I have a new student. He's in his 20s and he's kinda cute. Tall, blond, blue eyes, not the typical Italian. I had a dream about him already. He's been coming for lessons for a two weeks now, but he does three lessons of an hour and a half each. That's 4.5 hours of seeing this guy a week.
The dream was not exactly erotic, but it was close. It was foreplay and cheating. I was in my study/spare bedroom with him, where I normally teach, there's a bed in there of course for guests and we were on the bed cuddling. He had a winter hat on, who knows why... maybe because he's balding slightly and it was my unconscious way of not accepting him as balding at 25. Anyhow we didn't do anything sexual that I can remember, but I think there was some undressing. That was until bf came home in the dream and we got back to the lesson.
The teacher student scenario turns me on like crazy and I had a hard time keeping myself calm during the lesson. Plus yesterday I did a little sexting with Rob and I still haven't gotten off from that.
Just the thought of anything with a student, especially one like this guy just drives me crazy. Bf would never walk in, it would be sooo hot to play.....
better not think about that....
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Ramblings
I have not forgotten my Blogger account. Although I have been rather lazy and perhaps even a little reluctant to get back to Blogger.
I have been hibernating basically. Even from Internet a little. I've been on my usual normal life social network but apart from that I haven't been using internet much at all.
I have gotten addicted to a TV series my father got me for christmas. It's a Danish series called "The killing" and it is good. Along with that I've been streaming the BBC Sherlock series as well, an EXCELLENT series that you should watch if you haven't seen it yet.
What's new?.... Hm Nothing really. I've been fighting a really bad cold and what might be turning into sinus infection for the past week. I've been working privately, so not with Co-worker.
As Rob often asks, "how's your brain?" My brain is fine, nothing really going on with my brain at the moment, I'm not over-thinking things which is good. I haven't had contact with the people that get my brain in a whirr lately.
Speaking of Rob we met up online the other day and had a lovely 1 hour conversation. Just chit chat. It was nice. Really nice. It was the type of conversation that keeps me smiling when I think back on it. He's going on holiday in Feb and I've been lazy about booking my ticket to the UK but that is my plan for spring. I just haven't figured out when yet.
There are things going on with work that make it difficult to plan for spring, and there's the fact that my neighbours are tentatively planning on moving out into a new place in March. I think I mentioned it before. I want to rent their place, make it into a private lesson studio and art studio. If I can get extra students teach groups it would pay for itself. If not I could rent it out on occasion to tourists who come in spring and summer. I'm rather excited about the idea. I just hope it works out.
I haven't heard a word from Co-worker. I sent him a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year's text, neither of which he responded to. I guess he's just decided to cut all electronic ties with me. He used to show up on my gmail chat, but he doesn't anymore. He's never on facebook anymore either. So bleh.... whatever.
What else has been going on? Hm well my health hasn't been that great recently. Between this horrible cold and my kidneys with probable stones, I've lost some weight (which is never good for me).
I went to my doctor asking to go back to see a Rheumatologist about the Fibromyalgia diagnosis from all those years ago. She basically advised me not to go but gave me the request anyhow. So I'll book it.
I just want to understand a little more about it. My father thinks that if I think about it and worry about it it'll make things worse, that it'll become psychosomatic. He's probably right, but I do want to get another opinion in any case.
Problem is that I've found connections to kidneys on the fibro symptoms lists and I'd like to get some confirmation.... maybe I'm being a bit hypochondriac about all of this.... but I hate being ill all the time.
Men: I suggest you stop reading here. TMI WARNING
The last little bit of weird trivia about me is that I've started trying a Mooncup.
I was super gung-ho about it when I first started trying it. But at the moment I'm a little miffed. I can't get it to work, it leaks constantly. I have an inverted uterus and I'm wondering if that's the problem or whether it's because the pharmacy gave me the wrong size. They gave me the small rather than the larger I guess. I haven't had children and I'm only 33 so I figured it would work just the same. I tried it for three days but alas I haven't found a position yet. I've had some unfortunate accidents, some that made me laugh and some that made me cringe in pain. But generally the experience has been neutral. I'm neither hating it nor really liking it. I will try it more... If it didn't leak I'd be really pleased... and use it tons. I'd love to save money on "feminine products"... and even do my part for the environment. I just wish I could get the thing to work.... anyone around use it? any suggestions?
