Young love

I think I have figured out why mother nature makes us fall in love prevalently when we are young. As we get older people change. They get more quirky. But that's not the reason why.
The reason why is that we are wiser and notice other people's quirks more. We are capable of recognizing the ones that are dangerous, and the ones that define others as obsessive compulsive, manic depressive or what ever other disorder.
It gets harder and harder to find a long lasting partner as we get older because of just that, we notice their faults more than we did when we were younger.
When you're young and reckless you don't pay attention to details as much, to faults and quirks. When you're older it's often all you notice in a person, the things that annoy you, or just plain piss you off.

What do you think?

Balance

I have decided. I'm absolutely positive about this. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

A couple has to love each other equally to be able to have a lasting relationship that is worth anything.

I've realized that more than 90% of my long lasting relationships (which aren't many) haven't been totally balanced. There is usually one person involved who is "more in love" than the other. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's him.

I'm coming to realize that a true "soul mate" is someone you love unconditionally and who loves you unconditionally. I also know that it is a pretty rare thing to find.

To be honest. I don't know what I have now. I'm guessing that there's a kind of equality because it has lasted so long. I think it may just be out of habit or we're just used to each other. There's love but it's not that passionate unconditional love.

A psychologist once told me that "the man you marry isn't always the one you love passionately". That just sounds sad to me.

10 years of my life

I need to get something straight: I have been with the same guy for over 10 years. He's Italian. I kinda ended up living with him by chance. It wasn't really a choice. We had a scary, hellish first year, but we learned to love each other, like an arranged marriage. There are times when I think to myself that I love him, I can't live without him. Other times when I jut wish he'd disappear.

The sex is good when we have it. It's very traditional most of the time. But I love a little pain. I like the thrill of being tied up, being teased. And he doesn't give that to me.

I find myself looking at other guys. I fantasize about other men. I have cheated on my man. With an old flame from Canada.

I feel like I'm running out of time for this kind of thing.

Do I feel guilty?
Sometimes.

Should I go ahead with fantasies?
Probably not.

Will I go ahead with my fantasies?
Probably at some point.