Friday, November 26, 2010

Possibly the best orgasm ever...



Got some sex last night. It was really good sex with bf. He made me yell last night... I'm pretty sure my neighbour heard. I was damn loud.

Foreplay was bf going down on me. He stripped me naked in 2 seconds and went down. I had just had a shower and shaved. He went down and got me close to climax. I'm thinking that he probably thought I reached orgasm at that point, but I didn't. I was happily moaning.

The position he found was perfect. Me on my back, him on his side, our legs intertwined. It gave me a great vantage point to stimulate my clit, and he had one hand free (he was up on one elbow) to probe and grope and feel.

I think my orgasm in that position lasted about 2 or 3 minutes, it felt like an eternity. I just didn't stop stimulating the clit. It was one of those orgasms that felt like it was at it's maximum... it wasn't ending... then BANG! the final fucking amazing climax that takes you over the edge. What did it? my constant stimulation of the clit and then bf plunging his two middle fingers into my mouth. For the very first time in my love life with bf I yelled "Oooooh SHIT". I never speak in English during sex, I try to speak in Italian, or often I don't speak at all.

The rest of the sex... didn't last very long. Bf was so close to climax himself, but he did try to get me to cum a second time. I imagine he thinks he got me off 3 times. He flipped me on top of him. He probed my b-side, fingers in my mouth again, and spanking... that would normally get me off fast. But I was pretty spent. He got me close again though, but I couldn't manage another orgasm.

When he started pulling out because he was close, I went down on him, licked him up and down, looked him in the eye and he came all over my mouth and chin...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

HNT side A and B



Happy HNT people... and Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with them :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


So I had this dream this morning. It was pretty strange.

This one started with me asking a friend if she'd ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. And then when I pop the DVD in the player I get catapulted onto the so-called set.

It's this MASSIVE place, something like an indoor theme park, just for, or mostly for, orgies and sex. I wander the rooms one by one and see people in dark rooms fucking. It's difficult for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the rooms compared to the relative brightness in the hallways. But it's pretty easy to define what people are doing. I basically just poked my nose around in the dream. I didn't actually do anything for most of it. I think I was kind of put off by some of it to be honest. My reactions were pretty balanced. If I ever got thrown into a similar situation, I doubt much of it would turn me on. I'd have to go there with the knowledge of where I was going and what I'd be doing.

I remember certain scenes had a slight effect on me, turning me on temporarily but the sensation disappeared pretty quickly. It reminds me somewhat of "Eyes wide shut" and the grotesque feeling of those scenes.

There was one horrifying scene, towards the beginning of the dream, of a room with a man and a woman and another figure, There was a bunk bed, and the woman was on the bottom bunk with the third figure, the man was hanging from the top bunk, his cock forced into the mouth of the third figure, face fucking the figure. I couldn't see what was going on well enough. But then there was a scene cut and the next thing I saw was a child, with the same shirt as the third figure, curled up on the floor, while the man was having sex with the woman on the bed.

The dream continued until I was in a room full of people, just sitting socialising, nothing crazy going on, just a lot of flirting, well dressed women and men in the room. That's when I woke up and thought, I must be crazy! I should get naked and have some fun... so I went back to a waking sleep and got naked, in the dream. I spread on a bed and started masturbating. Men started to notice and one by one four men came over. The first went down on me, the second and third licking and sucking my nipples, and the fourth with his cock in my mouth.

I slipped my hands inside my pjs and quietly got myself off.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Back to regular transmission

I was hoping to write more this week since I'm kinda home from work but I've got a huge translating job to do and therefore I've been concentrating my energy on that. But I do have a couple posts lined up and hopefully an HNT... I have the pics I just have to post them!

I caught up briefly with Rob this morning. I've been trying to catch him on-line since I got back. I haven't been desperate to chat to him, but I did want to clear a few things up. I'm surprisingly pretty light-hearted about the whole situation. I honestly have moved along fine. I suspect that my "emotional breakdown" wasn't completely connected to him bailing on me. Or maybe I am subconsciously relieved that he bailed on me. In any case today I simply asked him to eventually (not today) decide if he wanted to go through with fucking me, and that if he didn't that was ok too. I just need to know if he thinks he can go through with it.