I have been hibernating basically. Even from Internet a little. I've been on my usual normal life social network but apart from that I haven't been using internet much at all.
I have gotten addicted to a TV series my father got me for christmas. It's a Danish series called "The killing" and it is good. Along with that I've been streaming the BBC Sherlock series as well, an EXCELLENT series that you should watch if you haven't seen it yet.
What's new?.... Hm Nothing really. I've been fighting a really bad cold and what might be turning into sinus infection for the past week. I've been working privately, so not with Co-worker.
As Rob often asks, "how's your brain?" My brain is fine, nothing really going on with my brain at the moment, I'm not over-thinking things which is good. I haven't had contact with the people that get my brain in a whirr lately.
Speaking of Rob we met up online the other day and had a lovely 1 hour conversation. Just chit chat. It was nice. Really nice. It was the type of conversation that keeps me smiling when I think back on it. He's going on holiday in Feb and I've been lazy about booking my ticket to the UK but that is my plan for spring. I just haven't figured out when yet.
There are things going on with work that make it difficult to plan for spring, and there's the fact that my neighbours are tentatively planning on moving out into a new place in March. I think I mentioned it before. I want to rent their place, make it into a private lesson studio and art studio. If I can get extra students teach groups it would pay for itself. If not I could rent it out on occasion to tourists who come in spring and summer. I'm rather excited about the idea. I just hope it works out.
I haven't heard a word from Co-worker. I sent him a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year's text, neither of which he responded to. I guess he's just decided to cut all electronic ties with me. He used to show up on my gmail chat, but he doesn't anymore. He's never on facebook anymore either. So bleh.... whatever.
What else has been going on? Hm well my health hasn't been that great recently. Between this horrible cold and my kidneys with probable stones, I've lost some weight (which is never good for me).
I went to my doctor asking to go back to see a Rheumatologist about the Fibromyalgia diagnosis from all those years ago. She basically advised me not to go but gave me the request anyhow. So I'll book it.
I just want to understand a little more about it. My father thinks that if I think about it and worry about it it'll make things worse, that it'll become psychosomatic. He's probably right, but I do want to get another opinion in any case.
Problem is that I've found connections to kidneys on the fibro symptoms lists and I'd like to get some confirmation.... maybe I'm being a bit hypochondriac about all of this.... but I hate being ill all the time.
Men: I suggest you stop reading here. TMI WARNING
The last little bit of weird trivia about me is that I've started trying a Mooncup.
I was super gung-ho about it when I first started trying it. But at the moment I'm a little miffed. I can't get it to work, it leaks constantly. I have an inverted uterus and I'm wondering if that's the problem or whether it's because the pharmacy gave me the wrong size. They gave me the small rather than the larger I guess. I haven't had children and I'm only 33 so I figured it would work just the same. I tried it for three days but alas I haven't found a position yet. I've had some unfortunate accidents, some that made me laugh and some that made me cringe in pain. But generally the experience has been neutral. I'm neither hating it nor really liking it. I will try it more... If it didn't leak I'd be really pleased... and use it tons. I'd love to save money on "feminine products"... and even do my part for the environment. I just wish I could get the thing to work.... anyone around use it? any suggestions?
Monday, January 2, 2012
A new friend
So bf has a new friend. He doesn't live in the same town as us but he comes to visit relatively often. He has a girlfriend and they've been together for about a year and a half. Oh and he's cute and... well, kinda flirty.
Just before New Year's the new friend and his gf stopped in for an afternoon and we got to talking. At one point his cell phone started ringing and he just looks at it then looks at his gf and says "its the crazy woman.", doesn't answer and proceeds to explain that he met this girl over the phone at work a while ago, and she started sending him pictures. (yeah right.... I know what's going on) Granted he wasn't in a relationship with his gf at the time of meeting this "phone woman" but he still receives pictures from her by email. And yes they are picture of her posing in all sorts of positions and clothes.
