Thursday, January 30, 2014

Odd walk.

This week has been insanely busy. And it's going to continue to be insanely busy until I drop from exhaustion on Friday evening.

I worked two 10 hour days, Monday and Tuesday and I worked a normal day yesterday with an addition of translating and extra layout work I'm doing for a friend.

Things are normal otherwise. I've been looking for furniture. I found a bed! I'm excited about that cause I got it for a bargain. It's Ikea, who cares, I'm gonna paint it, but it was only 60 bucks.

What I really wanted to write about was that something odd happened last weekend.
It was sunny over the weekend. I can't remember what day now, but bf was having a nap so I decided to go out for a walk. My real plan was to go by the new apartment to see whether the sun would hit the living room window. I got down near the new place and I see this figure coming towards me from across the street. It was one of my students.

I've mentioned him recently. He's in his 20s and he's a lifeguard in the summer. He's cute, but not my type at all. Last I talked to him was on fb where he was really pushing for me to go to the pool with him and a friend of his. He was insisting for what had to be 10 minutes. The time previous to that he was asking me to come with him to another town to see an art exhibit.

Back to the story. So he comes across the street to say hi and we end up walking together. We walked around the nearby park, what had to be about an hour's walk. Yep... the whole time. We talked about this and that, mostly about his new job in an office, but also about art and other random stuff.

It was a little awkward, but it wasn't too bad. I'm not even sure I should say it was awkward, it was more odd than anything. I didn't get any pushy flirty vibes from him. It was just two people talking. I got the vibe that the last conversation about the pool was somewhat uncomfortable, but it never came up in conversation except him saying that he was going to the pool that afternoon. He certainly didn't ask me to come along, though perhaps that was due to the fact that I had a lesson (which reminds that it was Saturday).

So yeah odd weekend.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

A Promise of Pictures.

I've had a few people over the last while point out that I don't post pics anymore. It's true. I haven't posted any in ages. More or less since HNT stopped. Not because I don't want to, but because I haven't had the time or the energy to do it. It takes alone time, which I don't have a lot of, and it takes a certain mood that I've sorta been lacking recently. HNT was also sort of a push for me, it was a "date" so to speak.

Sooo, I got this goofy christmas present from a best friend back home. She warned me it was a "sexy gift". It's cute but I never thought I'd actually like it. I admit though that once I tried it, I really liked it. It fits me well (which is rare, these things are usually too big on me) which was a bonus and well, I decided to take some pics.

So here's the deal. I've taken some pictures, lots, from different angles. One from my computer and the other from my phone, at the same time. They're coupled or trippled up. So it's a photo shoot of me doing a photo shoot. Some of the pictures are obviously similar because they were taken at the same time with two different cameras. I think they came out relatively well, so I'll post a set on occasion. I don't want to say one a week because I'll never manage that, but I'll try to be a good girl and get them up semi-regularly.

So here's the first set. Have fun!

^click me up^

Oh and well, yeah, taking pics of myself in smutty clothes always gets me wet.... I got myself off after this... more than once.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Fuck people.

I've had an intense couple of days and I'm probably really a bit on edge which amplifies things too, but seriously I've had enough of people lately.

I got the apartment, I'm happy. I'm excited and all people can do is say "what if" and "why" and "bad idea"... The worst was yesterday though. I went to a party, a friend of mine's b-day party. I knew 90% of the people there, and it wasn't a huge group but everyone knows what's going on.

I have this neighbour who was there with his gf, I've mentioned him before, and I'm only saying this because I want to pinpoint that he was one of the most supportive people during this process, he was also the first to know what I was planning on doing.

His gf approached me and the subject of moving. She said I was making a big mistake, that the apartment I got was in the worst location possible, and that I'd really regret moving out of where I am and that the whole problem is the bf and if he got (the fuck) out from under my feet I'd be better off where I am. The work space is not what I need, and anyhow "How much do you sell?? How much do you plan on selling your art??".

That! That last phrase has me pissed off. Sure I responded with ease in the moment, I said that selling isn't the point. the point is producing, making, getting the ideas out of my f-ing brain.

WTF though? Seriously. The whole point of me moving out was to get THAT space, to be able to make things without sound bothering my f-ing OCD neighbour who can't deal with people wearing runners when they're home because it makes noise.

