Look into my eyes not my tits.

Ok so while at lunch I had an interesting conversation with my guy friends. It was the typical male conversation about how women dress. Except this time I was actually agreeing with them. I wouldn't normally but something in me has changed a bit.

So the gist is this: they say that when a woman with nice breasts wears low cut shirts, it's pretty much impossible not to look. And women get angry that men keep staring at their tits instead of staring at their faces when they speak.

I had a recent experience of one of the students who came to our school. She was an over 50yr old Danish woman with a nice figure and wore push up bras and super low cut shirts. And I mean those square neckline shirts where your tits are just falling out type shirts. You know, the barmaid look. The whole week while doing lessons with these students, I couldn't look the woman in the face. I tried to look her in the eyes while speaking with her, but it was literally impossible! My eyes kept falling to her chest!

What's wrong with me?? I'm a woman, I should't be staring at tits! Is the fact that mine are small an excuse?

In any case I could totally understand what my guy friends were saying. And all I wanted to was defend women by saying that they had to just TRY but I realised that it truly is impossible, or perhaps not impossible but very difficult.

They also said that they thought women dressed to attract attention sometimes. I have done it... it's true... but women sustain that it's not true and that men shouldn't stare.

I honestly don't know who's right and who's wrong.

My day, Rob and other ramblings

I had an interesting day today. I went to work thinking I'd only be doing the morning. I dressed accordingly. I was wrong though, I ended up working afternoon too. On Monday mornings I just go to a relatively clean studio and I play the part of the professional interpreter for the morning. In the afternoon, I sometimes go to a dusty messy studio and play the part of the jeans n' T artist. So this morning thinking I'd be just playing interpreter I went dressed up. I wore a black figure fitting cotton dress that is above the knee length and tends to be off the shoulder. I wore kitty heel black patent sandals, grey leggings and a wide elastic belt worn high, over my ribs.

Check the middle picture, something like that anyhow...

NOT ME! lol

So yeah I was decked out hair up with a shiny black headband. I don't normally go to work like that unless I'm teaching, (I don't get too dirty while I'm teaching). 

When I go to lunch I eat with a group of about 10 people, not everyone is there every day. But this group includes my cute colleague and other men, among which a gay man and some other men in their late 40s early 50s. One guy, a good friend of mine, who would never think of really truly flirting with me got all hot and bothered around me today. He actually bit me on my neck. He asked me what kinds of words I say during "those moments", whether I spoke in Italian or in English. He told me that having my bra strap visible was a turn on... it was over the top for him... with me that is. Good thing I'm not terribly attracted to him. 

Then my cute colleague told my boss that she shouldn't let her personnel "dress like that".  He also told me that he'd like to bite me, and I almost answered... "go on bite me", I had to bite my own tongue to keep myself from saying something. Oh man. Hormone overload today.

Under the shower today I had a moment of almost melting at some of those thoughts but I gathered myself without ado and finished my shower.

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On a separate note I talked to Rob the other afternoon. I told everyone that I was doing my translation and I hid in the bedroom for a few hours. He came online and without video, or rather with just my vid on occasionally we chatted. I got some stuff off my chest about family and anxieties and stuff, it was good. He made me feel so good, and there was nothing sexual in the chat, it was nice. Really, really nice. 

I asked him to tell me a story. He told me this wonderful story. It was really cool. I can't describe it really, but I'll try to write it up and post it here at some point soon. All I can say is that I was mesmerised. I just sat staring at the screen waiting for the next sentence. It was so descriptive that I could smell the smells, I could imagine everything he was saying, and feel the sensations of the sun or wind on my skin. It was just a description of an afternoon. When I talk to him I spend the whole next day thinking about him. 

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Things with the family are getting more intense. Bf's brother was doing very well up till now. The chemo caused a kind of inflammation of the mouth, oesophagus, and intestine. They say it's normal, or within the norm. He can't talk, eat or drink though and they gave him a morphine patch. The wife showed up here yesterday in tears. The only one who went to comfort her, (and bf's mother and sister were both there), was me. I gave her a hug and led her to the couch where she sat with me and cried. Then the sister came over and started crying too. 

This brother who's in hospital has two kids, the son is the (ex?)drug dealer kid. The daughter is a sweet 14 yr old who is staying with us at the moment. So I've got bf's mother and niece in the little bedroom on bunk beds and his sister is on the couch. This means less privacy than before. No watching tv late, no late internet, NO FREE TIME AT ALL unless I manage to lock myself in the bedroom to do my translation. At which point I generally want to work on the translation and I don't do much else. 

The 14yr old has latched on to me. I love her, she's a wonderful kid. But she feels abandoned by her parents, especially her mother who is working tons and spending her free time at the hospital (of course).  I think the girl is seriously afraid for her father, but she shows no emotion whatsoever. I'm worried about her. I try to spend time with her when I can. 

Too many ramblings. Next post will be shorter, promise!

Staring during sex.

