Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I finally caught up with Rob yesterday morning. It was like being high. All I wanted to do was give him a huge hug.

I didn't get to see him. We just chatted on MSN, but he caught my post about "thinking of you" because he had texted it to me the other day. So he sent me a message on MSN (which I didn't get) saying that he was thinking about me in general, which made me smile to no end. We talked about all sorts of stuff. About how he was back on "justchat" and met an american girl who's "cute" as he put it. I would usually get jealous about this, but it didn't in the least bit phase me this time. Not sure why, maybe I was just too happy to hear from him. We spoke about my imminent trip to Asia this winter (a whole 2 months away from home!!). And we spoke a bit about how my bf is behaving around the organization of the trip.

On a side note. My Bf is not behaving badly at all. But he has put me in a slightly difficult situation. I will be seeing my father in Asia this winter, I have not seen him for 6 years or so. My sister was here recently so I have seen her a few times in the past 2 years (which is unusual) but she lives in Asia as well, in a place that we will be getting VERY close to. She works in a resort and offered us to stay there for less than half the price of what it would generally cost. It is a paradise, truly, honestly one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen as a resort. And Bf isn't sure that we can make it there due to time and money. Now I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to monopolize the trip and just do what I want. But seeing as she is my family and we are getting so close to her (less than an hour's flight) I think we should make the effort to go.

(picture of the resort where my sister works and lives)

So after a discussion about all of that Rob made a prediction. He said that we would break up by the end of the trip or get married. Not sure what to make of it. I didn't blink an eye. It didn't phase me. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing. In any case we'll see how things go.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

What does "I've been thinking about you" really mean?

I've been thinking.

When a girl tells a guy that she's been thinking about him, it generally means that she has been thinking about him in an abstract way about his face, his words, his actions. Him in general. She probably misses him in some way.

Is it the same for men, or do men say that they think about a woman when they've been thinking about how they'd like to fuck her? or how they'd like her to gag on his cock? or is it more of a general thing, like what women think?
Or will men say that they're thinking about a woman just to please her, to make her feel wanted so they get laid? When in fact he didn't think about her at all.

I wouldn't want to be too gullible and think that when a guy tells me he's been thinking about me that he's actually been thinking about ME as a person and me in general.
Or should I?
Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I should give into my romantic nature and believe that he's been thinking about how I am and what I'm doing and when we met... and so on and so on.

Don't get me wrong, I think about ravaging a man's body all the time. But I don't often tell a man that I've been thinking about him JUST when I've been thinking about sexual acts with him, unless I'm teasing him. I guess I put more of an emotional twist on the words. It's a bit like saying the dreaded "I love you". You only say it when you mean it (at least I do). I only say that I've been thinking about a person when I really mean it emotionally, when I miss them as a person.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Italian TV

I've been down and out with the flu this week. I have been laying in bed, blowing my nose and coughing a lung up for 4 days.
This morning I was up at 6:00am because I couldn't breathe. So I came out into the living room and turned the TV on. Italian TV is strange. They have the strangest re-runs on in the mornings here. The morning went something like this:

-Quincy M.E.:Good old manual CSI stuff haha it's great.
-Hunter: What to say except crazy hairdoos
-The A-Team: Oh yeah baby that's definitely something I wish I could get more of. Mr.T rocks.
-Starsky and Hutch: A show I never got to see when I was little, I'm a few years too young, but yes It's the height of 70s clothing and music.

What I didn't get this morning but I may get on another morning, is Night Rider (aka "SUPERCAR" as the Italians call it), Magnum P.I. It's so much better in Italian than in English. Has something to do with the dubbing. The jokes are actually funny, The Dukes of Hazzard Car chases and hot girls in hot pants ;)

I should to a whole post dedicated to Italian TV. It really is quite an interesting phenomenon.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Party time?

A few weeks ago I was invited to a friends house to have a "girls night" with makeovers, toe nail painting and manicures. Instead the three of us got completely trashed on white, red and rose wine, gin and limoncello. My new London girl friend here in my small town in Italy then decided to invite a man over. He was in the area texting her and so the devious deed was done.

