Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Want to Make me Cum?

Start with the mind and work your way down from there. Start within the mind, teasing, writing, speaking, hinting. You can tell me what you want and tell me what I want. Whisper obscenities in my ears give me orders I can obey or put words into my mouth.

Then the eyes: looks, glances... look away and then look back, look me up and down, watch me from a distance. Have me perform for you or you could perform for me. The eyes are essential. Watch me watch you but I especially enjoy watching you watch me.

The mouth is next. Smiles, closed ones, open ones showing teeth, a little tongue, bite your lip, then bite mine kissing and licking. It can be rough or sweet... either way works. It puts the rest of the body in motion. You can move down from there, biting the neck, sucking, licking, nipples, fingers... Make me suck yours. Use my mouth, don't be nice all the time. Contrast, that's what makes it interesting. Yin and Yang. You know... all rolled into one. Sharp biting with soft licking. Rough with sweet.

Start with the mind but never leave it. Keep it active. Keep talking, keep teasing, keep whispering, especially whispering.

Continue down, work your way down but don't move from one to the next, keep everything engaged as best you can. Don't forget the eyes, the smiles, the biting.

Hands next. Hands moving everywhere. Down especially, but up too. Up to the head, to the hair, to the neck. Squeeze, pull, push, slap even, spank. Further, deeper, faster. You've got two hands they can do more than one thing at a time, working in unison. Multitask.

I don't want control. I want to lose it completely to you.

Sex, your cock, well that's the last of it. That's the last step. Everything up to that is gold. Sex is not the main event. It's an integral part of the rest, everything that goes on before determines how good the sex will be. Your cock is a tool, just like the rest of you. Use it well and you'll get your prize.

You want to make me cum? You have to start with the mind.

Friday, December 26, 2014

It was nice.

Christmas away with the bf was nice. Not as special as I'd hoped but it was nice. We ended up meeting a man who was from the same village in the south as the bf. It was a total fluke and a very bizarre coincidence. Their sisters even work together.

We got invited to their house for Christmas lunch, the main Christmas meal here. They have two kids so it was kinda nice to spend time with a family. It was somewhat awkward at times though, turns out he used to be an alcoholic and he didn't go so far as to say it but it became clear at one point.

Instead it was awkward for us because they started to quiz us about why we didn't have kids or get married. I never spoke, the bf answered their inquiries. I didn't have the guts to speak up. I'm such a fucking wimp. His answer was that we never felt the necessity to have kids or get married. Specifically he said it was mostly about the fact that he thinks marriage is all a money making industry for the church and that it really doesn't make any difference.

As for kids he said that we prefer to travel and be free than have kids.

Partially true. Truer for him probably. But still it would have been nicer for him to ask me. 
I am coming to realize I'm a walking contradiction. I wish I weren't sometimes. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Christmas Spirit

Christmas as an expat kinda sucks. No, scratch that, it really sucks. My bf has family, he has a lot of it. He's got two brothers with kids who live fairly close to us and then there's his mom and sister who live too far away to see often.
Years ago we'd spend the holidays with his brothers and kids, when the kids were little. It was nice, we would spoil the kids getting them gifts. Now that the kids are older and the families have become messed up we don't spend the holidays with them anymore. It's been years since we did.

I used to set up a tree, decorate it, and run around buying gifts to put under it. I'd even have stockings which aren't a tradition here. I'd fill the stocking for everyone, even for myself, like I imagine my mom would do when I was little.
I used to love Christmas, the smell of the tree especially. I loved to wake up to the smell of a real pine tree and mandarin oranges. My mother would use mandarins at the bottom of each stocking. I'd eat it while opening gifts.

We'd take turns opening presents. We'd go around the room and watch and comment on other family member's gifts. It's not exactly the same here everyone just grabs and opens their gifts. But it was nice nonetheless. Now I'd much rather be away for Christmas. I'd rather be out of the country if I can.

My parents were so good at making Christmas magical for me. I would leave out milk and cookies for Santa and my mother would leave small gifts under the tree for me from him. She'd write little tags, they had a silly printed hand written SANTA on them. One year they told me to leave a carrot out for the reindeer. The next morning I found bite marks like a deer had taken a bite. Still not sure how she managed that one.

