Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Winter is a great season. Don't get me wrong, my favourite is always Summer; shorts, tank tops, tummy in full view, short skirts, bathing suits. But winter is a wonderful season I love the warmth of soft wool sweaters, I love sitting at home under blankets on the couch, watching movies and drinking tea. I love warm socks. If I had a fireplace it would be even nicer.
Cuddling in front of a fire while it snows outside, christmas cookies and cinnamon tea to keep me warm.

One of my fondest memories of an ex-boyfriend was a snow-in. It was a normal winter day in west coast Canada, when out of the blue it started to snow and didn't stop. My bf was staying at my place, his was too far away. It snowed for two days straight until there was 5 feet of snow in front of the doors. The snow plows couldn't get through and the snow covered the cars on the street.

We stayed at home, in bed, making love, talking and getting up just to eat, for 4 days straight. It was magical. We took a walk to get bread, it was like the Klondike. Walking at the level of the hoods of the cars, making a new trail in the snow.

Isolation creates an amazing connection sometimes. If it doesn't draw you closer it can tear you apart.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A face I've seen before

Since playing around on cam I've never come across anyone I know. But it has crossed my mind that I might someday.

One day something happened that I might say was a close call. I had been going on a website called Camfrog. It's a place full of people looking for free webcam nudity. Most people don't have cams, but a few do. Most of the viewers are men but the funny thing is for publicity reasons they often have pre-recorded videos of girls getting naked. I used to strip and watch the comments, it was fun, I liked to see what people thought. Some thought I was one of the pre-recorded vids, and I would laugh and answer on the main chat board that I was real.

One friday, my neighbor, who is a bit of a porn fiend and quite open with me, asked me what websites he could use to chat with girls. I refused to answer (pretending not to know), suggesting he open an msn account. I even looked up a few sites in front of him which were solely chat rooms (no cams). That saturday I was about to go on Camfrog but my computer crashed and kept crashing. I coulnd't log on.
The monday after I asked my neighbor if he had found any satisfying chat sites, and he said that he had. When I asked him what it was called, he said Camfrog and I nearly gagged. I had been lucky. If my computer hadn't broken down I would have gone on and he would have seen me.

I often wonder about old high school friends, or ex boyfriends brothers, or even ex boyfriends. The internet seems HUGE but I don't think it's as big as we think it is.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Old Flames

Why are old flames called old flames? Because they can re-ignite really easily, and you can get burned.

I was on facebook the other evening and I commented on an old friend's post. It's a guy I had a huge crush on back at the end of highschool. He was the crazy painter/musician type. He was tall, lanky and in my opinion cute. He was sexy as hell when he played guitar and sang. He had this nonchalant way about him, especially when he played guitar. Moody, dressed in leather... long black hair....
I have a weak spot for artists.

The Facebook story goes that I ended up starting a chat with "Raoul" (that's what he used to call himself). I had already done so, but it was just a "hello, what have you been up to" chat. This time it was intense, it made me break a sweat, it made my heart beat just a little faster.

He said that he had been jealous of my boyfriend at the time. Which to me is crazy because I broke up with that guy and started falling in love with Raoul. And I ended up telling him that I wished he had made a move on me way back. He admitted to kicking himself for not making that move. He said things that made me think he regretted not following through.

Back in that happy past I wanted him pretty bad. I followed him to every concert I could get my fingers on. We hung out a lot. I remember him admitting, at the time, that he would have made a move, except he thought I was too young. I was probably 17 at the time, he was 20.

I even asked him to come to my graduation. He refused, and I asked someone else. Only that the week after that he went back on his decision and accepted. And I couldn't go back on my word with the other guy. Fuck, that stung.

It was summer, just out of school forever. I wasn't signed up at any universities, and I was about to go on a tour of Europe with a choir. This is when Raoul asked me if I wanted to go to Italy with him to study art in an art school there. I accepted. He was serious. But when I told him that it was a real possibility for me, and that I was seriously going to buy a ticket, he backed out.

This is partially why I'm here in the first place. He put that idea in my head, going to Italy and staying to go to art school. He doesn't know that. I managed to keep that detail to myself... for now.

Chatting to him put crazy ideas into my head, how I'd like to meet up with him, have him fuck my brains out softly, I really really desire him. He's still hot, I saw pictures. He does animation for a TV series that I don't remember the name of. He does art shows, and he has become the lead singer/songwriter and guitarist of a new band. He's going into the recording studio soon and he said he'd send me a cd when it's done (somehow I doubt that will happen). He is newly divorced, with a kid.

Oh how I want him....... I always have. When I think about it, I want it so bad it hurts.
I have to stop thinking about it...

Why can't I help dwelling on the past?


Right. It's time I'm leaving at 5 am tomorrow morning. I probably won't be able to post while I'm away. I've scheduled two posts for next week and the week after. It was all I could manage... sorry!

I will have a full house to come back to when I return, so I'm not sure when I will actually be getting operative again. I'm very worried about the family situation here. I'm afraid that we will be forced to come back home, cutting our trip short. Just the thought of not seeing my father, after six years, makes me sad. However if bf's brother has really been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, I don't know how things will proceed in two months. I guess we'll just see.

I've packed, I'm set. I'll try to get some pics up... but I can't promise anything.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!!!!!


Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Tie me up to enhance my curves, bind me and block me so I can't move.

A cream of chocolate, spread knowingly over my body. The perfume penetrating my nose and boring a hole in my brain. Making our mouths water.

Chocolate mousse soft and light dolloped artfully on each nipple.
Whipped cream, the kind in a can, sprayed in patterns over my tight belly leading down between my legs.
Two lines of chocolate syrup, squeezed directly from the bottle on either thigh, letting it drip and trickle, tickling my thighs, making me squirm, making me want to scratch the itch, making me moan for you to lick and bite it.

Raspberries placed randomly over my surface, waiting to be snatched up. Pass me one from between your chocolate lips. Let me taste the sour juices contrasting the bittersweet chocolate. Let me lick and suck the raspberry from between your sweet lips until I send you back for another one. When they're gone I'll order you to follow the trail of whipped cream to that mysterious place between my legs. Follow the trail of chocolate syrup up my thighs easing my itching pain to finally plunge your tongue into the abyss.
My back unnaturally arched, you are the culprit. Our bodies sliding together the chocolate melting, the smell getting stronger, and covering us both.

Sitting me upright, forcing me to my knees, you order me to lick at you, clean you up with my tongue and lips. You take your rock hard cock in your hand to guide it over my breasts, wiping up the chocolate mousse left there. You force my head down, taking me by my hair, explaining as you do that I've made a mess and I must clean it up. Your hard cock enters my mouth, eager for that chocolaty smooth head. Still guiding my head, you push and pull me by my hair, forcing my mouth over that pulsing member, making the chocolate melt and run down my chin, penetrating my throat, making me gasp for air. The taste of the bittersweet chocolate mixes with a decidedly more bitter taste of that special boiling liquid you produce on your own, spewing down my throat and I'm finally full. After such a long starvation.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Is it you or me?

So what do you do when your partner initiates sex in a way that you often find annoying?

I didn't use to mind the whole way he initiated sex. Recently though it has started to get on my nerves. Ok it's not exactly recent, it's been at least a year.

I never really paid much attention to it at first. I must have been too busy being horny to notice, or maybe things have actually changed.

The ritual goes like this: I'm in bed, or on the couch, relaxing doing nothing specific, perhaps I'm watching TV or sleeping even (let's say his timing is pretty good). He'll snuggle up and make a kind of squeaky noise and rub against my leg. He'll slide his hand down my jeans or pyjama bottoms. Then he'll dry hump my leg and try to work me up.

It doesn't work.
It almost turns me off.
I probably sound like a whiner but I really can't figure it out if it's just me or if it's just plain boring. Maybe I should be trying harder. Often I end up taking control of the situation and jumping on top of him... But I can't rightly do that every single time can I?
Plus if the whole dry humping turns me off, I don't often feel like jumping on top.
I feel like he needs to get some new moves in. Surprise me. Wine and dine me. Grab me while I'm doing something active, while I least expect it. Try kissing my neck or ear or something. Even a kiss on the mouth works. Maybe even talk me into it, whisper something naughty in my ear.

I know. I sound like a horrible girlfriend. I won't be offended if everyone just tells me to get a life and try harder to enjoy it.

He mentioned that it seemed I enjoyed sex more when I initiated it. It's probably true. I probably like it more because I turn myself on.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

What's going on?