He was an average man in his late 40s I'd say. Nothing exceptional, certainly not my type. But I find British men wonderful flirts and teases. They know how to push my buttons. They are open about teasing. Not like Italian men who try to be suave and gentlemen, British men try to be openly vulgar even, and that does get me going.

I have to admit that I don't remember much. There are pictures of me with the other two girls on a couch, and then another picture of me on the bed with one girl and the token man.

I remember that he kept going to the toilet, and I kept peeking in every time he did. I'm sure he caught on that I was trying to push his buttons. He kept calling me the devilish one, the naughty one.

We were never naked. But I can tell you one thing. It's extremely easy to get into serious trouble when that much alcohol has been consumed.

I wonder how badly he was hoping for something to happen. Three pretty girls, completely drunk rolling around on the couch or the bed... getting naked, calling him to join. Hmmm

I probably gave him the wrong impression too, I offered to walk him to catch a taxi. He's not from here so I feel protective of visitors, making sure they get home ok. I put him on a cab, but he kept looking at me as if he wanted to drag me into the cab.

I feel a slight bit bad. I must have led the guy on. I even remember putting my feet in his lap. "Unconsciously" rubbing them around.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

HNT let me in.

It's a snapshot of me on the couch. A quick one while bf is sleeping.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Update Shmupdate

Alright update time.

First of all I'd like to apologize to all my readers. I have been very slow at keeping my blog updated and interesting. I do however have a lot of things going on these days between family friends, a huge trip to plan in December and TONS of work.

I haven't been to see my sister in law yet. We are going this afternoon though so I'll have more info on that later today or tomorrow.

Work has been crazy recently. I haven't been to my usual work place with my cute co-worker so there's no news on that front. Although I will be seeing him again next week.

I can still feel the depression creeping under my skin, but I'm managing to keep it away as long as nothing serious happens. I hope this evening at the clinic doesn't trigger anything.

My sex life is good. Although bf has to do a sperm test to see how live his sperm is on friday so he can't have any sexual release until after then. 3 days of teasing muahahahahaha (evil grin and rubbing of hands).

I want to thank everyone who emailed me in concern and with help for my sister in law. I really have found an amazing outlet here and I promise I'll try harder to keep things up to date and interesting!

I will also try to be better at answering emails....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Ultimate Tease

Eat me, bite me, slap me, kiss me, fuck me, suck me, slip me, fix me.
Listen, wait, want, take.
Start again.
Taste me, smell me, breathe me, graze me, touch me, want me, seek me, hold me.
Slip, first in, then out, deep, slow, pulsing, throbbing.
Listen carefully, wait longer, want more, take harder.

The ultimate tease is knowing when to listen, when to wait, when to give.


I sit calmly, in the dark light of the long finished setting sun, pouring its lacking light through the patio windows opposite me.

There is a pitch that is taking over my mood, slowly but surely. I can feel it creeping like oil into my veins, through my nerves and into my organs. The same way a flower filters air and water, my system filters the darkness, feeding my soul that unwanted poison of obscurity.

§ § § § § § § § § § § §

There have been too many mentions of a gash that was left in me 5 years ago when my mother died. She was my only artistic lever of knowledge. She knew so much and I wish I could have exploited her more. Drill her fertile brain for that rich fount of information.

We never really got along until it was late in her short life. I was an unwanted child in her eyes. A mistake. She loved me, but she had a hard time getting along with me. She wanted to spend time with me but she was always in difficulty, embarrassed almost.

She would ground me for things that were ridiculous. And then she'd take me shopping or offer to make me a milkshake and braid my hair. It was an excuse to spend time with me. She never asked to spend that time with me, she just took it.