The two of them ganged up on me, they said that if we had a referendum right then at the party and voted on who thinks I made a good choice everyone would say no. I found it really unfair.

She even came up to me after and asked if I was angry. I assured her I wasn't, and that was the truth in that moment, I'd had a couple glasses of wine, I was happy yesterday. I even thought that having them come up with the negative side I'd be more convinced of my choices, which I still feel relatively sure about.... but today, after some more unhappy comments from the bf I feel like everything is against me.

Frustrated and angry.
That is all.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Getting Organized.

I went back to see the apartment today. It's still under renovation, which is kinda nice because I get to choose certain aspects of the apartment for myself. The downstairs won't have the chimney they'd promised me, so heating is going to be a little more finicky than I thought, but I'm sure I'll manage something. The nice thing is that they've really isolated the basement well. They isolated the flooring, basically a waterproofing (since the city I live in is built on water and we're sinking). And they've insulated the walls, so there's the brick of the original building, then some space, then styrofoam sheeting and then the gypsum board drywall. So yeah they did a pretty good job. I'm fairly happy with it. I'm hoping that this will really help with the dampness that's such a problem in this city.

I get to choose the lighting in the apartment, where to put plugs and such. The owner wants to put in neon lights, and I'm trying to figure out if I want that or not. I can always have floor lighting, but an overhead light is always useful, and I'm not sure I like neon.... I've never lived with neon lights before.

Another nice thing is that the owner is putting in air conditioning that I wasn't expecting, the agency said that there was the possibility to put it in if I wanted to do it, but that would have cost me a fair amount of cash. It's nice that he's putting it in, it means it'll be warmer and dryer in the winter, and cooler and dryer in the summer... win! oh and yeah, for the price I'm paying that's awesome.

So things are on the up and up. I'm kinda in a frustrated space with the bf, but it's nothing unusual. He's just getting on my nerves for singing constantly in the mornings. I can't wait to wake up to silence.

He's nervous I'm sure. He came home reeking of cigarettes yesterday and was even reluctant to give me a kiss... he's always pulling me in for kisses, so yeah, that caught my attention. I didn't say anything about it, I understand it's a stressful time for him.

I had horrible nightmares night before last, and last night he was whimpering in his sleep... I guess we're both on edge.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


I'm sure most of you don't know that I've never been entirely fond of my breasts. I've always had issues with them, since I was in my teens.

When I was pre-teen, I was probably one of the first girls in my class to develop hers which made me semi popular with the boys. Shortly after that I got my period, and I think I was a first there too.

After that they kinda just stayed small and I was envious of those who had larger breasts. I fantasized about them, I remember even as a kid getting off on the thought of large breasts.

Then there was the fact that I had an innie and an outie. One nipple is perfectly pert and stands out straight, the other is shy and hides. I have to coax it out sometimes. When it's cold, on occasion, it comes out on its own.  It has always bothered me to an extent. I feel kinda unbalanced this way.

All in all though I've come to terms with my breasts. I have come to accept them for what they are. I don't fantasize about having larger ones as much anymore. I know there are a lot of men who like smaller breasts and it seems like even the more erotic porn keeps to smaller breasted women.

So yeah. That's my tits for ya.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Turn my Brain off Please.

My brain, which I can't always control, has been obsessing over the apartment ever since they accepted my proposal. 

I got some great news Friday afternoon too. They quoted my too high on the rent so it's going to be 460 instead of 500 a month. That means I'll cover the condo fees and still be under 500 a month. 

I'm antsy though and it's annoying. I hate being antsy. There are so many things I want to get started and so many things I want to do but can't because I don't have the keys to the place yet. I want to start packing and dismantling things here. I just want things to go faster. I know. I know. Things will rush along when they finally get moving, I'll probably wish I had more time. But I both feel like there isn't a lot of time to do things, I mean March isn't far off, and that things aren't moving fast enough. 

I barely know where I should start too.
I keep looking at my large bookcase and thinking where I'm going to put all the books I have. Mind you there are a lot of useless books/CDs/DVDs that the bf accumulated too. 