I've been really ignoring this blog recently and I apologize to any followers who have to stop by often just to see that I haven't added anything.

Things recently have become even more complicated than they were.

As many of you know I'm leaving for a 2 month trip in December. I have all of the preparations for that to take care of but even that was risking getting postponed or cancelled even. My bf's brother was diagnosed with a possible bone cancer. He has had 2 biopsies on his spine and no one wants to tell us what is really going on. We got so worried that we almost decided not to leave. His brother has calmed us for the time being, saying that it's not serious, but to me, cancer is always serious.

Bf's sister in law (the other brother's wife) is still in a psychiatric hospital for the anorexia but she seems to be doing a little better than the last time we saw her. The girls are dealing with it as best they can, but it's very stressful for them. They know nothing of their uncle.

Bf's mother is coming up to this part of Italy to house-sit for us while we're gone. So the week before we leave will be full of things to do for the trip and for her. We'll also have one of the nieces staying here with her to keep her company. But it means a full house before we leave and no time for myself.

Bf is leaving on Monday to get his mother and will be gone for a few days, (until Thursday afternoon) so I will have a little time to get some stuff done. I'm hoping to do some catching up with people and blog alike. But I'm going to be uber busy packing and cleaning before "mother" gets here.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

HNT actually on a Thursday!

Today is actually Thursday! haha I managed to get a pic up for HNT today.

Bf is going away for a few days before we leave for a 2 month tour of Asia so I'll be able to get some extra blogging done and hopefully to get some more HNTs.

Monday, November 9, 2009

HNT warming up

Two HNT pics today. I'm trying to make up for my HNT absence as you might be able to tell.

It's winter, it's cold, it's rainy. It was definitely fun taking these in a warm sweater :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Young love

I think I have figured out why mother nature makes us fall in love prevalently when we are young. As we get older people change. They get more quirky. But that's not the reason why.
The reason why is that we are wiser and notice other people's quirks more. We are capable of recognizing the ones that are dangerous, and the ones that define others as obsessive compulsive, manic depressive or what ever other disorder.
It gets harder and harder to find a long lasting partner as we get older because of just that, we notice their faults more than we did when we were younger.
When you're young and reckless you don't pay attention to details as much, to faults and quirks. When you're older it's often all you notice in a person, the things that annoy you, or just plain piss you off.

What do you think?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I finally caught up with Rob yesterday morning. It was like being high. All I wanted to do was give him a huge hug.

I didn't get to see him. We just chatted on MSN, but he caught my post about "thinking of you" because he had texted it to me the other day. So he sent me a message on MSN (which I didn't get) saying that he was thinking about me in general, which made me smile to no end. We talked about all sorts of stuff. About how he was back on "justchat" and met an american girl who's "cute" as he put it. I would usually get jealous about this, but it didn't in the least bit phase me this time. Not sure why, maybe I was just too happy to hear from him. We spoke about my imminent trip to Asia this winter (a whole 2 months away from home!!). And we spoke a bit about how my bf is behaving around the organization of the trip.

On a side note. My Bf is not behaving badly at all. But he has put me in a slightly difficult situation. I will be seeing my father in Asia this winter, I have not seen him for 6 years or so. My sister was here recently so I have seen her a few times in the past 2 years (which is unusual) but she lives in Asia as well, in a place that we will be getting VERY close to. She works in a resort and offered us to stay there for less than half the price of what it would generally cost. It is a paradise, truly, honestly one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen as a resort. And Bf isn't sure that we can make it there due to time and money. Now I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to monopolize the trip and just do what I want. But seeing as she is my family and we are getting so close to her (less than an hour's flight) I think we should make the effort to go.

(picture of the resort where my sister works and lives)

So after a discussion about all of that Rob made a prediction. He said that we would break up by the end of the trip or get married. Not sure what to make of it. I didn't blink an eye. It didn't phase me. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing. In any case we'll see how things go.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

What does "I've been thinking about you" really mean?

I've been thinking.

When a girl tells a guy that she's been thinking about him, it generally means that she has been thinking about him in an abstract way about his face, his words, his actions. Him in general. She probably misses him in some way.

Is it the same for men, or do men say that they think about a woman when they've been thinking about how they'd like to fuck her? or how they'd like her to gag on his cock? or is it more of a general thing, like what women think?
Or will men say that they're thinking about a woman just to please her, to make her feel wanted so they get laid? When in fact he didn't think about her at all.

I wouldn't want to be too gullible and think that when a guy tells me he's been thinking about me that he's actually been thinking about ME as a person and me in general.
Or should I?
Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I should give into my romantic nature and believe that he's been thinking about how I am and what I'm doing and when we met... and so on and so on.

Don't get me wrong, I think about ravaging a man's body all the time. But I don't often tell a man that I've been thinking about him JUST when I've been thinking about sexual acts with him, unless I'm teasing him. I guess I put more of an emotional twist on the words. It's a bit like saying the dreaded "I love you". You only say it when you mean it (at least I do). I only say that I've been thinking about a person when I really mean it emotionally, when I miss them as a person.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Italian TV

I've been down and out with the flu this week. I have been laying in bed, blowing my nose and coughing a lung up for 4 days.
This morning I was up at 6:00am because I couldn't breathe. So I came out into the living room and turned the TV on. Italian TV is strange. They have the strangest re-runs on in the mornings here. The morning went something like this:

-Quincy M.E.:Good old manual CSI stuff haha it's great.
-Hunter: What to say except crazy hairdoos
-The A-Team: Oh yeah baby that's definitely something I wish I could get more of. Mr.T rocks.
-Starsky and Hutch: A show I never got to see when I was little, I'm a few years too young, but yes It's the height of 70s clothing and music.

What I didn't get this morning but I may get on another morning, is Night Rider (aka "SUPERCAR" as the Italians call it), Magnum P.I. It's so much better in Italian than in English. Has something to do with the dubbing. The jokes are actually funny, The Dukes of Hazzard Car chases and hot girls in hot pants ;)

I should to a whole post dedicated to Italian TV. It really is quite an interesting phenomenon.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Party time?

A few weeks ago I was invited to a friends house to have a "girls night" with makeovers, toe nail painting and manicures. Instead the three of us got completely trashed on white, red and rose wine, gin and limoncello. My new London girl friend here in my small town in Italy then decided to invite a man over. He was in the area texting her and so the devious deed was done.

He was an average man in his late 40s I'd say. Nothing exceptional, certainly not my type. But I find British men wonderful flirts and teases. They know how to push my buttons. They are open about teasing. Not like Italian men who try to be suave and gentlemen, British men try to be openly vulgar even, and that does get me going.

I have to admit that I don't remember much. There are pictures of me with the other two girls on a couch, and then another picture of me on the bed with one girl and the token man.

I remember that he kept going to the toilet, and I kept peeking in every time he did. I'm sure he caught on that I was trying to push his buttons. He kept calling me the devilish one, the naughty one.

We were never naked. But I can tell you one thing. It's extremely easy to get into serious trouble when that much alcohol has been consumed.

I wonder how badly he was hoping for something to happen. Three pretty girls, completely drunk rolling around on the couch or the bed... getting naked, calling him to join. Hmmm

I probably gave him the wrong impression too, I offered to walk him to catch a taxi. He's not from here so I feel protective of visitors, making sure they get home ok. I put him on a cab, but he kept looking at me as if he wanted to drag me into the cab.

I feel a slight bit bad. I must have led the guy on. I even remember putting my feet in his lap. "Unconsciously" rubbing them around.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

HNT let me in.

It's a snapshot of me on the couch. A quick one while bf is sleeping.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Update Shmupdate

Alright update time.

First of all I'd like to apologize to all my readers. I have been very slow at keeping my blog updated and interesting. I do however have a lot of things going on these days between family friends, a huge trip to plan in December and TONS of work.

I haven't been to see my sister in law yet. We are going this afternoon though so I'll have more info on that later today or tomorrow.

Work has been crazy recently. I haven't been to my usual work place with my cute co-worker so there's no news on that front. Although I will be seeing him again next week.

I can still feel the depression creeping under my skin, but I'm managing to keep it away as long as nothing serious happens. I hope this evening at the clinic doesn't trigger anything.

My sex life is good. Although bf has to do a sperm test to see how live his sperm is on friday so he can't have any sexual release until after then. 3 days of teasing muahahahahaha (evil grin and rubbing of hands).

I want to thank everyone who emailed me in concern and with help for my sister in law. I really have found an amazing outlet here and I promise I'll try harder to keep things up to date and interesting!