When my parents split up due to my mother having an affair. I didn't hate her for it. But years later she tried to explain it by saying that she was lonely. The real reason was that she had fallen out of love with my father years before.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I feel the need for human contact beyond just what my bf gives me. I need to be touchy-feely with other men, I'd probably even go with women too if I were drunk enough and not worried what they'd say.
The cute guy I work with has been getting more touchy lately, and that's heightening my awareness of him. He actually kissed me on the cheek the other day. No not just the typical European hello kiss. It was a true, full on, moist kiss. When I said good bye to him at lunch, he was on the phone so I started a wave and we ended up with entwined fingers. Now if that's not a somewhat intimate gesture, I'm not sure what is.

I still fantasize about him. He's really the only good looking guy that I am close to at the moment. I catch myself thinking naughty things when he's around.

How I'd like him to come up behind me unexpectedly, move my hair to one side and kiss that area between shoulder and neck. That special area that is curved perfectly to match the curve of a face. It would start with his warm breath, him taking in the smells, and I would freeze in place. He would progress to a kiss, a hint of tongue and a grazing of teeth. His hands would move over my waist to my tummy. Under my tank top, and my muscles would contract at the tickling of his light caress, my breath would shorten and my head would loll back slightly to meet his. His arms would wrap around my thin waist easily into a gradually constricting hug, pulling my body slowly and tightly to his where I could feel his breathing and his hard cock against my jeans.
And then the thought vanishes as my boss calls me to attention.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Hitting Home

I got some information yesterday that has me anxious and on edge.

My boyfriend's family is having severe problems and it's hitting close to home now.

His brother is a married man with three beautiful girls. The youngest girl is about 14, middle is 18 and the oldest is 21. He decided to leave his wife but he didn't do it properly. They haven't ever been really together. But it happened. Kids were had but now he wants out. They never married, they're common-law.

They are all living under the same roof and he is seeing someone else. He obviously doesn't bring her home but the "wife" is having a hugely hard time with it.

His wife has just been admitted for anorexia at the hospital. My brother in law is not taking any responsibility leaving the burden on his daughters. The oldest is trying to struggle with doctors and hospitals, while the youngest cries at the sight of her mother drunk on calming drugs and the middle girl is logical and strong but is anxious and probably not sleeping. She bottles it up and might end up having a panic attack.

When the eldest went to the hospital, she realized they had thrown the mother into an insane asylum for lack of another place to put her (Italy can be superficial sometimes). When she asked the doctors what drugs they were giving her to have her in a drunken stupor, they told her: "drugs to calm her, drops to make her sleep, and something to make her forget all her bad memories".(?!?!?) The eldest daughter of 21 is not stupid, she's young. That is not an excuse to treat her like that.

She got angry at the situation, called the GP and asked him if it was "normal" that her mother was in that situation and that condition. They're transferring her to a specialized centre for Anorexia on Monday.

We've offered to have the youngest come stay with us. but it probably won't happen. The sisters will want to stay together.

The batch of them are going to drive to the new centre on Tuesday. It's not close to here. We'll probably go with them. Doctors won't be confident enough to talk to a 20 yr old about what they're going to do to her mother.

I don't feel much older than her. I'm 31. I dealt with my mother's death when I was 26. It was just my sister and I.

This is going to be tough to help them deal with. We will all suffer with this.

Girls with Glasses

Why do men like girls with glasses? Why do boys make fun of them at school?

As a girl who sometimes wears glasses I've frequently asked myself these questions.

A girl who wears glasses at school is often considered a geek or a teacher's pet. She's often shy and possibly a loner, like I was. They are often vulnerable and easy to taunt. The stereotyped girl with glasses at school is what many movies have played with; That girl who is apparently ugly but who has an amazing potential to be pretty.

Where else do boys see girls/women with glasses while they're in school? The teachers and authority figures. They can be beautiful women who instigate power and fear. They look at you over their glasses and stare you down, making you feel tiny and insignificant.

I think these stereotypes remain in the memories of boys at school, they fantasize about them in two ways as far as I can tell. The shy girl who should/will/can be corrupted and the dominatrix woman with leather and heels ready to hand out spankings.

Did I forget any?

Which is your favourite?