He logged off Skype pretty quickly and I'm now trying to concentrate on my translation again. After catching him on-line it isn't easy to concentrate. Just cause I have a million doubts running through my mind around him.

I got slapped on the ass again Friday morning, this time one of my colleagues was present. I was super horny after that for the whole day... I wanted to jump him.

I was pretty jealous all last week because we had a temp working with us, she was tall, blond, thin, blue eyes... yeah she kinda reminded me of me. And Co-worker boy flirted with her a bit.
Thursday I wore a mini skirt over leggings to work, and he caught me bent over at one point. He came in the door from behind me and I shifted my head to see him from beside my legs and I stuck out my tongue at him. He just said "I like it" and left... I don't think he was talking about my tongue.

I've also gotten into the habit of texting him a little about just anything. He's usually super cryptic when he answers, but I did get a couple of full sentence texts back and was happy about that even if it was nothing of note.

One thing I do think about on occasion though is if something ever did happen between us, it would be a mess. I mean it wouldn't be a problem on my side... in that I've somehow committed myself to the idea of cheating on bf at some point with someone. But I don't know if I could live with the guilt of tempting Co-worker into cheating on his gf. I like her, she doesn't deserve it.

I haven't been on Skype or Chatroulette at all since I've been back from London, so that's over a month (including while I was there) of abstinence of online sex. I'm not sure why, I'm guessing it's the season and lack of time or energy. Once spring rolls round I'll probably be back on again.

All in all, everything is good. I'm fine with bf, I'm fine with Rob, I'm fine... perhaps extra-fine with Co-worker... so all's good.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Back on Track

I'm back in the thick of things, and I've only been back for 2 days. Re-entry was traumatic to say the least. I got in later than I was supposed to (or I thought I would) bf was frustrated with me because I told him the wrong arrival time. He told me in the car that my boss' father had died Sunday (the day before). He was a man that was always in the studio where I worked. I was devastated. Not only was an amazing person gone (age 90), but it was going to take a toll on my already stressed boss. My hours this week just doubled because of this too.


I started texting Rob on Sunday saying that I was sad to be leaving London especially without having seen him. He simply answered "Sorry for wasting your time".
I promptly answered that he hadn't wasted my time that I just needed to know whether this relationship was going to continue or not. When I didn't get a response by the time I got home, I wrote him an email.
Fact was, I was contemplating just waiting to see what he'd do if I didn't write him. But I couldn't just leave it. I needed some sort of resolution.

The email explained very simply that I'd known him for 9 years, that I considered him a good friend, and that I wanted to keep him a good friend, I said that I wasn't ready to give that up, but if he wanted to I needed to know so that I could come to terms with his decision.

He answered the same day. It was an email that almost made me cry, I might have cried had I not been at work when I read it. I got teary and had to answer quickly but I came home and read it again.

The basic gist of it is that he "wants to stay friends and he never wants that to change". He panicked about seeing me and his "cock was making the decisions for him and he shouldn't have said he was up for it".
He feels bad for wasting my time and money. (he didn't waste my time or money... although it might have been easier for me to make a decision had he told me earlier)
He doesn't answer my texts sometimes because he's busy or can't (and I already knew that, I don't hold that against him... almost ever ;-)

What made me get teary was that he said: "I hate hearing that you are upset about things i have said or done(I read your blog) the last thing I want to do is make your life more difficult than it already is,if you want me to dissapear from your life I will do reluctantly."

I am so far away from that at the moment it's crazy. On the one hand I know that I'm getting myself into a stickier situation, that my feelings are more and more likely to get hurt. But at this point, I'm going to try to separate the reality of this from the online factor. I don't want his presence to disappear. I want him "around". I don't really care if we meet up or not as long as I know he's there somehow, somewhere. When I need him he's there.


Things just get crazier with him. Right, so my boss' dad just died, and we're all in a bit of a funk at work, although no boss around means more relaxed workers. Co-worker boy gave me a huge hug when he saw me Monday, another one in the late afternoon Monday and another again today. I think these were pretty much the first real hugs we've given each other... the others were of the more distant sort. He said that I looked happier, that I looked prettier, there was something different in my eyes.