I will also try to be better at answering emails....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Ultimate Tease

Eat me, bite me, slap me, kiss me, fuck me, suck me, slip me, fix me.
Listen, wait, want, take.
Start again.
Taste me, smell me, breathe me, graze me, touch me, want me, seek me, hold me.
Slip, first in, then out, deep, slow, pulsing, throbbing.
Listen carefully, wait longer, want more, take harder.

The ultimate tease is knowing when to listen, when to wait, when to give.


I sit calmly, in the dark light of the long finished setting sun, pouring its lacking light through the patio windows opposite me.

There is a pitch that is taking over my mood, slowly but surely. I can feel it creeping like oil into my veins, through my nerves and into my organs. The same way a flower filters air and water, my system filters the darkness, feeding my soul that unwanted poison of obscurity.

§ § § § § § § § § § § §

There have been too many mentions of a gash that was left in me 5 years ago when my mother died. She was my only artistic lever of knowledge. She knew so much and I wish I could have exploited her more. Drill her fertile brain for that rich fount of information.

We never really got along until it was late in her short life. I was an unwanted child in her eyes. A mistake. She loved me, but she had a hard time getting along with me. She wanted to spend time with me but she was always in difficulty, embarrassed almost.

She would ground me for things that were ridiculous. And then she'd take me shopping or offer to make me a milkshake and braid my hair. It was an excuse to spend time with me. She never asked to spend that time with me, she just took it.

When my parents split up due to my mother having an affair. I didn't hate her for it. But years later she tried to explain it by saying that she was lonely. The real reason was that she had fallen out of love with my father years before.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I feel the need for human contact beyond just what my bf gives me. I need to be touchy-feely with other men, I'd probably even go with women too if I were drunk enough and not worried what they'd say.
The cute guy I work with has been getting more touchy lately, and that's heightening my awareness of him. He actually kissed me on the cheek the other day. No not just the typical European hello kiss. It was a true, full on, moist kiss. When I said good bye to him at lunch, he was on the phone so I started a wave and we ended up with entwined fingers. Now if that's not a somewhat intimate gesture, I'm not sure what is.

I still fantasize about him. He's really the only good looking guy that I am close to at the moment. I catch myself thinking naughty things when he's around.

How I'd like him to come up behind me unexpectedly, move my hair to one side and kiss that area between shoulder and neck. That special area that is curved perfectly to match the curve of a face. It would start with his warm breath, him taking in the smells, and I would freeze in place. He would progress to a kiss, a hint of tongue and a grazing of teeth. His hands would move over my waist to my tummy. Under my tank top, and my muscles would contract at the tickling of his light caress, my breath would shorten and my head would loll back slightly to meet his. His arms would wrap around my thin waist easily into a gradually constricting hug, pulling my body slowly and tightly to his where I could feel his breathing and his hard cock against my jeans.
And then the thought vanishes as my boss calls me to attention.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Hitting Home

I got some information yesterday that has me anxious and on edge.

My boyfriend's family is having severe problems and it's hitting close to home now.

His brother is a married man with three beautiful girls. The youngest girl is about 14, middle is 18 and the oldest is 21. He decided to leave his wife but he didn't do it properly. They haven't ever been really together. But it happened. Kids were had but now he wants out. They never married, they're common-law.

They are all living under the same roof and he is seeing someone else. He obviously doesn't bring her home but the "wife" is having a hugely hard time with it.

His wife has just been admitted for anorexia at the hospital. My brother in law is not taking any responsibility leaving the burden on his daughters. The oldest is trying to struggle with doctors and hospitals, while the youngest cries at the sight of her mother drunk on calming drugs and the middle girl is logical and strong but is anxious and probably not sleeping. She bottles it up and might end up having a panic attack.

When the eldest went to the hospital, she realized they had thrown the mother into an insane asylum for lack of another place to put her (Italy can be superficial sometimes). When she asked the doctors what drugs they were giving her to have her in a drunken stupor, they told her: "drugs to calm her, drops to make her sleep, and something to make her forget all her bad memories".(?!?!?) The eldest daughter of 21 is not stupid, she's young. That is not an excuse to treat her like that.

She got angry at the situation, called the GP and asked him if it was "normal" that her mother was in that situation and that condition. They're transferring her to a specialized centre for Anorexia on Monday.

We've offered to have the youngest come stay with us. but it probably won't happen. The sisters will want to stay together.

The batch of them are going to drive to the new centre on Tuesday. It's not close to here. We'll probably go with them. Doctors won't be confident enough to talk to a 20 yr old about what they're going to do to her mother.

I don't feel much older than her. I'm 31. I dealt with my mother's death when I was 26. It was just my sister and I.

This is going to be tough to help them deal with. We will all suffer with this.

Girls with Glasses

Why do men like girls with glasses? Why do boys make fun of them at school?

As a girl who sometimes wears glasses I've frequently asked myself these questions.

A girl who wears glasses at school is often considered a geek or a teacher's pet. She's often shy and possibly a loner, like I was. They are often vulnerable and easy to taunt. The stereotyped girl with glasses at school is what many movies have played with; That girl who is apparently ugly but who has an amazing potential to be pretty.

Where else do boys see girls/women with glasses while they're in school? The teachers and authority figures. They can be beautiful women who instigate power and fear. They look at you over their glasses and stare you down, making you feel tiny and insignificant.

I think these stereotypes remain in the memories of boys at school, they fantasize about them in two ways as far as I can tell. The shy girl who should/will/can be corrupted and the dominatrix woman with leather and heels ready to hand out spankings.

Did I forget any?

Which is your favourite?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


So I told him. He kinda pried it out of me.
It was supposed to be a trade off.

My bf quit smoking about 5 years ago. On occasion I have found cigarettes hidden around the house or the car. And the other day I smelled it on his hands. I let it sit for a few days and today I asked him about it. It was a quick "funny" conversation. I kept laughing, trying to keep things light. and he kept swearing that he hadn't smoked. He got into being honest and he said that I was hiding things from him on the computer. So I said, "I'll tell you what I'm hiding on the computer if you tell me where you hid the cigarettes and if you smoked one".
At that point I couldn't pull out. He knew there was something in the computer that I was hiding. So when he swore that he had neither smoked or had cigarettes around I was forced to tell him what I was doing on the computer.
Sooooo I told him I had a diary.
Which is true.... kinda...
I didn't tell him it was a blog. But that might eventually come out of the woodwork. And he'll never find it on internet anyhow. He doesn't speak English.
Problem is if he wants to see it. If he wants me to prove that I write a diary.
I may have to change my profile pic to something less conspicuous.
Hmmm or just refuse to show him.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sex From the Past number.... um... nah there's no sex in this anyhow.

I caught up with another person on Facebook recently. He's a guy that I have often thought of in the past years. He was a guy I met because we just stared at each other a few times. When we finally got a chance to speak to each other he said to me "do you know me?".

He was the tortured artist type. The tall lanky guy who has long black hair, black leather jacket, and generally always wears black. He was an amazing artist and musician. He played guitar and sang in a band. I would go to every concert possible. I adored his guitar playing and his singing. He turned me on with every song he played. He lied to me about his name. I went for months thinking his name was Raoul. I actually invited him to my graduation as my date. We had spent so much time together. He was older than me by a few years and he was afraid of ruining me I think. But I wanted him to make a move. He never did. We got so very close a few times.
He turned down my invite to graduation and I was upset about it but found someone else to go. At the last minute he changed his mind and said yes, but it was too late. I had already asked that someone else.
He is honestly one of the main reasons I'm in Italy at the moment. He asked me if I would go to Italy with him to study art in Milan. I said yes and was so gung-ho that I actually started organizing it. Then destiny kicked in because various other events pulled together for me to come here. He backed out on me. He probably never really meant it in the first place. It was wishful thinking on his part.

Catching up with him on Facebook freaked me out a little. There's a picture of him and he's still entirely hot. His son must be 8 or 9, and he's cool looking. He will be hot when he gets older. He was married to a beautiful girl, I think they've separated because he results as "single" on Facebook.

Facebook is a bit of torture. It sometimes brings back those memories that were better left untouched.


I am having such a hard time getting any writing done. Every time I touch the keyboard my BF asks me who I'm writing. He is extremely suspicious recently, and I can totally understand why. I spend all my free time on internet.