I have to figure out what I want to do with the furniture that is here but I feel like I can't make that decision until I really get a feel for the other apt and what will fit and what won't. Bf wants to sell stuff on the net and wants to know what I'm taking and what I'm leaving but I have no idea what I want to keep.

I have so many ideas for new furniture that I want to try to make or remodel on my own, but I need the time to do that and I don't really have the time or space in this place to start doing that. I kinda want everything ready by the time I move in but it won't be.

I've been spending way too much time looking at that room decorating software and youtube videos on how to redecorate spaces. I've been getting ideas and trying to make solid decisions on what types of spaces I want to create for myself. I just feel like I need to let my creativity go, but at the same time I'm having a hard time deciding what I like... ok that's not quite what I mean. I mean that I like a million things and I'm having a hard time narrowing down what I'd like to do in my place. There are so many options and so many cool ideas, how do people choose one?? How do they decide? 

Apart from the room creating feature of that software there's a mood board software which is cool. I'd never really used mood boards before but I found that it's actually pretty useful to figure out what colours and textures and details you can put together. A bit like creating a palette to work from. It helps me figure out what I like and what I want in a space.

This isn't mine but I do like the style and I'm thinking of using a similar style in the bedroom. I love the distressed old painted wood look, and it's really easy to achieve. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

It's done.

I've done it.
I got the place.
The 15th of March I get the keys, (though that date may change).


I said yes to the apartment today.
It doesn't mean much mind you. It just means that I've made some requests and the owner needs to come back with some answers. Then if all goes well I write up an official offer which will likely get accepted. I just hope things go as planned....... not like last time. 

I spent most of the day on some online interior design software to work out the layout of the two main rooms. I had to divide the space of the basement room so that I have a workspace as well as art space. I quite like the layout but it's certainly not definitive. 
The upstairs is a little more straightforward with some art space up there because there's more light for painting and stuff. I'll be able to do the nitty gritty dirty stuff downstairs. 

(Pic removed) 
Downstairs with a sofa-bed separated by shelving and a workbench on the other side. That's a small window above the workbench. (It's a basement.)

(Pic removed) 
Upstairs with table for lessons and guests for dinner and a drawing table under the window.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Puppy Love

I had a student a while back. He was trying to pass an exam, as many of my students are. He asked for my friendship on fb and I accepted.
I was trying to figure out how old he is, all I can say is that he's done a year and a half of uni and another year of working.... I think that would make him 21 or 22 maybe 23 at the most right?

He's asked me out twice now.

It started when I was back to North America this summer. I thought nothing of it at the time. He texted me on WhatsApp at a perfectly normal time of North American day, the text said "Hey, how's it going? I'm actually outside your house". When I checked the local time on it, he was texting me at 2am. Had I been home, I'd have been furious. When I later asked why he'd texted me so late, he said that he was visiting a girl who he'd met on Badoo who lived in my building. As I said above, I didn't think anything of it. I imagined he was drunk at the time.

Two or three weeks ago I got an IM from him on Fb asking if I liked art shows. I obviously answered yes, expecting him to suggest I go see one that he'd seen or something. Instead he asked if I wanted to go with him to see an art show in a city about 2 hours from here. I was shocked and didn't know what to respond. I luckily had tentative plans with friends so I declined with that excuse but I thought it was rather odd.

Today I happened to comment on a photograph he'd put up on Fb, I was honestly hoping he'd just answer my question and leave it at that. I wanted to know where he'd bought some peanut butter as I can't find any good brands here. I got my answer but then I got private IM from him asking me various questions including if I wanted to go the pool with him and his friend tomorrow. This time I had no excuses, I couldn't think of anything half decent, it's a holiday here tomorrow. I ended up declining, simply saying I didn't think my bf would approve. He answered that it was all very innocent that they were "good guys" and that quite possibly his girlfriend wouldn't approve either.

I'm flattered, really I am, but I'm more than 10 years older than him.... wtf?! Buddy... seriously?


In other news I think I'm going to take the apartment. I may have found a solution to the missing room I need, the only thing that's missing now is an outdoor space. I'll miss my terrace terribly. I will. I love my terrace in the sun here.

I've been really trying to figure it out. I've been thinking about it constantly, and I just can't wait to get a space where I can work. It's the thing that I look forward to the most. A place where I don't have to keep pulling things out and putting them away again every time I want to work.