The last Christmas I had with my dad I was probably 19 or so. I said I'd leave something for Santa. It was tradition after all. We were out of milk so I filled a glass with water and then spiked it with Vodka or some transparent alcohol, I left cookies and I still remember the look on my dad's face the next morning. He thought it was funny.

This year the bf and I are going to a spa-hotel for three nights. It would have been my first Christmas here in my new apartment. It would have been rather quiet, possibly depressing depending on my mood and how nostalgic I'm feeling. I'm looking forward to getting away and having the opportunity to have a nice Christmas dinner with the bf. There won't be any gift opening I'm sure, but it'll be nice.

I just miss having family to celebrate with. All our friends go away or spend Christmas with their families. It's not like New Year's Eve where we often spend it with a big group of friends. Christmas is just better with family to share it with.

Saturday, December 20, 2014


There's something to say about good old phone sex. I remember having phone sex when I was a teenager with my first boyfriends. It was a naughty thing to do without actually having sex. 

There would be him asking me to do various things, shy, I'm sure, afraid to ask certain things. 'Taste yourself', 'lick your finger and put it...' Me on the other end performing, obeying orders, groaning quietly into the phone. There would be silences while we worked to get ourselves off and then there'd be questions 'how close are you?' 'Are you going to cum?' 'How many fingers are you using?' 'How wet are you?'

The human voice can convey so much. It's really incredible. I've heard it can even transmit information about certain hormones or pheromones. It would explain why any woman could reach orgasm just to hear Benedict Cumberbatch's voice. 

Skype is no different really with the added plus of the video. I guess for a guy those are probably more important even than the voice, but for me it's the voice that really gets me. 

For me it's the right words will bring me to my knees, doubled over in ecstasy. 

They could be sweet or smutty, calling me a little slut or telling me how beautiful I look, telling me what you'll do to me, or just saying 'fuck that's hot, work your pussy for me'. Orders are welcome but I especially want to hear what I do to you, what seeing/hearing me makes you feel and want. It's the ones you're most afraid of that will be whispered and the ones that will get me closer to my goal. 

I want to hear what you'd use the various parts of my body for, how you'd fill me with your cum, how you'd take advantage of all my holes. 

Whispers feel like they get inside my head, it's like you're inside me fucking me from the inside out. 

I'll take a good mind fuck any day. 

Monday, December 15, 2014


I've gone through most of my life rather indecisive about the topic of having children. When I was a teenager I met a palm reader who looked at my hands and said I'd have three kids. I scoffed and later, with my friends said I'd have at most two. I'd never have three.

With the bf, the topic of children came up often since his nieces were always begging us to have kids. We would joke about the fact that we already had one, our parrot was our kid. We even told his nieces that I gave birth to the parrot and I was only capable of having more parrots. The middle niece grew up with the notion that our parrot was in fact our child. When he died just a year ago she was upset about it. He'd been with us for 15 years so it was sad for all of us.

The bf has never brought up the topic of children with me. I have, in the past, brought it up with him, asking if he wanted kids. The outcome was traumatic, so much so that I wrote about it. Mind you I can't find the original post it so maybe I didn't. 
To sum it up when I asked the bf whether he wanted kids his answer was "no because if it were a girl it would be like you".
I ended up in counseling for that comment.

Years later, sometime in the last two years, we talked about it again, I told him about his comment and he obviously didn't remember it but he said I must have misunderstood. It's possible, I really don't know. Bottom line was that he wasn't looking to have children within the next 5 years. I specified the 5 years because I decided that having a kid after 40 wasn't going to be likely for me.

The whole family thing is probably part of my reason or separating from the bf. If I'd had a partner that was really keen on starting a family, I probably would have. Fact is my situation with the bf was a combination of things including a large part of his attitude towards me, his lack of openness about his love for me. I felt like an ornament rather than someone to have a family with. There was never talk about marriage or kids.

My biological clock is ticking so loudly these days that I have urges to bring it up again with him but as the logical thinker I am it would be a mistake. Having a kid with the bf would bind me to him in a way that I'm not sure makes sense right now. The strange thing in all of this, and this isn't the first time I've said this, but I'd much rather entertain the idea of having a child with Rob.
Impossible, yes but the fantasy turns me on more and more with my clock ticking the way it is.