I'm wondering whether I need to tell him a partial truth, like saying that I have an online diary, which would make him so curious he'd want to see it. Or start cutting back, even if my daily use really is quite limited already when he's around.

How frustrating.

Monday, September 28, 2009

HNTank on a monday

Since I didn't get an HNT last week. I'll post a poor example of an HNMonday. I don't have a lot of time to take a really artistic picture so you'll have to accept my more "natural" me in jeans and a tank.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Being Me

The week alone is over. The weeks together have started. The frustration is around the corner. Closer than I think.
He's already getting on my nerves, although I can deal with it. Rather, I should say, he knows how to keep me from getting annoyed. He calms me. It's the little things. Leaving things around. Leaving dishes.... you know. When you're on your own you deal with all your own stuff. I'd rather not deal with other people's things. But I'm selfish that way.

My week was a busy one. I had difficulty with my boss. I worked lots. I was busy with the bf. I wish I could have had time for HNT this week. It just means when I find time I'll be posting two to make up for it. My bf usually works on Saturdays giving me time on my own, but this week that isn't happening.

This evening I'm going out with two girls. It may in fact be the first time that I've ever really been out with girls like I used to do in Canada. Drinking and just plain having fun. Make overs, nail polish, pillow fights, passing out and all that stuff!

I want a banana split
I want to see Rob on skype
I want to eat bacon
I want a studio where I can work
I want, I want, I want.
How selfish can I be?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

He's Baaack.

The BF is now back. He quietly slipped into bed this morning at 6:30 after taking a shower. His body was cool next to mine. Wet with invisible droplets of humidity, smelling like rosemary and mint. He spooned me from behind, I turned, half asleep, to plunge my legs between his to feel my burning skin cool with the touch of his. We slept entwined for hours. His presence strong and sure next to me.
When we woke up he kissed me, he pulled me towards him and suckled my neck and shoulder down to my nipples. He pulled my shorts off and pulled the covers away to reveal my bare legs. He spread me like a book and buried his face in my cunt. Licking like an animal, sucking on my clit, slipping a finger in and out and back in.

I pushed him onto his back, straddled his leg and went down on him. I licked his cock from base to tip while cupping his balls, massaging them delicately. I took just the tip into my mouth and swirled around it with my tongue, feeling the smooth skin of his head, before thrusting it deep into my throat. I pulled up, having almost gagged myself, to force it back down. I repeated these actions, licking , swirling, cupping and thrusting a few times before coming up to face him.

I usually have to guide his cock into me, but today we were very well coordinated. It slipped in easily, I was dripping wet and he was still covered in my saliva. He grabbed my ass and pulled me onto him harder, while I settled my head above his shoulder. He teased my ass hole with one hand, while he offered the other to my mouth, two fingers, that was unusual for him. It's usually one. He teases because it's taboo for him to put a finger in my ass. It would make him cum to put it in, so he rims. I needed more, I grabbed his finger and pushed it in. I moaned loudly with that and he pulled it out and slapped me twice on the ass making me gasp.

He was so close to cumming so he pulled out. I moved to one side on all fours and continued to finger myself while he got up behind me to watch. I fingered myself for him and he pushed his finger back into my ass, one finger in my pussy, all the while I kept moving on my clit. He pounded me like that for a while until he was ready to go back in. He slipped himself back in, never took his finger out of my ass and I never stopped rubbing my clit frantically. He came hard. Mostly on my ass, some of his cum hit my arm. The smell stung my nose.

I didn't cum. He did everything right. But after such a long time of not having sex it takes a while to synchronize. I'm sure we'll have another go this evening to make up for it.

Sex isn't just reaching orgasm. It's the pleasure of getting there. If you don't get there it's fun just the same.
Just a voice. It's reassuring, complimenting, helpful, easy, like an old friend an old lover. Like someone I've known for years. It's cheerful, and makes me laugh and smile. At the right time it's politely demanding, convincing and probing. It makes me hot, sexy, and free.

Just a face. Friendly eyes, staring, smiling, wanting, laughing. Like a quiet lover, taking everything in. Eyes eating, feasting and smiling. Games make light of the evening which is also morning. Giggling with no sound. Flashing skin, hands moving, rhythm is held and then release.

Just a mind. It's connected to the body. The body is giving, donating, urgent. The mind gives and gives, and the mind wants to take something just occasionally. The mind wants to take that freedom, that time to be empty, to avoid thoughts. the body gives so that the mind can take. The mind wants to be loved and seen so that the body can give release.

Just a heart. It's open and closed. The mind is ruling the heart. Teasing, testing, waiting. The heart is connected to the body, to the mind and gut. It is instinct and pheromones, smelling the desire and acting on it. Mind and fingers referring what the heart feels. Honesty and fire. Lust being the driving force.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Vampire Porn

There is something about Vampires that turns me on. Now, I've been attracted to vampire novels all my life. I love them. Ok so Twilight is the newest in the series, but the Anne Rice series is my all-time favourite. They can be age old and keep their beauty and youth. I mean, who wouldn't be turned on by a beautiful, hot, sexy, deadly man who wants to take control of you, possibly tie you up and lick and bite you? Wouldn't you want to be tied up by a hot vampire? Taken from behind, head pushed slowly to one side, hair brushed away and then bitten on the neck while his other hand is reaching between your legs? I'm sure you can just feel his strong compelling hand on your neck holding you in place while the other reaches, gropes for that wetness that was created as soon as he touched you.

Maybe he'd tie you up just to keep you as a snack. Biting and licking you every once and a while.
Mmmm Vampires, I certainly wouldn't put up a fight.


Today I double penetrated myself for the first time.

It was to say the least insane. I didn't think I was capable. Mr New helped me with it on Skype today. It was his birthday so he had me dress up in knee high black leather boots and pigtails. I added the pink hot pants and matching pink panties and bra. First he had me spank myself with a hairbrush. Just a warm up. Which worked divinely to get me wet. Then he had me rub my clit with the handle. Oh my, that was yummy. Then he said " I should get you to fuck your ass with that". I paused, thought about it, I had washed the brush before the play so everything was cool... Aww hell why not? I reached up with my free hand and got my fingers good and wet, moved them back down to my basically virgin ass and got it as wet as I could, repeat twice and I was ready to go.
I closed my eyes, relaxed and slid it in. It went in easier than I thought. It's not too huge. It's pretty thin, but I could definitely feel it stretch me. I had it half way in when he said, get your toy.
I have a blue vibrator. It doesn't vibrate anymore and I unfortunately can't get a new one due to logistic problems. So I grabbed it. He told me to "suck it". Now I should have put my "fuck me" glasses on because from where the screen was I couldn't see too well and I misread, I thought it said "fuck it". So I Sucked it first to get it wet, although I was already dripping. In and out a few times and then down. Oh my. It was intense. Penetration hurt a little, I had to find the right angle. But once it was in, my heart pounded, I could feel my face flushing, and I broke into a sweat. I don't think I lasted long, I remember pounding with the hand on the dildo and lifting my hips to match the rhythm, I was afraid that moving my other hand would hurt. The orgasm was acute. Hot like a fire poker.

Mr New didn't have a lot of time unfortunately, he was getting ready for work, he was taking a shower and as soon as I came he showed me how much he enjoyed watching me. His technique is lovely, and slow I can see every movement so clearly.

It was.... yummmmm.... something to repeat :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hold oN Tight,

Did I dare? I did. HHNT :o)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Advizor's post got me thinking.

Emotions are hard to block out especially when things get as seemingly intense as they have with Rob and I. I've written a tentative email about this to him. Despite me seeing him on cam and our playing resulting in the "Belt" post, I feel that things have changed. I haven't sent the email yet and I'm still not sure I will.

I think it's natural for things to change and evolve. I'm not one for stopping that. I think change can go in two directions, it can be enticing, beautiful and welcome, and other times horribly frightening. No matter which it is I think it often needs to happen otherwise things can stagnate. Life is like a river, it needs to keep moving. Can't force it to stay still, it has to run it's course.

I'm afraid of things falling apart with him. I'm afraid of losing what we have. He knows me better than anyone else, sexually speaking, and possibly beyond. There's no way I can substitute 8 years of knowing someone, of getting to know someone. I don't really want to.

I get the feeling sometimes that he has caught himself in some kind of an emotion with me, and that he's trying to push it away. Trying to separate himself from this situation. I don't blame him if that's the case.

I hope it doesn't push him too far away.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

HNToo Early??

