Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Error, Error, Overload...

Time's up. I leave tomorrow. It's been a crazy hair-raising week and yesterday I was incredibly stressed without even leaving the house.

I have a million things going on including:
-organizing the trip for my boss and two friends... tickets, materials, conference Powerpoint, speech, workshop....
-Organizing the evening courses I teach, ALL OF THEM because I'm the only one who seems to take it upon herself to do it. Ordering books, deciding where to put students, coordinating the coordinator...
-Testing new students
-Training a new teacher who is subbing me, but also getting her first teaching experience.
-Organizing all of my lessons and hers  for when I am away.
-Worrying about what to bring, the weather is crazy all over the place.
-Spending time with the bf because he's being a doll.

Here's what else is going on.
-I'm meeting with Rob and I'm constantly thinking about that. It's hard to concentrate on the rest.
-Some stuff has come up with Co-Worker even but I'm not going to get into it now.

-NLikes @ My Dissolute Life had an interesting reaction to my Prostitution posts on his Blog with the collaboration of Hy @ A Dissolute Life Means. I'm flattered they chose my blog for the Dissolutes segment they do. I'd like to answer in detail all the questions and comments especially from NLikes but I don't have time to do that before I leave. So I'm going to simply address the most important issues here now, hoping life wont be insane when I get back so I might discuss them further.

Suffice it to say for now, that I agree with Hy. I think N seems to miss the sentiment of the post a little. It was a personal entry (as all my posts) and mostly me complaining about the attitude of men here as well as questions to my male blogger friends about why. As many of my readers already know I am an expat in this adopted country of mine which often leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to the locals and their behavior sometimes.

Not all men are jerks, but if 90% of the guys you know act like one you're gonna think they all are. And I'm not saying my friends are jerks, they're not. Just culturally, they behave like 15 year old boys when it comes to prostitutes and talking about sex. Most of the men I come in contact with have this behaviour, and sure there are exceptions. Sometimes I wonder if it's me. I wonder if my openness about these subjects spurns them to speak in a certain way. The bf hates it, I don't blame him, but at the same time, for the most part, I don't care... until it comes to prostitution.

As for my fears around having sex with someone who has been with a prostitute I'm sticking to my guns. I think in an email with N I mentioned this analogy so I'll repeat it here: If you get handed a candy without a wrapper, say a Jolly Rancher, some candy you love most people would probably wonder: "where does the candy come from?" "Is it from my loved one's hands or did other people touch it first?" "Did the dog lick it first?" "Did someone find it in a pile of poo?"

If you simply don't know, or suspect it was passed around a crowded room first coughed on and dropped, you probably won't eat it. If you watched it come out of the wrapper and it was handed to you then you probably would.

I feel the same way about having sex with a guy who has been sleeping with a person who has had numerous partners, whether it be a prostitute or some random chick in a bar. Fact is prostitutes, I fear, have a higher probability of carrying STDs. I'm not saying HIV or Aids or anything that serious, but other nasty things like warts, herpes, chlamydia or whatever other horrible things go around.

I'm not saying all prostitutes carry STDs, and I'm sure many (especially in North America) get regular check ups and take a million precautions otherwise it would be bad for business. But honestly, here, especially in the poorer parts of Eastern Europe I HIGHLY doubt the women get any checks done unless they are higher end call girls. I'm also willing to bet the ones standing on the streets here (and there are many) couldn't care less about getting checked.

N brings up a number of issues on the sex trade in general. I'm certainly no expert but I think it's pretty safe to say that Eastern Europe is rather different than North America when it comes to organized crime, prostitution rings, import and export of sex workers and the quality of product men are receiving.

That's all I can say for now without going into a lot of crazy detail. I just don't have the time. But I will keep an eye on the blogs he's mentioned, as I suggest others do too. They all look excellent.


One last thing I'd like to put out there before I go is an article I read recently about partners. I found it super interesting and thought provoking. It's something I've been trying to put my finger on for years and I think she nailed it. 


