mind. I like his acuteness (no pun intended), he notices every little thing with me. I barely notice those details for myself half the time. He also knows there's a lot going on with me. He pics up on it fast and he turns and tells me to smile.
There's nothing I can do about it. I just really like him.
I've still been having health issues, so I was in a shitty mood about that for the past two days. I had a fight with the bf today possibly due to my shitty mood, but he hasn't been much help either. I saw my doc who wasn't helpful at all and basically told me that I'd tried all the meds she knew of and just pointed me in the direction of a specialist which is going to cost an arm and a leg.
The flip side though is that I got a lovely long email from Rob and a text saying he'd booked the hotel for our meeting. It made me smile uncontrollably and just feel so much better. It's about all I can think of these days. My mind just keeps wandering to that and people notice and often point it out.
Today I also had a longish conversation with co-worker. I popped my head in at work to say hello, I wasn't working just hanging out and even with the other staff there we got to talking. People were asking how I was doing health wise and one of the staff said that I just need to get out of the country, move somewhere warm (with a better climate) and get a new bf, a new life, you know just get out.
Co-worker didn't hear that but when the weather conversation continued (it's been really unusually cold and wet here, summer is super late) he said "you know, we got it all wrong, you and I... we should have got married and moved to Brazil." Don't ask me my reaction, I don't remember, I imagine I laughed. I think I agreed too. And something tells me he wasn't far off from being serious.
When the rest of the staff had gone to lunch I lingered and we talked some more. Talked about life and our present situations with work and such. He mentioned that he could tell my head was whirring, that I'm distracted by all the thoughts going through my mind. I like his acuteness (no pun intended), he notices every little thing with me. I barely notice those details for myself half the time. He also knows there's a lot going on with me. He pics up on it fast and he turns and tells me to smile.
There's nothing I can do about it. I just really like him.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Tangible Desire
Over the past year my mind has gone through many phases for Rob. I'm not sure it was the same last time but I imagine it was similar.
Between meetings, the hardest part is getting used to the distance. Not so much the physical distance but the intermittent contact that's between us most of the time. I never really get used to it. I hate it to be honest. If I could, I'd have him on an IV drip. Don't ask me why. I don't know. He's my drug, always has been.
What happens though is that my mind starts to settle when I know I'm going to see him again. When I've booked my ticket and things are set. I feel more relaxed and sure of things. Up to that point, no matter how much reassurance I get, I still wonder (and often doubt) if he wants/needs/loves me.
The phase I'm in now is one of tangible desire for him. I often fantasize about him ravaging my body. But that's exactly what it is, a fantasy. I don't always have the images so defined in my mind.
These days I can clearly remember details, smells, sensations. And I crave the simplest of things. A kiss, a bite, a finger, the sensation of his hard cock under his jeans, undoing his belt, slipping a finger under the elastic of his boxers, his eyes watching me of course. It's all so clear.
Maybe I can conjure the images any time I want, maybe it's just a matter of letting myself....
Between meetings, the hardest part is getting used to the distance. Not so much the physical distance but the intermittent contact that's between us most of the time. I never really get used to it. I hate it to be honest. If I could, I'd have him on an IV drip. Don't ask me why. I don't know. He's my drug, always has been.
What happens though is that my mind starts to settle when I know I'm going to see him again. When I've booked my ticket and things are set. I feel more relaxed and sure of things. Up to that point, no matter how much reassurance I get, I still wonder (and often doubt) if he wants/needs/loves me.
The phase I'm in now is one of tangible desire for him. I often fantasize about him ravaging my body. But that's exactly what it is, a fantasy. I don't always have the images so defined in my mind.
These days I can clearly remember details, smells, sensations. And I crave the simplest of things. A kiss, a bite, a finger, the sensation of his hard cock under his jeans, undoing his belt, slipping a finger under the elastic of his boxers, his eyes watching me of course. It's all so clear.
Maybe I can conjure the images any time I want, maybe it's just a matter of letting myself....