Oops did I post this too early? Oh, I think I got confused between HNTuesday and HNThursday.... which one is it? Oh well, Just means I'll have to do more on Thursday... Or maybe HNT could be either... right? they both start with 'T'.

I did promise the black set. The Blue one is one of my favourites, but I like how I can use nylons with the black set.

Shopping can be fun.

I'd like to walk into a shop, with a short skirt and a thong on, shirt, shoes and the rest. I want to be surprised in some secluded area of the store by some attractive young man putting his hand up my skirt and fingering me right there. First by rubbing me through the fabric of my panties, then he'd move them to one side with a quick flip of the thumb and dip into my wetness. Maybe it would escalate. Maybe he'd let me feel how hard he was through his jeans, pushing it against my ass. Maybe he'd whisper something into my ear about how much he wants to put it inside me. Or maybe I'd lean back into him, arching my back, turning my head slightly and I'd ask for it. I'd tell him how much I want it inside me. Who knows, perhaps he'd just give it to me without warning. He'd have one hand on my hips guiding me onto him, the other would be in my mouth, to keep me quiet.

There are fantasies which I need to put into practice somehow. I read Advizor's post about his haircut and was reminded, so to speak, of this one.

Maybe I should organize it somehow. I mean I could, if I were in London or something, organize to be in a certain place at a certain time, and have someone I've only seen in photograph come and surprise me. Or maybe Rob would be up for it. Hmmm lot's to think about.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Belt, part II

He asked me if I wanted to do "The Belt" part two. How could I possibly resist.

I was turned on the minute Rob sent me a text this morning saying that he was rock hard in bed wanting to push his cock into my pussy.
We talked nicely for the first while, I kept hinting that I wanted something more. He played and teased me until his suggestion came. We were looking for something different, fingers weren't going to be enough today.

I grabbed the belt and organized myself. And I watched him closely. He told me exactly what he wanted me to do.

-Slap yourself with it.
-put it between your legs over your panties, and pull on it, long and slow strokes.

Each link bumping slowly against my clit, dragging my panties with it, pulling them tighter into my ass and then back again, tightening them on my clit. Back and forth, it was almost unbearable.

-Spit on your fingers, rub it on your pussy then slip the belt through the sides of your panties.

I did as he said. I was already wet, but this made me downright slick and I shivered slightly with the cold metal on my skin, feeling the links against my freshly shaved pussy.

-Pull your top down so your nipples are showing. Pull on them. Wrap the belt around them.

I wrapped the belt around my chest. The cold buckle on my nipple. It was rough and cold, but it made my nipples hard. It felt good. I like anything tight.

-Pull it tighter, hurt yourself a little.

I pulled it tight, feeding the buckle more and more length, pulling my breasts closer together. It was almost hard to breathe, but it felt so good to be back in his hands.

-Ok, enough take it off.

It was enough to make my breasts slightly red, I looked down and laughed at myself. He smiled.

-Back to your pussy, put the belt through front to back, under your panties, spread wide. Now push some of it in.

It hurt a little, the links pinching, I had to find the right combination of movements to get some of it in. I bunched it up, the cold metal warming to my skin.

-Hold it there. Now rub your clit with the other part.

The belt was ever so slightly inside me, and I took the top half and rubbed it against my clit. The belt was now wet, sliding easily over my skin as I took the top section of chain mail and rubbed it quickly across the most sensitive area. It was getting me to the brink, just the thrill of pushing metal into myself on his orders.

The belt was eventually abandoned. I resorted in my fingers. He had me spanking myself and pushing my fingers in, banging myself and calling me a slut, his slut, until I came. I was dizzy from breathing so hard. I love that feeling of getting dizzy on sex. Getting drunk on it.

He was eager, watching, smiling, and resisting. He didn't touch himself but he was hard. He showed me like a good boy when I was done. He was huge, as usual. I asked him if I could watch him get off.

He had just shaved his marvelous cock, his balls were smooth and obviously nice to play with because he started there. God how I wanted to take them into my mouth, lick them, and get them totally drenched. I wanted his cock in my mouth. I wanted it against the back of my throat. It's a massive piece of work, I'm not sure I could handle it all. But I do want to try.

He asked me where I wanted him to cum. I asked him to cum on my tits first, making my nipples wet and slick, so I could rub it all in. Then on my lips and chin, so I could lick it up.

He came hard. All over his dining room table, he tilted the camera to show me. Holy shit, that was a lot of cum. I wasn't expecting it. But it was so hot I wanted more. I always want more from him.

It's crazy, I have to control myself.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Looking for Me.

I would describe myself as a modest girl. A simple girl. As much as I like my body I don't exaggerate in clothes or makeup. I don't go out of my way to attract attention. A simple pair of jeans and a tank top or sweater is all I really need for everyday life. I find it sexy and above all easy.

I like skirts, short, long... it depends on if I have to ride my bike or not.

I don't run around in vertiginous high heels, I prefer a low kitty heel. Don't get me wrong, I'll wear high heels for the right occasion or work event. I have a pair of boots with higher heels which I wear on a regular basis in winter with skirts.

Being as shy as I am in person (on internet I am an exhibitionist, but in person I seem the opposite often) I sometimes (not always) avoid the stares of men. I try not to wear red, that would make me stand out too much. The men in Italy are not afraid to stare and even call out when a pretty girl walks by.

All this to say that I have a split personality. With the right person the "other half" could come out and play in real life, not just on internet, on Skype or on Blogger. Sometimes I feel like I need to find that person. The person who can bring me out of my shell, help me truely understand who I am.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Bad Poetry by me.

Up and down and
in and out and
all around and round and round
fill your ears full of sound
bite my lips and pound and pound

speak to me softly
searing your breath
onto my neck
seeking my skin
under your tongue
sliding it up,
sliding it down
breaking me in
this is not sin
where have you been
making me spin
all my life
like a knife
cutting me free
making me see
that I'm not yours
to make me want you so much.
and I'm starting to resent it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Strange Dreams and Needs

At work today I was taking a quick rest on a step there were various people walking around including my one and only male co-worker who's hot and sexy and I'd have sex with in a second if I didn't have a boyfriend and if I weren't in such a small town. He must have walked past me at least three times. I had this irresistible urge to just pull him by the legs, undo his zipper and take his cock in my mouth. Damn. Not such a good idea in a studio full of people, right? Then I contemplated staying there with him for lunch, just the two of us alone. But I avoided it. It probably just would have been uncomfortable.

I had the strangest dream last night.
I was destined to marry a girlfriend of mine that I haven't seen in about 10 years. must have something to do with the fact that she got married (to a man) and she posted the news on facebook recently. Then during the dream a gay Italian singer wanted to have sex with me. I was horny and would have, he's a lot older than me and he's not my type, but I kept telling him that I couldn't because I was getting married.
I don't think I'll even try to analyze that dream.

(A recent picture of him above, and an older gayer one below)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

HNT Colours

I love colours. And I decided to get a little more nekkid with all you readers today. I think the nudity creates wonderful colours I may even have to make a painting of this image. It's very artistic don't you think?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Shower

His eyes were on her, they didn't look away for a second. He absentmindedly popped food into his mouth as if he were at the movies.
The screen lit his face and reflected in his glasses as he watched her undress. She thought she saw a hint of nervousness, fidgety even. She smiled and continued to take off her bra and panties.
She adjusted the angle of the computer so that the shower was visible, made sure that the height was just right so that he could see her from the thighs up at least.
She never promised him anything. Just a shower.

It had been a hot day, she was sticky and sweaty from a day at work, a shower is just what she needed to relax, get clean and cool off.

As he munched on his snack, he was attentive, watching every move. She started with a rinse, getting everything wet, running her hands through her hair and feeling the water on her face.

Her nipples hardened and perked from the temperature difference of the water.
She reached for a bottle and started with her hair. Washing and scrubbing it thoroughly but quickly. She didn't know when her boyfriend would be home. When she turned to rinse, he could see the shampoo suds make their way down her long back and along the crack between her cheeks.

Next she reached for the shower gel. She abundantly poured it on her sponge and teased by pouring some on her chest, rubbing her hands over her breasts to make it foam. She passed the sponge over her entire body, from her neck and shoulders over her breasts, working her way down to that special place between her legs. The soap making everything slippery and smooth. the foam slipping into the most intimate areas of her body. She touched herself longingly knowing that there wasn't time for any real play, just time for a tease.

Grabbing another pretzel he noticed she had reached for something different. It wasn't another bottle. She had little blue razor in her hand, she used it quickly under her arms before moving down between her legs again, lifting her leg just enough to slip the razor under. She seemed satisfied by the smoothness, running her hand back and forth slowly, obviously aroused by the situation.