So bf and I had sex as soon as we got home on last Friday night. It was strange. I wasn't really that turned on. I think I was feeling a bit funny in the tummy. But I enjoyed the sex nonetheless.

The fact that I wasn't that turned on, and that my body was functioning on its own by producing enough lubrication to have sex 100 times, made it strange. I was oddly alert, I usually blank out from the overwhelming sensations. But I stayed on top, propped up on one arm, lifting my hips enough so that bf could move on his own under me, and he just fucked me however he wanted, whatever speed, however hard. All I did was watch him, with my eyes wide open. I never do that. I'll take peeks, look, sure and watch, but not STARE like I did that night. I stared straight at his face, if his eyes were open I'd stare into them.
He must have loved it. He smiled at me, he made all sorts of faces, he even spoke to me. Which he rarely does except for the ending phrase "I'm gonna cum". This time he asked me if it was ok that he play with my ass. I nodded and smiled. He always plays with my ass, he has never asked.

The other thing that distinguished this experience from the others was the fact that I was pretty bored with what was going on, it was all too normal. I wanted something else, something different, something new. I should have said so, I tried to say something like "get a move on", but it wasn't enough. I'll have to be more direct next time.

He pulled my hair a little which was a first. And when I got bored enough I made him get up and fuck me doggy style, with my shoulders and head planted on the bed. I stimulated my clit and I could feel him getting bigger and pulsing inside me. As he was pulling out, I came. It wasn't a massive overwhelming orgasm. It was shorter, probably because he had pulled out and the internal stimulation was gone.

The next morning he was at the hospital, I was home in bed, bf's mother in the other room, and I was horny as hell. I got myself off. I had to think of some random situation of being fucked from behind, no one in particular was involved, just hands groping and a cock inside me. It was fast and again not overwhelming, but better than the night before enough to satisfy me.

That afternoon we had a moment of time on the bed alone, I was on top of him, just laying there, and we started talking. He said that there were so many times while we were having sex that he would have wanted to say "I love you" but he never got up the courage. He also said "you'd have never thought of doing that, right?" but it was a half joke. I didn't answer. I just smiled and laughed it off.
Then he said that he had been thinking that if on the off and very odd chance I got pregnant, he wouldn't ask me to abort. Those were his words. Strange eh? hmm anyhow he said that it would be a boy, and I refused. I have always known I'd never give birth to a boy. But we giggled about that.

In hindsight the conversation was strange. Between the comment about me not saying I love you, and the abortion thing, it was odd. I was happy about the comments in general. But writing them here make me think they're strange. Perhaps it is the English translation that screws with me, perhaps it's the tone of voice. Who knows.

HNT

As promised this week I have a new click thru HNT 

I haven't been able to get on line to check up on blogs much recently, but I'll do my rounds soon.

Things change fast

So I'm sitting at home with Bf's mother across from me. It's getting dark and I just finished rewording stuff for the English version of a website.

The family has been hectic. I'm not as happy as I usually am with them around. It probably has to do with so much time spent with them already. 10 days down south and now another week. I don't have any space of my own, no privacy at all. I had to take my laptop into the bedroom today to get the pseudo translation done and while I was at it I took the opportunity to very quickly get myself off, I haven't had an orgasm since the "bad sex" while on holiday down south. For someone who has 3 or 4 of my own creation on a normal day, that's a long time without.

The family has been falling apart around us, total chaos has taken over. I'll recap the situation quickly.

Brother 1 is in hospital with a bone marrow cancer, he is doing a stem cell transplant and all is going spectacularly well so far. His son is a drug dealer and was kicked out of the house this spring, but came home shortly after and bf helped him find a job (I wrote his CV) and he seems to be behaving himself, he even went to see his father in hospital. Younger 14 yr old daughter is staying with a friend until her father is more stable.

Brother 2 is separated from his wife, left for a much younger (35 yr old) Romanian woman. When he left his wife she became anorexic and depressed and was sent to hospital. They (the brother and three daughters) found her an apartment and she went to live there where she became more depressed and anorexic once again. The oldest daughter went to live on her own and in the meantime the other two daughters, one 19yrs old and one 15 had an argument with dad and neo-girlfriend and ran off to their sister's place. Mother got sent back to hospital and when she got out the apartment was pulled out from under her feet because she wasn't paying rent. She went to stay with the eldest daughter.
4 people in the same tiny apartment, all is being paid by the oldest daughter who is 22, rent, gas for the car, food, cigarettes, her own teeth (braces). She's working two jobs.
The middle girl (the brightest) graduated from high school without even a phone call from her dad or her mum for that matter. She can't figure out whether to go to University or to go to work to help her sister cope (we're trying to figure out how to convince her to go to Uni). The youngest will be back at high school in mid September, we're still trying to figure out where they're going to get money for the books.

I can remember when I met bf, he had such a great family, two happy brothers with wives and kids. now it's just a total mess. Just a year ago things were fine.

We're trying to be mediators whenever we can, but it takes a toll on energy levels.

I'll have an HNT pic up for tomorrow. I have the day off work, I have to work on a translation so I'll be able to take time to myself.