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Hair Pulling Tips

yes yes yes yes

 I am a fan of hair pulling or at least I think I am. Problem is I haven't had a single guy who was able to pull hair properly. The bf knows I like it and he has tried but he doesn't seem to grasp the basics of hair pulling. Rob hasn't really tried yet... though I'll likely ask him to.

It may seem like details to you but doing it right can be a real turn on while doing it wrong can be painful or just not sexy. Here are some tips that I think would work... Mind you I imagine this has something to do with preferences and taste; how much pain you want to feel.

When pulling hair:
-it's important to grasp all of it, or almost all of it. Bangs (or fringe as the brits say) can be left out but as much as possible of the rest should be grasped.

-Try not to weave your fingers into my hair too much... a little is unavoidable, but fingers get easily tangled in hair and it can also be painful.

Not like this

-It's best to grip a large quantity from the roots, not from the ends and not just a handful on top of my head like a serial killer about to cut my throat.

NO.... see his hand gripping just a little on the top?!? that just plain hurts and you're also pulling my hair out, don't want hair being pulled out during hot sex.

-It's easiest if you think about it in terms of a ponytail. Lets imagine my hair in a high pony tail, where do you grip it? Yank from the base where the elastic would be. And yes you should be trying to create a pony tail with your hands if my hair isn't up already.

-If my hair his long enough you can actually wrap my hair around your hand and make a fist.

Fuck yes
- Like in the picture above, you can get some distance from the head if my hair is already tied up. Hair is often cut in layers and some of those layers get away if you try to grip too far from the head.

Yes please
-Use hair pulling to get me into positions.
-Use it to pull me away from you to keep me from doing what I really want to do: suck your cock. The best tease.
-Use it to make me look at you while you fuck me or my mouth
-Use it to dominate me into kissing you
-Use it to steady me as you fuck me from behind.
-Use it to make me arch my back unnaturally
-Just USE IT.... get your hand around my hair and pull hard as you fuck me, pull my hair with every thrust to get more momentum. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Post 701 and my trip!

I'm currently at 701 posts. That is including drafts mind you. There are 52 drafts that have never been published and most likely never will. To celebrate, what better than a post about my trip to see Rob? The whole reason this blog exists.

My trip is drawing closer, I leave on the 23rd. The closer I get the more excited I get. The feeling in my stomach gets more intense every time I think about things.

I bought my train ticket to meet Rob yesterday. It was actually the second time I've bought it, the first time I kept him on iMessage an hour figuring out the best times, places etc. Since some plans had to change I had to get another ticket. This time I just did it. I knew all the details, I told him that I was doing it, I texted him. But once it was done, I just told him the arrival time and he simply answered "I'll be waiting".

The simplicity of that phrase is just lovely. I'm always making a mountain out of a molehill but I adored that phrase. It meant a lot to me. I'm not even sure why. I guess the reality of it all kind of hit me when he sent it. And it was so simple and final that I barely knew what to answer.

Butterflies were definitely having a party in my tummy that day. It's not so much nerves as excitement I guess. I don't get nervous until a day or two before meeting. This time I'll be busy with colleagues and work right up until the last minute. Hopefully I won't be a wreck for work. I'll just have to keep my mind on what I'm doing.

Friday, October 10, 2014


JFB brings up a good point around prostitution. I've always been pro legalizing and controlling prostitution so that there is more safety and less pimping and importing going on.

What I don't get though is why men feel the need to resort to it. Don't get me wrong, I get it on some level but on another I just don't. It's like men have absolutely no control over their sexual urges. But they do. I've seen it. 

Why is it that women rarely go for paid sex? Are men totally incapable of dealing with their urges in any other way? That's what I don't get. And I don't think that between men and women our desire is any less intense either. There's also the health issues involved, I'd rather know my partner was in a binogomous relationship between me and another someone than going to prostitutes and risking my and his health.... mind you I do realise there's no guarantee no matter what.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Sex tourism and friends.