She was finishing, a last rinse. Stepping out of the shower, dripping, goosebumps, and a shiver. Wrapping herself in a plush housecoat, and a towel in her hair. She dried her hands quickly and grabbed the computer, carrying it into the other room. She closed the curtains on the window and proceeded to grab yet another bottle. This one was moisturizer. She smiled at him, while she watched his reaction as she dripped it onto her breasts obviously imitating what he called liquid pearl. It created something of a mess. It looked like he had just cum all over her. She started rubbing it in slowly, enjoying every second of the slippery smoothness. She worked it into her breasts, tummy, legs and thighs, each time dripping it teasingly on the various parts of her body.

She looked up to see his reaction. He was concentrated smiling, but not making direct eye contact. He wanted to show her what she had done to him. She ran to get clothes jumped into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, just in case her boyfriend got home. She was eager to see what he had in store for her.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Still kicking

Yes I'm still alive. I have not been able to get onto Blogger recently due to a mix of work, bf and art time for me. I've started on a largish project which will be eating my time up for the next while. However I do plan on catching up on all my reading and posting. So alas hang in there.

A few notes:

I'm writing a post on Mr. New (I need to find an appropriate name). It's the shower scene ;) so It should be fun to read.

I spoke with Rob recently, and things seem to be lacking. Again it could be my imagination, since it was him who texted me, and we had a nice yet brief conversation. When I asked him if he would be around next week he said he didn't know.

Bf will be going away for a week. (did I already mention this?) In any case it means that I'll have time for Rob (if he wants the attention), Mr. New and Blogger, not to mention my art project.

I have had no sexual behavior in the past few weeks due to various things. Nothing serious. Just tail ends of stuff. But I will be back on track next week. I'm excited. wooot!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Tetsuo - Iron Man.

I can tell you that I don't think I'll be dreaming about this kind of sex anytime soon ;)

Maybe some of you can get an idea of how strange I really am though. Here's a movie I came across on T.V. last night. I unfortunately didn't see the whole thing, nor did I watch it to the end. It was pretty late. Nonetheless it is possibly the strangest cult film I've ever seen. This a scene I did see. And it is possibly the strangest in the movie.

Friday, September 4, 2009

On My Own

I have been having been finding it hard to find the time to write anything recently. Partially due to my intense work schedule recently, and partially due to my mood. I've been feeling rather low.

I had an unfortunate conversation with Rob. It was my fault honestly I was in a bad mood and I was being a brat because I never get to see him online. So I was whiny. I should apologize.

I have recently been feeling like I need some time and space of my own. I really think I need time alone from my bf. Since he quit at his job 2.8 years ago he's been home and always around. As much as I enjoy his company, I cherish my time alone and in fact feel much more creative when I'm on my own.

I've been contemplating renting a garage/studio to work in. I'm an artist among other things and I do need the space. unfortunately my schedule often does not allow for entire half days for myself but I would like to try to organize it in such a way that I do have that time.

I think I would be happier in general, both at home and at work.

I have also learned that my bf has been thinking about heading home for a week to visit his mother. I am obviously invited, but I may have to politely decline the invitation due to work obligations so that I can have some true alone time at home.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

HNT Normality

All within a normal day in front of the computer ;) nothing contrived, no dressing up. Just me.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Urge

I have this urge.
To walk up to a complete stranger seeing some passing reaction in their eyes, approval, hunger, lust and just acting on it. No words should be uttered. I would walk over, semi confident, not looking the man in the face, but looking down. I would smile to myself as I walked over knowing what was coming. Getting closer I would look up at him and smile. I would back him onto a wall and wrap my hand around his neck at the base of his skull. Pull his head down towards mine and kiss him passionately. Running my tongue lightly over his lips as if I were licking an ice-cream, taking his bottom lip between my teeth lightly, teasing him, and then plunging my tongue into his mouth to explore its depths.
I think it would last a minute or two. He would remain awed, in shock, not knowing what hit him. And I would walk away licking my whiskers, turning my head to see his reaction.

This town is too small for something like that. If I ever visit a larger town on my own, I'll be on the prowl for the right person.

Monday, August 31, 2009


I came across a couple things today I just can't help posting about.

One is Inna Leonova. She was a gymnast who was supposed to go to the olympics and decided to join the circus instead. I saw her number on television this evening and was blown away by her beauty, sensuality and her strength.

Her "costume" is white, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. In the video I found her hair is cropped very short. however in the clip I saw it was long, past her shoulders and she only let it down at the end.

The second video came up while I was looking for more recent videos of Inna Leonova. Strange how such random things come up. But this must be an old grindhouse flick. I know nothing about it. I haven't done any research on it. But it intrigues me.

Completely different, and even contrasting. But that's me. a split personality ;)

Icandothis. I'mnotoverworked...Ijusthavetoconvincemyself.

Ok so I had a rough weekend workwise. I'm exhausted. But the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight. I'm actually in pretty good spirits. I'm not sure how long that will last, but it's good for now.

Update on my online life situation:

Rob sent me an email apologizing for not answering my texts or my email. His mother and sister were visiting. He was going to try to meet me online this weekend but didn't come on.

I've got a new one. He's interesting and in a similar situation to mine, relationship wise. We're similar people, interested in the same things. He's cute and he has a great cock. We can talk easily, as if we've known each other for years. And we've played a few times. It was good. I'll probably write a post on it. I just need to find the time. (I've been interrupted 5 times trying to write this one).

I think I'll end it here and get this thing posted before I get interrupted again.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


I've been feeling down and there are definitely a variety of reasons why.

I've been under a lot of stress due to work. This week has been intense and it won't let up until at least Tuesday. I will be working the whole weekend, including two translations and some physical work on Sunday, which will be hell since it's so hot (35° C), the place I'll be working isn't well ventilated so it's a sauna.

I'm also down because I haven't heard from Robby in a while and I'm wondering if things are dwindling (as I always do when I don't hear from him). I seem to notice a lack of communication of any kind from him. He stopped reading my blog too. But I could just be paranoid or maybe if it is true, if I'm not imagining things, then it's probably destiny, the way it should be.

I just have a hard time letting go. But anyone who follows this blog would know that. I tend to be a whiner and complainer and I've said it all before. I hate repeating myself.

Then there's my health which hasn't been at it's best recently. Summer is usually pretty good for me. But the tail end of this one has gotten me a bit down. Nothing serious, just annoying.

Right... smile....think happy thoughts....to work!!

Friday, August 28, 2009


A dark room, just enough light to cast an almost eerie glimpse of shapes and textures. Shadows exaggerating contours. Skin is visible in a blue gray tinge, making everything look cold and perfect like a statue. You talk to me, whispering in my ear, breathing down my neck. That hot and humid breath I want to drink, that intoxicates me. It is forbidden to make noise, to remove clothes, there is another person present, a person who can't know, who shouldn't know. But things are seen none the less, things are said in silence. I'm wet for you, wanting more of you and you're telling me things I want to hear. You press against me, pull me closer and make me do what I want done. You make me touch myself in places I want you to touch, you make me want you more. When are you going to take me?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Rocco my man

I'm not huge on posting links to porn, but I couldn't resist on this one. Now for those of you who may not know, Rocco Siffredi is an Italian porn star. His cock is huge and amazing. I like the way he treats his porn sluts and you just have to love his accent.

This video got me wet and moaning with an orgasm all in the first minute.

Rocco Siffredi

HNT blues.

It's my favourite blue set. Corsets always turn me on. They're tight, constricting, and push things into the right places.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Filling Empty Holes

What does it feel like to have every hole filled, pussy, ass, mouth, cock in each hand, a cock being stroked in front of my eyes, hands all over me, mouths on my breasts, sucking hard on my cherry nipples? All of them reaching into the shadowy depths of my body, into the soul and secrets of those hidden places. Discovering what demons or angels they bring out in me. What sounds will come out of me? Will I feel everything or will some things overpower others? Will the sensations weave around each other, pulsing into consciousness with the pounding of each member? Or will each sensation be clear and distinct? Feeling myself being covered in hot jizz, rubbing it into my skin to feel it slip and slide over me. I want to go insane and not know what hit me. Fucked senseless would be the right way to describe what I want.