The point of this story is that I ended up defending him on why there were pictures of her on his computer still. He started explaining to his gf that when she sends him pictures he deletes the emails directly. But sometimes if he opens them the pictures get downloaded automatically.
He kept looking at me for confirmation, saying "Right? Right? you know what I mean" and I kept nodding and saying, "oh yeah, it depends on the format and email program...but yeah that can happen." And since neither bf nor this guy's gf know much about computers they both got sucked in...I'm assuming.
But to be honest, I doubt that's what's going on.
It was like he knew that he could rely on me. It was like he knew the stuff I get up to and was on my side... even if I know that's not the case. But there was definitely some sort of complicity going on there. He wasn't telling the truth, I could read it and I defended him, and he knew it.
Previous to that episode he stopped in on his own, just after Halloween, and he was in a rough patch with his gf. He's the same age as me and was, or perhaps is, going through a period where he's trying to figure out what he wants. We're going through the same things. We got to talking, bf was there too, but we could understand each other perfectly, reading between the lines of what the other was saying about partners. While bf was out of the room for a bit we talked more openly about relationships quite briefly there was no conclusion except that we're both in similar situations relationship wise and I gave him some rather basic advice.
Just before New Year's the new friend and his gf stopped in for an afternoon and we got to talking. At one point his cell phone started ringing and he just looks at it then looks at his gf and says "its the crazy woman.", doesn't answer and proceeds to explain that he met this girl over the phone at work a while ago, and she started sending him pictures. (yeah right.... I know what's going on) Granted he wasn't in a relationship with his gf at the time of meeting this "phone woman" but he still receives pictures from her by email. And yes they are picture of her posing in all sorts of positions and clothes.
The point of this story is that I ended up defending him on why there were pictures of her on his computer still. He started explaining to his gf that when she sends him pictures he deletes the emails directly. But sometimes if he opens them the pictures get downloaded automatically.
He kept looking at me for confirmation, saying "Right? Right? you know what I mean" and I kept nodding and saying, "oh yeah, it depends on the format and email program...but yeah that can happen." And since neither bf nor this guy's gf know much about computers they both got sucked in...I'm assuming.
But to be honest, I doubt that's what's going on.
It was like he knew that he could rely on me. It was like he knew the stuff I get up to and was on my side... even if I know that's not the case. But there was definitely some sort of complicity going on there. He wasn't telling the truth, I could read it and I defended him, and he knew it.
Previous to that episode he stopped in on his own, just after Halloween, and he was in a rough patch with his gf. He's the same age as me and was, or perhaps is, going through a period where he's trying to figure out what he wants. We're going through the same things. We got to talking, bf was there too, but we could understand each other perfectly, reading between the lines of what the other was saying about partners. While bf was out of the room for a bit we talked more openly about relationships quite briefly there was no conclusion except that we're both in similar situations relationship wise and I gave him some rather basic advice.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Accepting myself in different ways.
I haven't been on in ages due to the holidays. My dad came and went, it was nice to see him although unfortunately he and his wife caught the flu on the way here and were sick most of the time. It was pretty frustrating for everyone.
But what I'm really here to talk about is butch lesbian girls.
Ok so what got me on this topic was a character on a reality tv show.
Now to make things confusing she looks A LOT like a cute guy and with the dubbing into Italian I couldn't figure out whether she was a girl or a guy so I looked her up. But to be honest I found her hot, finding out that she is a girl almost turns me on more. It's enticing. I've never been totally attracted to women... I mean I love a woman's body, but I've never found a woman that turns me on just thinking about her. But this woman did and that surprised me.
I haven't had sex in ages. I've only
I have possibly found a solution to all my problems. My neighbours are moving away in March. I might take into consideration renting it and then subletting to tourists on occasion while using it as my own studio space.
hmmm
what else....
gah, I remember what it was I was thinking about....