Today while talking with a friend I felt really saddened and a little put off by men in general. It's weird because I hear a lot of stuff through the blogs here. I've probably heard it all but today hearing this stuff from a good friend of mine put a fairly different spin on things for me.

I've talked about him before he's the guy I've always sort of confided in over lunch. He heard me whine through the period of the apartment search.

Today he told me all about his trip to Budapest. He went with 6 friends, all men and as it turns out... I had no idea... Budapest is a rather popular destination for sex tourism. He started out by telling me that he had to tell all his friends that he was going to Munich because when he told people Budapest they would all do a "nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more" scene.

He said he'd go back in a heartbeat, that he loved it, beautiful city. And then went to say how all his friends wanted to get off... find some prostitutes and have a go. So one of them bought a porn mag in a newspaper stand where there were supposed to be phone numbers and they called one. My friend, the only one who spoke a few words of English called the number and made an appointment at what turned out to be a massage parlor where they were supposed to offer happy endings.

He told this story laughing. I watched in amazement as he told me this story. I couldn't quite believe he was telling me this. I won't tell anyone else. I'm not that dumb. It would get around fast and right back to his wife with any bad luck.

Anyhow the lot of them went to the massage parlor and they imagined more than just happy ending massages. The front desk explained, hands only, no mouth, no sex... just hands and only massage.

They were all disappointed (no happy ending) except one who came out smiling and they paid a lot of money.

This friend of mine ironically has his own business. He owns a day spa, you can get massages, manicures, pedicures etc. and he says it would cost less to get one at his place, no happy ending of course.

The whole story had me disappointed in men. I found it rather nasty and off putting to be honest. These guys had even looked into paying professionals for sex, but when they got wind of prices he said they were much too high, somewhere around 300 euros. 300 euros doesn't sound like a lot to me.
I told him as much and he said "are you kidding? Here, just down from where I live they're practically giving it away." And that put me off even more. As he told me this, he was very clear that he didn't inquire himself, he put it "the prices I hear going around...".

The price thing especially bothers me because I know that 90% of the girls here are imported on false pretense and they have a whole organization who takes most of the money they earn.

But over and above that whole sad reality, the fact that a group of 6 men, one of which is a friend of mine, went specifically to another country to take part in sex tourism just makes me shudder. I knew it happened, I knew, but I didn't think it was that common. It makes me think that other friends, including the bf do it. I have one friend, who travels often, even with the bf, and always chooses countries (Poland, Holland: Amsterdam, Romania etc...) that are famous for their sex tourism claiming they are cheaper to visit (true) and less tourists go there (also true).

Fact is, if I had to choose between the bf falling in love with another woman and cheating on me that way, or him going and having sex with a prostitute, I'd likely be more upset about the prostitute. Especially if I put it onto equal ground saying unprotected sex in both cases (bf refuses to wear condoms).

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Another piece of the puzzle.

Last night after a lengthy discussion and argument with the bf I finally figured out one more piece to why we just don't get each other.

The bf has always been angry at me because I often get annoyed when he asks me to help him with his English. He occasionally used to ask me to give him a lesson. *This story actually has a lot of background and has been an issue between us for YEARS and there's more to it than just this but this is what seems to be an important piece of the puzzle* When we were living together, on my weekends or after work he would come up to me and ask me if I would teach him. Fact is that I've always tried to explain to him that it wasn't the right moment. It was never the right moment though. And he resented that a lot.

Last night we figured out why, I figured out why. I kept telling him that if he wanted to learn English with me that I'd be glad to do it but that he had to make it a constant date and time like other students so that I can work around it. He couldn't understand why I had to do that. He doesn't want to become one of my students. He wants it to be something I just do for fun with him yet at the same time he wants a real English lesson structured like a course.

He couldn't get his head around why it had to be by appointment, why I had to compartmentalise like this. He doesn't see how it's work for me.