So what are my options? Break up with the bf hoping to find someone, fall madly in love and build a meaningful relationship within the next two/three years and have a kid at the age of 40 (really, really unlikely). I could ask the bf again, and (granted that I convince him) have a kid with him even though I've made the decision to live separately from him, or I could just plain give up.

Sadly the last option seems like the only viable one and it pains me to admit it.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Cum Again?

I love waking up to thoughts of Rob. I've got mornings off these days and after a nasty cold I'm catching up on sleep in the mornings. I woke up late with heated thoughts of Rob, the best part was a text message from him saying hello as I was finishing up.

After I was out of bed and dressed, turned the heater back on (I leave it off at night), I got another text asking if I was working and then the request for something sexy and classy since I had the time.

I sent pictures to him on iMessage one by one, slowly, as I got myself off. I recorded three videos in all including one of me cumming and one of me saying how much I wanted his cock inside me.
Needless to say I have a new folder called Classy December on my computer.
 It turned me on so much I was still wet hours later. I couldn't concentrate on my afternoon lessons, I kept getting distracted.

Later Rob sent me a present, it was a very yummy video of him wanking over my pictures, looking at them one by one and commenting till he came.
 It got me hotter and wetter and needing another orgasm I was in the process of downloading it onto my computer when he texted me again asking if we could meet on skype.

That was the third orgasm of the day, short but oh so very sexy. God I love the sight of him.

So it was like Christmas today. Lots of presents, enjoying company of others, having fun, orgasms... the works.

I have to say that the more I get the more I want. I could cum again. I totally could.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Warrior in Red

Warrior me is still here.
Never went anywhere... she just got lost for a while but she might make a comeback.
She needs her war paint.
She needs to feel fire and determination. 
I need to feel stronger. Maybe she can help.
*click me*

Monday, December 8, 2014

When does a girl know that she likes being tied up?

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I can't remember what triggered my thoughts on this, I think it might have been a porn clip that was very rough with a final interview with the girl.

I have mentioned before that I started masturbating when I was little, I think I was 5 or so. I remember a slightly older child showing me how (not as bad as it sounds... I didn't see an inch of skin and she didn't touch me). From that age on I explored sexuality as a child, I delved into images and ideas that turned me on and some were odd of course, as a child sex is completely different. I barely knew where the penis went, but I did know that boys were involved.

I'm not entirely sure when it started or when I figured it out, but I would get myself into tight spots, wrapping my legs and thighs with tight things. I would quickly reach orgasm that way. I used this technique quite often for years, up until I was a pre-teen. Who am I kidding. I still use it lol.

I remember using my pjs, getting both my legs into one leg of my pjs like a long, very tight skirt. Not something I do anymore mind you lol, but I do use tight clothing, things that I can feel hinder movement, especially in my thighs. Tight skirts, tight shorts even.

Maybe it comes from knowing I shouldn't have been doing it and the constriction was me holding myself back from it... except it just turned me on more.

I would also do the opposite of constriction. I would force my legs apart even if I wanted them bound together. I would spread my legs as wide as I could and keep them there until I came. Another technique I still use on occasion. 

Wanting to be tied up is just a natural evolution of these fantasies. Hand tying is something that I haven't been able to explore and it's harder too. For one, I can't do it on my own. Secondly if I want to get off I need at least one hand free.
I've only had my hands tied up once and it didn't really count. I could have gotten out of it too easily. I was tied to a post on my bed. I think if I were to ask to be tied up I'd simply ask for my hands to be tied behind my back, I'd even try my arms being tied above my elbows. But to go along with that I'd love my legs to be tied at the ankles and just above the knees.

Then bent over the back of a couch kneeling and getting fucked from behind or laying on my back, legs pushed up over my head.... either way works for me.

It took me forever to find a decent photograph of the type of tying I'd like to try. This is the best image I could find and it still doesn't reflect exactly what I'd like. The arms should be tied just above the elbows, tightly together, just the arms, it forces the shoulders back and chest out. It looks good and I imagine it's rather uncomfortable.