I believe that I've never really liked my body. I probably have a hard time accepting myself for some reason. This is partially why I do what I do... why I'm constantly looking for approval or praise about it. It's something that I've known about myself or at least thought about myself but never wrote it out or admitted to it. So there it is.... in black and white I probably need to work on that.
Oh and I don't like skin... in general... Never look at it too closely it's pretty nasty.
But what I'm really here to talk about is butch lesbian girls.
Ok so what got me on this topic was a character on a reality tv show.
Now to make things confusing she looks A LOT like a cute guy and with the dubbing into Italian I couldn't figure out whether she was a girl or a guy so I looked her up. But to be honest I found her hot, finding out that she is a girl almost turns me on more. It's enticing. I've never been totally attracted to women... I mean I love a woman's body, but I've never found a woman that turns me on just thinking about her. But this woman did and that surprised me.
I haven't had sex in ages. I've only
I have possibly found a solution to all my problems. My neighbours are moving away in March. I might take into consideration renting it and then subletting to tourists on occasion while using it as my own studio space.
hmmm
what else....
gah, I remember what it was I was thinking about....
I believe that I've never really liked my body. I probably have a hard time accepting myself for some reason. This is partially why I do what I do... why I'm constantly looking for approval or praise about it. It's something that I've known about myself or at least thought about myself but never wrote it out or admitted to it. So there it is.... in black and white I probably need to work on that.
Oh and I don't like skin... in general... Never look at it too closely it's pretty nasty.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thoughts on Men, and Questions (at the end).
I haven't written a post in a while. Life takes over, especially around Christmas time.
My father is getting here on Thursday, and I still haven't finished doing everything I need to do before he gets here. Plus I have a million people to make little gifts for. I made all my Christmas gifts for friends this year.
Yes I can be crafty as well as artsy. So I got busy and made all sorts of things. But it's time consuming and somewhat stressful.
I haven't had anything really substantial going on these days. This is another reason for not writing I guess. I tend to get distracted by little things and concentrate less on boys on occasion... it doesn't happen all that often buuut I guess it's that time of the year.
I'm totally addicted to a new photo app on my iphone (sounds off topic, but it's one of my distractions lately), I love taking pictures, editing them and posting them to see what others think. There are so many cool people out there taking great pictures on their phones or other cameras, and editing them, making them artistic, pieces of pure creativity. I just love it.
ROB
I talked to Rob today... tonight, in the dark, whispering, words gliding over me, my hands cold running over my body as he told me what to touch and how fast to go. His offenses, calling me a slut, turns me on so much. We don't talk a whole lot when we're getting off. We're both shy that way. We stare at each other a lot. He's got a little more guts than I do, and he talks more. I love to listen to his voice.
We didn't stay on to talk after either, although sometimes I'd love to, but he's just not the type to hang around. Is that what's called the "Alpha male " syndrome? lol... in for the chase and then gone after? ah well I don't mind we have our chats during the day.
Last week we had a great conversation that lasted probably 1.5 to 2 hours. It was just chit-chat about whatever. I'm not sure he realizes how much I love those, or how much they turn me on after I hang up the phone. Nothing sexual passes in the conversations except for the occasional, "when are you coming", "are you going to fuck me again?" type questions. But after we get off the phone I end up getting so worked up. Maybe it's like a Pavlov's reaction to his voice or accent or something.
Co-Worker
As for work, things have been ambiguous with Co-Worker as usual. I Honestly don't know what to make of him most of the time... and I've been ignoring him. A few of the instances that had me confused were:
-walking up to me within an inch of my face and staring me down, only to walk away in utter silence after I ask "what?" quietly. (same one as described last entry)
-Walking up to me after my other co-worker notices I'm wearing perfume and sniffs my neck within a distance that I can feel his breath on my shoulder.
-giving me little encouraging nudges and pats for a job well done.
-we even joked about kisses, and he asked me to plant one on his cheek, it was in front of our clients and I did not obey.
-we also had our first argument of sorts. It's a long story but in the end we were both right, and he basically got frustrated at me for having blamed him (in a roundabout way) for his forgetting to tell me something, he did tell me but not on time. He thinks that it wasn't his place to tell me in the first place.