So last night I talked to the bf about the girl he wanted to invite over to dinner. He was somewhat defensive about it and I didn't want to push the argument. I suggested we invite other people over and instead he said that he'd take her out to a restaurant with another friend of his. I found this almost insulting. I wasn't even sure I could believe my ears so I just left it at that and went to sleep.

This morning I brought it up again, I asked him to repeat what he had told me last night, in case I hadn't heard correctly. What I heard was right and I tried to be very patient. I explained that there have been men that I've met in over the years that I found interesting and good looking but I didn't invite them to dinner expecting him to be happy with my decision. He eventually understood my feelings and we opted for a compromise. We'll go out for a walk in the centre of town or catch an evening concert with some other people. We tried to organize a dinner with some friends but no-one else was available. I can handle that.

Apart from all of that, I don't like her much. She's needy and whiny, indecisive and somewhat pestering. Today she got on my nerves and I'm relieved I won't have to deal with her over a dinner.

As for Rob and the shower-cam it seems that he wasn't available yesterday. It'll have to be for another day. Pity.

I'm also thinking about HNT and wondering what I should do.
I hope I can get something up for tomorrow...

Any requests?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Why am jealous of her?

I work with foreigners. People who aren't Italian, speaking from Italy. Since my boyfriend quit his factory job two years ago due to the dangers of working there he has been doing odd jobs around town.

One job is taxiing the foreigners that I work with. He taxis them from nearby airports to the town where I live and work. They are often women, alone. This generally doesn't make me anxious but this week it did.

He came home raving about her. He told me that they spoke a lot during the drive (2 hours long), he said that she knows everything about us, mentioning offhandedly that she's pretty and she travels a lot and that she's been to India, a place we're planning on visiting this winter.

This put me on edge. I met her yesterday, she's not as pretty as I expected, although she has a nice body. curvaceous, straight blond hair, big boobs. I'm not terribly attracted to her face. In fact I'd define her almost ugly. Now don't get me wrong, she's not an ugly woman, I just don't like her aesthetically. Now I'm not completely bi, but I do like some women, I feel attracted to some of them, but this is not one of them, she wears entirely too much make-up for my tastes, and I find her invadingly too nice. I'm also honest enough that if it had been a beautiful woman I would have said so. There's another young woman this week who is gorgeous. I'd even fuck her. She's young though.

This evening my bf told me that he wants to invite her to dinner. I'm not exactly wild about the idea. In reality I'd rather avoid the whole thing. I don't mind going out, especially with other people involved, but to invite her to eat at our place... um no.

I'm supposed to invite her tomorrow. ugh. I didn't have the courage or the heart to tell him that I don't want to invite her. I'll probably find the courage though, I feel pretty strongly about it. Or maybe I'll suggest we invite other people too.

He also has to drive her back to the airport on Saturday. That bugs me too.

shiny new things.

I want to try new things.

The thought of two men entering me arouses me immediately. Especially if one fucks me from behind and the other fucks my face. Just having fingers in my mouth while I get fucked turns me on. I can't imagine how I would feel with a whole cock in there. I'd like to try DP too. I'm just not sure I can handle it.

I like anal when it's done well. Slow and calm. Relax, slide in, bit by bit, and when all the muscles are relaxed then things can start to go faster. My Bf and I occasionally do anal. I consider it a bit of a exceptional gift to give. I've really enjoyed it only a handful of times. Once I even reached orgasm. I need to have the perfect combination of stimuli to the clit otherwise it won't work.

Today I want to have a shower on cam for Robby. I'm not sure if it'll work out. But I would like to try.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Sucking the Bucket

Bladder infections suck the bucket.

I got one late last night. I drank 4 litres of water in about 2 hours along with a much cherished carton of cranberry juice (we can't get it here, it's rare). I thought it was done, over, cleared up. I woke up this morning feeling horrible and went to work anyhow. For some reason I almost lost my voice this morning, which is a problem, if I don't have a voice I don't work. Went home and realized I had a low fever, I downed another 4 litres of water and an antibiotic.

I'm starting to feel better. My head is still aching, but fever seems to be down again.

I wish I could play. I'm still horny, I just can't play. :(

On the up side I caught Rob on line today. It was short but fun. I told him that I wanted to play a new game on line. It's a surprise and I'll definitely be posting about it as soon as it happens.
I joked about us hitting new levels when we cyber on line, like a game. He mentioned that the next level was the hardest. It's the level where we really fuck.
Is he up for it? Yes.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Lives of Others

I have stumbled into the lives of a few new people recently.

Today on Justchat I picked up a few hoping to get someone interesting. After a few trial and errors (mostly guys with no cam, pretending to have one) I found a nice guy. It started out tame. I like the initial tease. The subtle conversation before the storm. He showed me his pets, we talked about work. It was a slow build up.
Then I told him that I wanted him to take control, he just kept grinning at me. That was my cue.
I teased him, showed him... today I was feeling generous, I usually don't strip down completely on the first cam date. But I did for him. Maybe I was just too horny.
I liked him, because he was cute and seemed genuine, honest and fun.

Life n.two was a guy I met a while back on Justchat. He had no cam at the time, we exchanged pictures and I usually don't go for that kind of thing, but I waited it out. He got a cam. And sure enough we played today. It was the same routine as above. I let him take charge.

Often I like to play games, tease, and taunt even. But recently I feel the need to be dominated and used. So I guess that's what's happening on msn too.

I have to admit that I like new people on cam, but I prefer guys who know me better. Know what I like, what I want to hear, what turns me on. I like guys who are vocal, who speak about what they want to do to me, their fantasies on my skin.

The third life was an email I found in my in-box today from an anonymous reader. He seems very eloquent and I'm enjoying the flirt. I'm not sure where it's going, but I'm intrigued for now.

The fourth life was another email, this time from a fellow blogger. It was a simple greeting and invite. We'll see where that takes me.

I'm also happy to say that Rob dropped by today on msn to say hello quickly while his gf was upstairs. It was quick, but just enough to give me a giant grin.


Alright something has to be said about this!

First of all, apart from the obviously sexual name of the band, did you notice his amazing spastic dancing? Totally worthy of "Soul Train". If you don't know "Soul Train" please look it up on Youtube, I was enlightened by my sister recently. I am now a devoted fan.

Secondly, did you notice the singer with the stethoscope around her breasts? She has an orgasm halfway through the song!?!?!

His pants are epic. They are suuuper tight at the top, like a corset. Oh and they come up to his chest, and then they gradually taper out to be massive bellbottoms!!

Now THAT is music!!

Heads up for Boney M.

Make me gag

I'm horny as hell again and I've been having good sex with the bf recently.

I had a pretty good cyber moment with Chicken today. He told me all about what he wanted to do to me. Pull my hair, force his cock into my mouth, make me gag on his huge cock head in my throat, make me suck his balls, tie me up, bend me over, spank me. He said that I'd stretch his imagination. He called me a dirty bitch, and I liked it.... it turns me on, just like being called a slut does too.

I want to be used and abused (all within reason of course).

Bf doesn't seem to get how much I want to be forced around. I've tried to tell him, hinting at it, but he's too shy I think. He got the spanking bit, but that's about it. I even tried to convince him to take pics of us fucking. But he said no. I'll try asking him again, or just bring the camera myself.

He's out for the day today, so I'll have lots of time to play.
Rob doesn't seem to be around, I'm not sure if he's on holiday or what, but he hasn't answered any of my text messages since I was on holiday.

I might have to go on to justchat to see what I can find. No-one is around to play when I've got the time and I'm this horny.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Belated HNT

Seeing as i was too tired and bf was home on Thursday when we got back from Croatia, I thought I'd post some HNT pics today. In the top there are some tan lines visible. I posted two again. I can never decide which one to post I always do a few to see which is best.

Sex in alternative places.

I've got a crush on lists at the moment so I'm going to write a list of places I've had sex and done other sexual acts.

-I gave an over the jeans hand job in a church once.
-Had sex in a forest, on the ground. Not comfortable.
-Had sex on a tropical beach at night. Sand gets everywhere and chafes, not to mention the sand flies that ate me alive, not fun.
-Had sex on a total stranger's boat, he wasn't there, we sneaked on to the deck.
-Had sex in my mother's garage.
-Had sex on a table (various times)
-Had sex on a beach in public, during the day, with beach towel, less sand chafing.
-Had sex in a car (various times) generally not a comfy thing.
-Had sex in the sea.
-Had sex in a rubber row boat
-Had sex in a wildlife watch tower.
-Had sex on a wooden dock at night, with falling stars, (it would have been romantic if the guy hadn't been such a jerk).