I want to get back to my regular life!

The strange evening.

Where to start where to start? There are so many things I'd ramble on about if I had more time, but I don't so I'll start with the strange evening. I have to do a bit of back tracking to set the scene though, so bear with me here.

Bf has a lot of friends in his home town, most of them live abroad or north as I mentioned before. Two good friends still live in this TINY town. One is a lawyer and the other has a small company. Let's call these two the Locals. They're the stars of the story.

The locals were quite secretive when we got to town, they didn't do the usual call and meet up with bf when we got in. We later found out that they'd been hanging out with two foreign girls, one Russian and one Romanian (these two races are not considered very highly here, that has nothing to do with my opinion but more the general public opinion. I have to set the feeling around these women).

According to a friend of theirs, they were both worried that the other outsider friends would make fun of them because they'd been spending a lot of money on these girls. Between dinners and drinks drinks they were spending in and around 500 euros for an evening. (doesn't sound like much but down there its TONS. Consider a beer is 1 euro)

One evening we decided to corner the group, lawyer, small company guy and the two girls, and get them to tell us where they were going. It was bf myself and another accountant friend who lives in Milan. First we went to a disco. And this was the first place I saw the two women.

One was super tall wearing extremely high heels, a white tube dress with a zipper up the front (which was unzipped to show her bra), the dress just barely covered her ass. A round and to me slightly tired face, but young looking. Too much eye makeup and frizzy fried platinum blond hair layered to her shoulders.

The other girl was short, with longer golden thin straight hair, a really ruined face with WAY too much black eye makeup. She had a round belly (almost as if she were a few months pregnant) poorly hidden under a red tube dress. The red tube dress didn't even cover her ass most of the time, nor her black bra. 

We had a few drinks there, the girls were never introduced to me or bf, and they kept their distance. They danced by themselves in the middle of the room with the bar (where no one else was dancing). Then the girl in the red dressed moved towards the bar where there was the lawyer boy and another guy. This guy (I have NO idea who he was, as far as I could tell he had nothing to do with our group) had his hands all over this chick. I mean ALL OVER, mostly her ass. Groping her and she turned around to grind her ass on his crotch.... man oh man... With the Lawyer boy standing right there watching and touching her as well.

Then we moved to another place. I got tipsy at this point and went to dance on my own. I didn't want anything to do with these girls. They seemed like (and I was told they were probably) prostitutes. The tall white dressed girl danced most of the evening by the DJ alone as if she were strip teasing or pole dancing without a pole. She was pulled aside by different guys during the evening including the accountant who she evidently didn't want to deal with. The shorter, red dressed girl was all over guys all over the place.

When I came up from the dance floor (where I danced alone since bf doesn't dance, and where I was hit up by a few guys), the red dress girl was cornered between three guys including the bf's friend the lawyer boy. When I say cornered I mean all three guys had their crotches touching this chick. They were all groping, no kissing, just a lot of hands everywhere.

I've never seen anything like it in person. I don't even know what to think. I can't be sure they are prostitutes. I can't judge them because in a foreign country in a place where I don't know anyone I may even do the same. Although I can say one thing, it was super sleazy I mean slimy sleazy (this is my personal opinion). I couldn't quite grasp what it was, perhaps the fact they were dressed so provocatively, perhaps the overuse of the eyeliner pencil or perhaps their behaviour but they were pretty nasty.

My other personal opinion was that being "embarrassed about the quantity of money spent" was a joke. The real reason they didn't want anyone around is because they were organising threesomes or gangbangs with these girls. I mean I don't know, but is it normal for a girl to be cornered like that between three guys if she's not organising to fuck them all??

Right so that's the story. Well most of it. The story ends that I get into an argument with bf because he let his VERY drunk accountant friend drive us home. He almost drove us into a wall then into a pole... we ended up, luckily, driving onto the sidewalk (a foot high), and narrowly missing the wall.

Me dancing, bf took the pic.

I got home at 5:30am and had a relatively nice evening dancing on my own. Nothing much to say there.

**On a side note I took the pictures of the red dressed girl with the accountant and cropped him out. I won't leave this image up for long. The white dress girl pic was taken by accident, she was in the background of another picture, and again for privacy I won't leave her up long either. I highly, highly doubt anyone I know from this part of the world or theirs will be reading this and will recognise them. But I do respect them enough to take them down in a week.**

HNTired

I've been meaning to write a post about a strange evening here. I haven't had time to breath here at all. Bf wouldn't let me use the computer here, he kept saying I had to keep his mother company... I had to wake up at 8 o'clock today to get this pic up. There's no click-thru this week but I'll make up for it next week. Today we're heading back home. I'm glad to be going home. I'm tired of this place. If it didn't have a beach I'd have gone crazy. Only problem now is that bf's brother is in hospital for heavy chemo and a stem cell transplant so bf's mother and sister are coming back up north with us. I will have very little time again because I'll be working next week too. Here's to hoping I'll manage.