Whatever... in any case he got over it pretty quickly.
-He helped me with my dad's Christmas present idea.
Ignoring means that I haven't been flirting at all. I've been joking around, the usual stuff, just none of the typical touchy or me making it obvious. I think that could be why he's started with his games again.
He's just a player. But I do plan to do a little experiment on him to see his reaction. I'm planning to try his walk up close and stare game. See what he does. I've never done it to him. Except we won't be working together until a while after Christmas... so it'll have to wait.
TO ALL MEN:
Women do little experiments on you.
Did you know that?
I'd love to hear a man's voice. I'd love to find out if men do the same.
My father is getting here on Thursday, and I still haven't finished doing everything I need to do before he gets here. Plus I have a million people to make little gifts for. I made all my Christmas gifts for friends this year.
Yes I can be crafty as well as artsy. So I got busy and made all sorts of things. But it's time consuming and somewhat stressful.
I haven't had anything really substantial going on these days. This is another reason for not writing I guess. I tend to get distracted by little things and concentrate less on boys on occasion... it doesn't happen all that often buuut I guess it's that time of the year.
I'm totally addicted to a new photo app on my iphone (sounds off topic, but it's one of my distractions lately), I love taking pictures, editing them and posting them to see what others think. There are so many cool people out there taking great pictures on their phones or other cameras, and editing them, making them artistic, pieces of pure creativity. I just love it.
ROB
I talked to Rob today... tonight, in the dark, whispering, words gliding over me, my hands cold running over my body as he told me what to touch and how fast to go. His offenses, calling me a slut, turns me on so much. We don't talk a whole lot when we're getting off. We're both shy that way. We stare at each other a lot. He's got a little more guts than I do, and he talks more. I love to listen to his voice.
We didn't stay on to talk after either, although sometimes I'd love to, but he's just not the type to hang around. Is that what's called the "Alpha male " syndrome? lol... in for the chase and then gone after? ah well I don't mind we have our chats during the day.
Last week we had a great conversation that lasted probably 1.5 to 2 hours. It was just chit-chat about whatever. I'm not sure he realizes how much I love those, or how much they turn me on after I hang up the phone. Nothing sexual passes in the conversations except for the occasional, "when are you coming", "are you going to fuck me again?" type questions. But after we get off the phone I end up getting so worked up. Maybe it's like a Pavlov's reaction to his voice or accent or something.
Co-Worker
As for work, things have been ambiguous with Co-Worker as usual. I Honestly don't know what to make of him most of the time... and I've been ignoring him. A few of the instances that had me confused were:
-walking up to me within an inch of my face and staring me down, only to walk away in utter silence after I ask "what?" quietly. (same one as described last entry)
-Walking up to me after my other co-worker notices I'm wearing perfume and sniffs my neck within a distance that I can feel his breath on my shoulder.
-giving me little encouraging nudges and pats for a job well done.
-we even joked about kisses, and he asked me to plant one on his cheek, it was in front of our clients and I did not obey.
-we also had our first argument of sorts. It's a long story but in the end we were both right, and he basically got frustrated at me for having blamed him (in a roundabout way) for his forgetting to tell me something, he did tell me but not on time. He thinks that it wasn't his place to tell me in the first place.
Whatever... in any case he got over it pretty quickly.
-He helped me with my dad's Christmas present idea.
Ignoring means that I haven't been flirting at all. I've been joking around, the usual stuff, just none of the typical touchy or me making it obvious. I think that could be why he's started with his games again.
He's just a player. But I do plan to do a little experiment on him to see his reaction. I'm planning to try his walk up close and stare game. See what he does. I've never done it to him. Except we won't be working together until a while after Christmas... so it'll have to wait.
TO ALL MEN:
Women do little experiments on you.
Did you know that?
I'd love to hear a man's voice. I'd love to find out if men do the same.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Scheming
Christmas is on it's way. My father is coming to visit for a week around the holidays. I'm really excited about it. I just wish I could be in India with him and my sister at the moment. I'd just love to have that opportunity again... will it arise? probably not.