Friday, May 17, 2013
Jobs, apartments and a Diet. (I wish this update were sexier)
Woot! I got a great job opportunity this week. It was really lucky and I thank my years of experience and hard work in my teaching. I got the job through word of mouth from two students so it makes me feel good that I got so highly recommended.
I got called into a fairly important local company, to teach a group of students.
Ok so it doesn't sound like much but to me it's huge. Most teachers here DREAM of having an opportunity like this because most of the time these companies call schools. The language schools then send out a teacher and the teacher gets paid peanuts compared to the percentage the school takes.
I got the job private so I could ask for whatever hourly rate I wanted. I didn't ask for an exaggerated amount mind you, but I did ask for 50 euros an hour. I have to pay taxes on that but in the end I pocket about 40. I'm definitely happy.
For now the course starts with 16.5 hours for an introduction and review of grammar, then there's a second part which will include a bunch of technical stuff. It's relatively complex stuff so I'll need to study to make things work. But I'm really proud of this... really happy.
As for apartments I haven't found anything, though I've only been in to one place to ask. I have memorized an apartment I saw advertised that I need to check in on, but other than that I'm basically just trying to find time to do anything.
___________________________
The diet is going well. I spent the first few days craving anything sweet and breads. I had the fourth day where I started feeling awful. 5th and 6th days were hell, but then I realized that it was the meds I'm on that were making me so ill. I remedied that and feel pretty good today. I'm sticking to my diet as best I can though on the 4th day I felt like I was going to pass out so I integrated whole rice and an apple. It was only later that I realized my symptoms were due to the meds. But I've kept the rice and apple in the diet. I feel better with them there.
I'm exhausted today. It's been a long day. I'm in a pretty good mood.... except I watched Arrow and cried.... Season Finale... I never cry during movies. But there was something about the last scenes that just got me. Next up is Game of Thrones... I'm just having a really quiet night in, it's only 8:40 and I'm ready for bed, I could easily crawl in and sleep. Maybe I will..... I need to eat first though. dinner.... the only problem with this diet is the cooking, it takes some planning.... not much mind you... but some.
I got called into a fairly important local company, to teach a group of students.
Ok so it doesn't sound like much but to me it's huge. Most teachers here DREAM of having an opportunity like this because most of the time these companies call schools. The language schools then send out a teacher and the teacher gets paid peanuts compared to the percentage the school takes.
I got the job private so I could ask for whatever hourly rate I wanted. I didn't ask for an exaggerated amount mind you, but I did ask for 50 euros an hour. I have to pay taxes on that but in the end I pocket about 40. I'm definitely happy.
For now the course starts with 16.5 hours for an introduction and review of grammar, then there's a second part which will include a bunch of technical stuff. It's relatively complex stuff so I'll need to study to make things work. But I'm really proud of this... really happy.
___________________________
As for apartments I haven't found anything, though I've only been in to one place to ask. I have memorized an apartment I saw advertised that I need to check in on, but other than that I'm basically just trying to find time to do anything.
___________________________
The diet is going well. I spent the first few days craving anything sweet and breads. I had the fourth day where I started feeling awful. 5th and 6th days were hell, but then I realized that it was the meds I'm on that were making me so ill. I remedied that and feel pretty good today. I'm sticking to my diet as best I can though on the 4th day I felt like I was going to pass out so I integrated whole rice and an apple. It was only later that I realized my symptoms were due to the meds. But I've kept the rice and apple in the diet. I feel better with them there.
I'm exhausted today. It's been a long day. I'm in a pretty good mood.... except I watched Arrow and cried.... Season Finale... I never cry during movies. But there was something about the last scenes that just got me. Next up is Game of Thrones... I'm just having a really quiet night in, it's only 8:40 and I'm ready for bed, I could easily crawl in and sleep. Maybe I will..... I need to eat first though. dinner.... the only problem with this diet is the cooking, it takes some planning.... not much mind you... but some.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Detox Diet and The Trip.
