Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Head games

Just a quick update on co-w just cause it's weird. 
Things get all intense and frequent and then he goes silent. 

If you ask me, men play more head games than women do: provoking, then laying low; luring then backing away. Drawing you in closer and closer until it's the only thing you want and then they act uninterested and distant. 

Maybe they don't realise it. Maybe it's just that they crave attention but not too much. If that's the case then make up your minds already! 

Monday, March 17, 2014

Full swing

Ok wow. I've got so much going on I don't even know if my feet are still attached to my body. 

The move is in full swing except that I only have the weekends and a very small car to get anything done. Which means things are getting done slowly and in installments. 

I've got the new/used bed put together and painted, I've got a bookshelf unit dismantled and remantled thanks to the bf. I've bought the wardrobe wall unit, and I've painted the aforementioned bed. I've also put one coat of paint on the aforementioned bookshelf unit. All this in three days spending almost an entire day in IKEA hell. 

I get so overwhelmed in places like ikea cause there's so much stuff, so many choices and sizes and prices. I wanted to cry by the time I got home. I had only bought the wardrobe. I couldn't decide on anything else. 

The bf is being a doll. He's helping me as best he can. I've just got so much other stuff going on I can't keep up with everything. 

I had an interview with an association for a course this spring/summer and it went well. They asked me to send an estimated cost and I've decided to ask for a fairly large sum of money. I don't care if they get someone else because the price is too high. I've got way too much on my plate to even consider charging less. I'd rather have the free time. 

There's all that plus all the bureaucratic stuff like banking and rent and the bills... Plus I'm working every day from 9-9 minimum really. I don't know when I'll do anything. 
Can I hide under a rock now? 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


It was Tuesday night when I got a message on fb from co-worker and back into the flirty talking. Consider our last chat was on Sunday night so that's fairly quick. I wasn't expecting that.

It's incredible really, he's just really coming on so strong. I don't know what's hit him, maybe the upcoming 1st birthday of his daughter or something. Or maybe because he has his privacy back because he bought a new laptop, his previous one died.
I don't know how I should respond. My natural response is to flirt right back, and so that's what I've been doing, playing into it just as hard, but it's quite obvious I shouldn't. He's got a kid and a girlfriend, and nothing good can come of this.

The climax of the conversation (no pun intended today) was when we were saying goodnight. He said that he was going to sleep, then in his rudimentary English he asked if I'd lay down with him.

He joked saying he wanted to check if the correct verb was to "lay down".

I answered it was correct and in a separate chat I said "I wish". (slap me on the wrist and call me bad).

Then he said that he was practicing English with a gorgeous girl.

He also asked me if he'd see me on Wednesday or Thursday when he knows full well that I don't go in until Friday and he's not generally working on Fridays.

In other news I got the keys to my apartment today! It was quite the feeling. I'm still feeling a bit funky. I'm nervous and excited and just generally having a hard time eating. So much going on these days. I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I went in to see it today after they put the kitchen and the bathroom in. It's nice. I really like the kitchen. Funny thing though, it's the SAME kitchen as bf's place. The colour and everything. Kinda weird. The bathroom has dark furniture, I'd have preferred something lighter, but oh well. It's classy.

I can't really believe it's happening. It feels very surreal. Very strange to be in a place on my own.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Looking for something

I saw Co-Worker on Monday. I was at work briefly and we didn't have a lot of interaction but what little we had felt... It felt... um different. It's really hard to define or describe it. It was so minute, almost impercievable. 

He looked me straight in the eyes when I walked in. He does that sometimes but when he does he lets you know he's doing it, he is super obvious about it. This time it was like he was looking for something but without wanting me to notice. 

He kept doing it too. He kept meeting my eyes and I would look but my then I would look away. 

What came out if our mouthes was normal, like every day but there was a hint of 'trying for normal' that isn't usually there. 

What was he looking for? 

Maybe it was just very slightly awkward or maybe he was looking for my reaction. Maybe we were both looking for the truth. 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Holy Co-Worker Batman!

You know that sensation when your heart beats a million times a minute and your temperature rises, you break into a bit of a sweat and you can't focus.

Co-Worker admitted to me that  there was a time when I was always on his mind. 

We got into a Whatsapp chat the other night. We chatted for quite a while about random stuff... mostly about where we live and whether it would be best to get out of here and get to a more profitable country.

I was kinda naughty at this stage and asked him to come with me to open a shop back in North America. We've joked about it before, he has brought it up in the past so it wasn't out of the blue.

Anyhow, once on the topic of moving away we started on his relationship and why his gf doesn't want to leave here. He stated something odd: that you can't move to another country if you're lacking two things, money and "emotions". We were chatting in English so I imagine he meant an emotional connection (with his girlfriend). 

It was an obvious plea for me to ask him about his relationship status so I did. His answer surprised me though. He said that they have had some serious problems but now their communication has improved greatly. They've grown up. 
(Remember they have a 1-yr-old kid now).

All of a sudden, while we're talking about their relationship in English he just blurts it out, in his mother tongue nonetheless! (He wanted to be crystal clear). 
He says "y'know up to a few years ago you were always on my mind". 

My face started to heat up with a flush of blood. Blushing terribly, heart racing, thinking "And you're telling me now?!? Wtf!". (Good thing the bf was sleeping).

It took me a few seconds to answer and by the time I got my wits together he'd written the phrases "just to change the topic ;-)" and "don't ask me anything". 

My response was in English, contrasting his language, it read "that makes two of us, problem is we never did anything about it". 

He didn't respond to that. I'm not sure he  fully understood the two phrases. "That makes two of us" makes no sense translated literally, but I imagine he got the gist of it. 

The conversation went on to other random topics as if those phrases were never pronounced. 

My brain obviously goes into overdrive with something like this and I end up analyzing it to pieces. Initially I just thought he wanted to get things off his chest, but today I'm thinking that maybe he's trying to keep his options open. 

It has certainly piqued my interest. It feels like it's opened a channel for communication, but maybe I'm wrong. I also have strong feelings about men with kids and a partner, I don't want to get involved, it's a line I've promised myself I would never cross. Maybe he has noticed my distance and lack of flirting with him recently and felt the need to push a little to get it back.

Tempting... so tempting.