BF
Things with bf have been going surprisingly well. I have "moments of quite desperation", that I'm not sure whether I surpress or overcome. I can't quite tell right now. I still feel the urge to get out.
We had some decent sex the other night. I've been suffering from kidney stones again so it wasn't anything spectacular, but I did get off.
I've learned that if I want to get off when we have sex the first time after a long dry spell, I really have to work at it. A lot of clitoral stimulation, but it works and it seems to turn him on.
I even tried getting him to talk to me. But it didn't really work. I guess I kinda put him on the spot, but I eased the tension immediately taking things (literally) into my own hands
Rob
I have been planning... and scheming, and yes I think I'll be heading over there again to see him. In March probably. We've talked about it quite a bit, and this has also stimulated more frequent contact, or maybe not, maybe it's just me, and I've had some extra free time.
I love the little things with him. We caught each other on Skype one day, it was a nice conversation, nothing sexual, just random thoughts and stuff like two old friends. But I later got an email simply stating how he enjoyed our conversation but that he was looking forward to getting some pussy. It made me smile.
I later decided to send him a pic of my town. I've never sent him anything of where I live. I felt a bit strange doing it. But he liked it.
Then last night we got each other off online. Every time we get off, he takes time to just watch me. He holds his phone up, horizontal to his body, over his face, and he just watches. I love love love the look on his face when he watches me.
Co-Worker
I haven't really been working much, things have been slow at work. I did go in the other day for an hour or so. When I arrived, Co-Worker blocked my path, stood square in front of me 2 inches from my face and stared me down. He just stood there, not a word. It's not the first time. He does this on occasion. At least once a week when I'm working my full hours there. I still can't understand what it means, if anything. But I re-read my offline diary entries from Greece and I've realized that I need to trust my gut instinct more.
I ignored it my whole trip with him. But I was right all along, so I need to stay true to the senses I get.
BF
Things with bf have been going surprisingly well. I have "moments of quite desperation", that I'm not sure whether I surpress or overcome. I can't quite tell right now. I still feel the urge to get out.
We had some decent sex the other night. I've been suffering from kidney stones again so it wasn't anything spectacular, but I did get off.
I've learned that if I want to get off when we have sex the first time after a long dry spell, I really have to work at it. A lot of clitoral stimulation, but it works and it seems to turn him on.
I even tried getting him to talk to me. But it didn't really work. I guess I kinda put him on the spot, but I eased the tension immediately taking things (literally) into my own hands
Rob
I have been planning... and scheming, and yes I think I'll be heading over there again to see him. In March probably. We've talked about it quite a bit, and this has also stimulated more frequent contact, or maybe not, maybe it's just me, and I've had some extra free time.
I love the little things with him. We caught each other on Skype one day, it was a nice conversation, nothing sexual, just random thoughts and stuff like two old friends. But I later got an email simply stating how he enjoyed our conversation but that he was looking forward to getting some pussy. It made me smile.
I later decided to send him a pic of my town. I've never sent him anything of where I live. I felt a bit strange doing it. But he liked it.
Then last night we got each other off online. Every time we get off, he takes time to just watch me. He holds his phone up, horizontal to his body, over his face, and he just watches. I love love love the look on his face when he watches me.
Co-Worker
I haven't really been working much, things have been slow at work. I did go in the other day for an hour or so. When I arrived, Co-Worker blocked my path, stood square in front of me 2 inches from my face and stared me down. He just stood there, not a word. It's not the first time. He does this on occasion. At least once a week when I'm working my full hours there. I still can't understand what it means, if anything. But I re-read my offline diary entries from Greece and I've realized that I need to trust my gut instinct more.
I ignored it my whole trip with him. But I was right all along, so I need to stay true to the senses I get.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Hide N' Take
I had a few free moments this morning while bf was out getting groceries. And Since I have some new photo apps on my iphone I figured I'd play around with those for HNT.
*And yes, there are three pictures to find again this week.*
*And yes, there are three pictures to find again this week.*
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