I'm thin... people make sure I remember that by constantly telling me how thin I am. I'm an eater though. I love food, good food, bad food, doesn't matter. I like to eat. I especially like pasta, breads, pastries, and chocolate.
I have recently decided to go on a detox diet for health reasons. It's a diet that eliminates all grains, glutens and well basically everything that isn't just greens and meat. No sugar, no honey, no fruit even. I'll be eating salads and white meat for 10 days and then I'll gradually reintegrate fruit. I started today and I'm already in withdrawal. I want bread. I want cookies. I want chocolate, I want anything sweet. It's incredible how addicted I am to sugar and wheat. I don't know how well I'll manage this diet. It's only day one.... I'm craving bad.
I need to be organized to manage this during my work week and not just on the weekend. The hardest part is snacking. I generally eat every two hours or so. I eat smaller amounts often and I don't know what to eat during those snack moments. Plain greek yoghurt is one thing that I can eat and veggies but they both aren't terribly transportable. I'll have to work something out.
As I go, I'll update on here if I manage it. I'm hoping the blog will keep me on track.
___________________________
On a separate note, I've been booking all my hotels, trains and stuff for my trip over to Paris and the UK. It's incredible how fast this trip is creeping up on me. It's already May and I leave at the end of June. I'm meeting Rob on the 7th of July so just under two months off.
I've talked to him a couple times fairly recently. We hadn't been in touch much over the past few months, we've both been busy and I think there must be a component of distance but I can't figure out the mechanism behind it or the reason why. I'm not sure if it comes from both of us or just one of us. Though I'm pretty sure it's both.
Getting back in touch was obviously really nice. I missed him a lot, I missed that connection with him. I really enjoyed our last chat. It was on Skype but it was typing only. It was just like old times (which is something that makes me feel old!) when we didn't have video or voice. We played silly word games and made stupid jokes and talked about all sorts of fun facts. We got into topics like Kids in the Hall and Moon Unit Zappa. I really enjoy that kind of talk with him. There was nothing or next to nothing sexual about it. It was very tame, like two good friends just having a good time.
I have recently decided to go on a detox diet for health reasons. It's a diet that eliminates all grains, glutens and well basically everything that isn't just greens and meat. No sugar, no honey, no fruit even. I'll be eating salads and white meat for 10 days and then I'll gradually reintegrate fruit. I started today and I'm already in withdrawal. I want bread. I want cookies. I want chocolate, I want anything sweet. It's incredible how addicted I am to sugar and wheat. I don't know how well I'll manage this diet. It's only day one.... I'm craving bad.
I need to be organized to manage this during my work week and not just on the weekend. The hardest part is snacking. I generally eat every two hours or so. I eat smaller amounts often and I don't know what to eat during those snack moments. Plain greek yoghurt is one thing that I can eat and veggies but they both aren't terribly transportable. I'll have to work something out.
As I go, I'll update on here if I manage it. I'm hoping the blog will keep me on track.
___________________________
On a separate note, I've been booking all my hotels, trains and stuff for my trip over to Paris and the UK. It's incredible how fast this trip is creeping up on me. It's already May and I leave at the end of June. I'm meeting Rob on the 7th of July so just under two months off.
I've talked to him a couple times fairly recently. We hadn't been in touch much over the past few months, we've both been busy and I think there must be a component of distance but I can't figure out the mechanism behind it or the reason why. I'm not sure if it comes from both of us or just one of us. Though I'm pretty sure it's both.
Getting back in touch was obviously really nice. I missed him a lot, I missed that connection with him. I really enjoyed our last chat. It was on Skype but it was typing only. It was just like old times (which is something that makes me feel old!) when we didn't have video or voice. We played silly word games and made stupid jokes and talked about all sorts of fun facts. We got into topics like Kids in the Hall and Moon Unit Zappa. I really enjoy that kind of talk with him. There was nothing or next to nothing sexual about it. It was very tame, like two good friends just having a good time.
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