Sunday, July 30, 2017

Fucking Neighbour Yet Again.

So some of you may remember my stalker neighbour. He was posting on fb narrowing his audience to just me and sending me what I now call private posts.

This meant that his posts were very specific and only I could see them but they still seem public. Sneaky and a little creepy because you're never actually sure they're for you. The only two giveaways are that: they appear at the top of your feed, as if you've been tagged, but you haven't; and that there's a gear symbol instead of the little people symbol next to the post. So It's a restricted audience but you can't possibly know who it's restricted to.

The function itself: to be able to send someone a post that only they can see is kind of cool... but used this way is very confusing and there's no way to prove it really.

My first tactic was to ignore the private posts. The second tactic was to ignore all his posts. If he continued I would either tell his girlfriend or call him out on it.

I called him out on it. After weeks of him not sending me any more posts I rode past him on my bicycle as he was getting into his car in front of our building. I courteously said hello and he said hi back. It was not the first interaction between us, but during the last one his girlfriend was there too.

Next thing I know, there's a private post for me saying (loosely translated) "give a person a compliment and they give you the cold shoulder". The next one said "kisses".

I decided to write him a message on fb messenger. I told him that his habit of flirting on fb via private posts was inappropriate and making me feel uncomfortable. I mentioned that I wouldn't want to get the wrong idea that he was hitting on me because I'm a friend of his gf and I figured she'd be really upset if she found out her boyfriend was behaving like that.

The letter went on a bit but that's the basic idea.

After I sent it he wrote back "private posts? sorry, I think you're mistaken."
I said "oh ok, I must be wrong then I was seeing certain specific posts that never got any public reactions, but I must be wrong then."
When I said that he said "people avoid me, I don't get many reactions on my posts but now I'm curious."
I then replied "Never mind I must be mistaken"

He's sorta gaslighting me! After our brief conversation I wasn't sure about myself and what I thought he'd been doing. My friend told me not to second guess myself so going back through his feed I'm now certain (I took screenshots of some of them), also he took the "kisses" post down, further proving my suspicion.
Now, the fact that he would deny it and then try to instigate more reactions/explanations from me with "now I'm curious" makes me so angry.  I mean buddy give it the fuck up. His best bet would have been to play dead, ignore my email and just cease and desist.

Another friend suggested I tag his girlfriend in his private posts to me... but I tested that out with a friend and it doesn't work. The person tagged can't see the tag or the post.

I'm very very tempted to send him a private post saying "playing with fire" or something similar or sending him a private post tagging his girlfriend just to scare him, even though I know she can't see it.

I'm a little afraid of making him angry. I'm afraid he'll stalk me harder looking to dig up dirt on me and I risk getting exposed on here. So I'll likely not do anything.

I am still contemplating telling his girlfriend. I had originally thought I'd give him this last chance.... but now I'm not so sure.

Friday, July 28, 2017

I'm back... I tried a pregnancy test!

Let's start with the strange stuff. last week I tried my first ever pregnancy test. I was five or six days late on my period. A couple weeks before the bf and I had fairly intense sexcapades, he always pulls out but there's always a chance.

It was weird, I wasn't expecting one result or another. Maybe I'm still processing. Maybe I'll burst into tears at some point. But I was fairly indifferent about the whole thing.
After day 4 of being late and complaining to the bf that I couldn't fit into last year's jeans I joked saying, maybe I'm pregnant and we laughed.

Is indifference even possible for me around this topic?

Anyhow end result: I wasn't pregnant.

I was however over a week late and well, that's when other thoughts of running out of eggs crosses my mind and I feel slightly depressed about it. Possibly more about the age than not having kids tho.... or maybe it's just me processing. Everything went back to normal eventually. 

I haven't been able to post regularly recently because I Apple is boycotting Google or vice versa as far as I can see it. They removed the Blogger app from the Apple store and the version I had on my phone obviously stopped working. So I'm forced to use my computer. I might be able to find another solution but for now my posts will likely be slower to come. 

In other news. I got around to altering that Beastie Boys shirt Rob sent me in his care package with the ceramic bowls ages ago. Which means I can wear it on a regular basis. I was a little scared to work on it, I didn't want to ruin it. But I'm happy with how it turned out. It was a colour that was too similar to my skin tone so I dyed it grey and then I cut the sleeves off and the neck off to make a tank top and put brass eyelets up the sides to make it a lace up. It looks good. I love it and wear it often. It is obviously a constant reminder of Rob. I wouldn't take it off if I had a choice.

There's a ton of stuff going on in terms of my inheritance and I have to go back to North America soon to sort some things out so I've been very busy getting things ready with that. I asked Rob if he wanted to come with me. I knew it wouldn't be possible but it was fun to fantasize about. I have a week right at the beginning where I will be alone without anyone to hang out with. So I thought I'd ask him if he'd join me. He said yes... but obviously he can't. We joked about it for a day, I even looked up flights for him, all in good fun.... I wish... I totally wish. That would be so cool.

Things with Co-W have been pretty usual. There was one minor slip on my behalf the other day. He had told me something and I contradicted him, and when I realized I was wrong I apologized. He was so smug about it he put his head in front of my face, with his ear next to my mouth and said, "say that again" when I apologized again, he came closer to my face with his ear and said "what was that?" so I licked his earlobe. 

It wasn't a decision. It was instinct. After it happened I just sat there stunned at myself thinking what was wrong with me. 

I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the afternoon and kept making stupid mistakes.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Not dead

I'm still here. I will be back soon with actual posts. So hi....