He told me that the next time I go to London I'll have to let him know so that we can get separate flights and meet up there...

I don't think I even reacted to that comment. But it should have made me stop in my tracks. I mean, is he serious? Meeting up there on separate flights??? WTF??


I have stopped answering his texts. Although he's insistent and texting me every day. I just don't want to deal with him anymore. He is an odd one. I told him bf's brother was in hospital for cancer (which wasn't totally a lie, it was just the timing was off ;) and he texts me every day, and not once did he ask how the therapy was going... I found that strange... maybe I'm just weird though.


My guy friends at the cafeteria where I work asked me if I got any sex while in London. I promptly said, "I get sex at home why would I look for it in London?"... but then I forgot what I was actually trying to say when they interrupted me, and so my gay friend said "AHA! so she was after sex, otherwise that wouldn't have distracted her so much!!"
He was spot on.... strange that they'd notice. But as we all know, no sex was had unfortunately.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The end of London

It’s my last night in London. I’ve had a good time, although it could have been better in some aspects. I could have met more people I think.
I spent the first three days with friends of my family who were on vacation here. They were staying in a mansion in the countryside outside of London. They cooked me food and took me hiking in the forests and hills, it was beautiful.
I then came into London on Thursday morning and spent the day getting lost on the Thames. I went to the Tate Britain instead of the Tate Modern. I’d already seen the Tate Britain. I walked until it felt like my legs were going to fall off.
I visited another friend for dinner, and then yesterday I went to the science museum and the Tate Modern… finally. I saw paintings by the likes of Mirò, Picasso, Dalì, Magritte, Matisse, Alexander Calder (mobiles), De Chirico and so many more that I can’t remember the names. I saw an amazing installation of Sunflower Seeds, and when I say amazing… I mean AMAZING…. Incredible…. Insane almost.
I spent the night at a friend’s house and then back out into the world this morning to the Saatchi gallery, where there were some pretty impressive works. My favourite, or the one that has the most lasting impression on me was a piece with minute… I mean insect sized, skeletons riding insects. Totally intense. I can’t get over the work that went into constructing each little skeleton with insect parts or bits of plants…. Man…
I spent the afternoon today wandering, getting groceries, and just basically spending time on my own.

I did meet two guys Friday night. They were staying in the same dorm room as me. One was from Alaska, and the other was from Britain somewhere. The brit guy was 16... But he bought us beer! Ha! The other was a talkative cute guy in his late 20s I’d say, who might have flirted more had the 16 year old not been there. I should have asked him to come to the science museum with me. But I didn’t think of it in time. He would have come too… And I would have asked. He was funny. We did spend Friday night drinking beer and just chatting about random things.

All in all I can’t say that I preferred it over seeing Rob… but I did enjoy myself. I really appreciated the time on my own. I dread going back to work Monday. I have long days ahead and this wasn’t really a break. But anyhow it was a mental break from the bf and the small town I live in.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


So here I am. I have been busy, but I'm fine... yes I'm fine. I got over all of this fairly quickly.

The day I left home to go to the airport I texted Rob asking if he was still talking to me. He said "yeah, I just needed some time to look at myself".

I was relieved to say the least.

I sent him another text message tonight to give him the brit mobile number that I purchased, and to tell him I was on skype. He won't come. It is also relatively late, it's 1am. I'll be surprised if I get an answer from him at all.

I think though that I have mourned enough for this "friendship". I'll let it be, let it go where it will. I just don't want to get hurt again. I need to set rules if it is destined to continue. Setting rules like: don't ask me when we're going to fuck. Don't tell me that you want to fuck me in real life. It's not going to happen.

I'm perfectly happy with the relationship online as is at this point. I am still convinced that I don't want to give him up. But if that's what has to happen, I'll deal with it when it comes. I don't think I'll be doing the mourning I did this last time. I have come to terms with the whole situation I'd say.

Thanks for the words of support... and the kind emails from those few who helped lend an open ear and heart.