Fact is that I compartmentalise EVERYTHING. If I'm in the mindset to draw or paint, then I can't switch over and teach or vice versa. If I know on any given day that I have lessons until 4:00 and then I'm free, you've got to bet your best dollar that I've already decided what I'll be doing after 4:00 on the creative front or even just relaxing in front of the computer. But once I've decided you can't make me do something different unless you want to see a really grumpy version of me.

And that's what he was doing. He was asking me, after a day of working or even on a free day when I had things in my mind planned out, to teach him English and I was constantly saying no.

The bf doesn't compartmentalise like that. He is good to do anything anytime, he mixes all his topics together and it doesn't matter if his plans get interrupted and he has to do something else. If I ask him to do something with me he never bats an eye he just gets up and says lets go.

I guess it's good to know. Maybe this will help the relationship out a bit better.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Oral Contraceptive Hell Story.

I have a bit of a delicate body, what I put into it immediately has effects on me, whether it be food or medicine or drugs. It's no different for aspirin or a piece of bread. I feel the effects of everything that goes into my body. Some of them are good, but a good chunk of them are bad. Especially medicine.

It is only recently that I've been able to understand that all the effects I've been feeling are linked to what I put into my body and therefore I'm much more careful with what I eat and what medications I take. And I connect the dots now. I can link the effects back to culprit.

Once upon a time though I didn't know all of this, I was too young. My first clue should have been when I went on the pill at the age of 15.

I had met my first boyfriend and I told my mother quite honestly that I wanted to stay the night at his house. She agreed under the condition that I go on the pill. We went to the clinic together and I got my first pack. They warned me that the side effects might do this and that. I started the pack the next opportunity and the side effects were devastating. I threw up numerous times the night I took the pill.

I read the instructions and it mentioned that the side-effects would wear off in a week or three, I kept with it, throwing up every day for over a week. I went back to the clinic and the Gyn said that the effects could take up to three months to wear off and to keep at it. She gave me B12 vitamins and Gravol to counteract the nausea,.... Gravol every single evening. No REM sleep just blackness (Gravol for those who don't know is an anti nausea medication that basically puts you to sleep but it's medicated sleep).

It didn't stop. I woke up groggy, had to run for the bus in the morning and often had to get off the bus to throw up. Consequences: late for school, looking gaunt (I've always been very thin), looking plain ill after a while, throwing up at school, people thinking I'm anorexic (that's not new)... teachers acting concerned... the list goes on.

I went back after three months and they gave me a new brand, different estrogen, another three months.

I threw up every morning for over a year. Each three months they gave me a new brand to try.

I've tried, off and on, to find a new brand, something that doesn't make me sick but everything has failed. I even tried a patch, it made me sick.... a fucking patch.

I was contemplating an IUD at one point too, but when I found out they release hormones I got terrified. What if I get one in and it's got the wrong hormone? Can't even think about it.

One day though, when I was back home to North A. for a visit I thought I'd try at a clinic, just one more time. I told the woman my story and she thought about it and said, "give this one a try, take one, only one, if it bothers you don't take any more."

I tried it and it worked. It was Norethisterone, a mini-pill with only a synthetic estrogen. I was ecstatic. I came back to the bf and told him. I'd brought three months worth back with me and I begged him to cum inside me. He wouldn't. He refused. He was paranoid.

When my supply ran out I went to my Gyn here and asked her to refill my prescription she told me that this particular pill wasn't available here. She said it was available only for menopause hormone treatment in much higher doses.

Once every couple of years I go to the pharmacy and ask if it has come out as a mini-pill, but it hasn't to date (I got it back home about 14 years ago).

Moral of the story... or at least conclusion is that Bf hasn't ever cum inside me... except my mouth. I haven't had a man cum inside me since I was a teenager with a jerk of a boyfriend who went on to marry my best friend and mentally and physically abuse her.

That is not what I want to remember as the last person to cum inside me.