I think that's it... how boring is that? haha
I think I need to write another list of where I'd like to have sex.

-On a plane
-On a dryer or washing machine during the spin cycle.
-In a church, in the confessional
-in a garage up against a car.
-Any place public
-A castle
-An elevator
-In a room full of mirrors
-At a concert
-In an orgy
...I'm not feeling very imaginative today...

Any suggestions?

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I'm finally back.

We had a very nice holiday. It was four days of almost total and utter isolation camping. No running water or bathrooms, just the sea, a tent and some other people around... haha, Europe is crowded, you're never alone.

The next 6 days were spent in a tiny fishing village on the coast of Croatia, It was super small not even an internet cafe. So alas no internet.

I got to a larger town on Thursday and published the scheduled posts that didn't post for a reason I understood and kicked myself for later. I had been using the European date system and not the American one. So I had the month where the day should be and vice versa.

I got to swim with a wild dolphin, he didn't come too close, but I managed to get a good look at him with my mask for about 5 minutes as he swam about playing with fish. He didn't look too hungry, he was just chasing them around. It was probably the most spectacular part of my trip.

The sunsets were amazing I'll have a pic or two to show if it's not too boring.

It's nice to be back. I did miss everyone here and Rob... but I survived ;)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A List

What turns me on.

-Holding a stranger's gaze sends a wave of butterflies into my stomach.
-a touch on the neck.
-a brush of a strand of hair.
-a massage
-a tease
-slow deep kissing
-watching people draw
-tight clothes
-the heat
-short skirts
-sucking nipples
-sucking cock
-tasting myself
-tasting sweat
-erotic dancers
-high heels
-anything in any hole
-back and spine
-rips in jeans
-more teasing
-did I mention teasing?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sex From the Past IV

When I was around 15, I was seeing a guy that I had quite a bit of experience with. He broke me in, but not with his cock. He had long agile fingers, and one evening in the back seat of his parents' car, (with his mother and father in the front), he fondled me until he broke the hymen. I bled a little, I had no idea I had just lost my virginity to his hand.

I also gave my first blow-job to the same guy. He asked me to go down on him, so I did. It was the very first time I had actually seen cock. I laughed. (oops). Not the greatest thing to do to a young guy. I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. It was just...strange looking. He was obviously self conscious, but I carried out my deed. All went well after that. I also apologized for laughing and explained the situation. He forgave me.

The year after that I met my first official boyfriend. We were together for a year. I was 16 and he was 18. It wasn't legal. But both our parents were at ease with the situation. I was fairly open with my parents and eventually my mother asked if I was having sex and I said no, but that we would probably soon. And I asked her to take me to a clinic o get birth control pills. I started sleeping at his house and we had set up a nice evening to have sex for the first time together. Candles and all. He had never used a condom before, and I was on birth control that was making me throw up every morning. He couldn't get the condom on. He was embarrassed to say the least and got frustrated but he managed and the sex was mediocre. At this point, I still hadn't had a single orgasm induced by another person yet.

I honestly don't remember my first orgasm with another person. I think it must have been with this last guy. But really it wasn't that memorable. Perhaps I had had so many self induced ones already that I didn't pay much attention to it.

When I broke up with my first official bf I went to Mexico for a month with my sister. I was still 16 and she was about 22 and we were both wild. We drank, smoked pot and had sex with just about anyone we met. I think I "limited" myself to about four guys on the trip. The first was a freaky Italian guy. He refused to use protection and I ended up having to take the morning after pill ( had gone off the pill for making me thow-up)... although he never came close to cumming, I got away asap when I realized he didn't have a condom on.
He was HUGE though. I remember him having to lift me way up to get me down his shaft. He must have been 7 or 8 inches long.

Another guy had a stamina that was incredible. Too much in fact. I came and just wanted it to end. I think it was about 2 hours long... I was drunk and couldn't really handle it. My sister was also in the room. We didn't really have any problems, she did her thing, I did mine, in about the space of a closet.

The other two were special, I didn't have sex with either of them. One was from NY and I was in love with him. I honestly fell for him. I have thought about him, and looked him up a few times, but i never knew his last name.

It sounds superficial but I fell in love with the other one too. I still wonder where he is. We kept in touch via regular post for a week and then I never heard from him again. But He wrote me poetry and love letters.

I think he may have become a short film producer.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sex From the Past III

My first experience with a boy sexually was when I was about 13. At my junior high school we had two temporary gymnastics instructors come to teach. They both flirted like hell with the girls in the classes. One was quite cute, the other was fun but less attractive (in my eyes).

I kept pretending to have problems with my cartwheel and the cute one would continue to help me. Then, I'm not sure how it happened, but he eventually invited me to his apartment. I was pretty excited about the idea. I had only ever kissed a guy once or twice before and this one wanted me at his place, he was about 18 or 19 and lived with his other instructor friend.

I decided to accept, and I asked my best friend if she could come with me. I didn't want to risk anything stupid happening. We somehow organized the whole thing and went over.

Nothing happened there. It was a totally bland afternoon except for the minor understanding of who this guy was. He had a strobe light and a mirror on the ceiling.

A few weeks later, we got in touch again, and he ended up inviting himself over to my place while my mother was away.

This time he got his way. Again nothing serious. Dry humping was all he got. I wouldn't let him take off his boxers although I was down to just my undies. nothing else on. It hurt more than anything, I didn't really enjoy the experience. It just kinda chafed. I was afraid and worried more than aroused.

The next experience was with a guy I really liked. Sometime around the year after. I had gone up to his cabin with some friends of mine and we managed to grab some space to ourselves when no one noticed. We fondled, he was an amazing kisser, and this was the first time I touched cock or had someone touch me. I was really enjoying it when his sister walked in on us and immediately called us to attention and outside. I'm not sure what would have happened if we had been left on our own.

I still remember my reaction to having touched him... I smelled my hand. Nothing. No overtly strong smell. Not like touching pussy. I washed my hands and made my way outside.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

the night

The night
of the scent of you
on my skin
leaving your touch
your breath
your electricity
imprinted into my being
feeling you inside me
sliding in and out of my body and mind
slipping through the holes that give you space
how could I forget a night like this
a night that keeps me wanting
for that touch
that breath
that electricity

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Concert pt. II

His hands slid over her waist, pulling her towards him, pressing her against himself. She could feel him grow and shift under the layers of skirt and shorts. His breath was closer now, she could feel it on her neck and knowing he could probably hear, she moaned in delight of the feeling growing behind her.

His hands started to wander over her body, exploring her ribs, and hips. Adventuring over her back and spine. Brushing over her neck, moving her hair from her shoulder. Her hands were over her head again, giving him the opening to run his hands down her arms and over her breasts. Her nipples were hard and erect, he could feel them through the thin fabric of the tank.

He moved his hands towards the back of her tank again, playing with the string, sliding his hands in between and finally around the sides to her breasts. She wanted more, she guided his hands to her nipples and helped him pinch her. Her head moved back, and she groaned to him.

His hands moved away slowly, teasing her a little, flicking her nipples as he left. They slid down, over her hips, and down to her bare thighs, from the sides around to the front, just under the hem of her skirt. He pulled hard, ramming himself into her grinding into her skirt making it lift slightly. She could feel he was harder now, she could feel his size, and bulk. It pressed in between her cheeks and she was already dripping. Her thong slippery wet. Her hand moved down to meet his, sliding down his forearm feeling his heat. And again she guided him to her wet thong. She moved his fingers over it, letting him feel how wet the thin material was. And this time she could hear him let out a moan of pleasure.

She let go of his hand. She gave him his freedom. Under her skirt, one hand on the side of her ass, pulling her towards him, the other where she left it, planted in the wet fabric, moving slowly to the rhythm of the music over her clit. Her skirt was lifted on either sides but the pleats allowed it to fall both front and back, leaving little to see for people who might glance.

His hand moved from her clit towards the back, she could feel him searching for the string in between her cheeks. He found it and ran his finger under it, pulling it out of her perfect crack. His finger made its way back down to her wetness and she arched her back ever so slightly, giving him more.

his finger hooked around the thong, prodded her wetness, gliding with ease over her clit, around her lips and deep inside her making her shiver. He moved in time with the music, pumping her slowly but deep. His other hand was wrapped around her ribs, pressing her against his chest. His face was planted in her hair, cradled in her neck, and he moaned "I want you" into her ear.
She nodded her head turning her face towards his and said "I want you inside me".