Old Flames

Why are old flames called old flames? Because they can re-ignite really easily, and you can get burned.

I was on facebook the other evening and I commented on an old friend's post. It's a guy I had a huge crush on back at the end of highschool. He was the crazy painter/musician type. He was tall, lanky and in my opinion cute. He was sexy as hell when he played guitar and sang. He had this nonchalant way about him, especially when he played guitar. Moody, dressed in leather... long black hair....
I have a weak spot for artists.

The Facebook story goes that I ended up starting a chat with "Raoul" (that's what he used to call himself). I had already done so, but it was just a "hello, what have you been up to" chat. This time it was intense, it made me break a sweat, it made my heart beat just a little faster.

He said that he had been jealous of my boyfriend at the time. Which to me is crazy because I broke up with that guy and started falling in love with Raoul. And I ended up telling him that I wished he had made a move on me way back. He admitted to kicking himself for not making that move. He said things that made me think he regretted not following through.

Back in that happy past I wanted him pretty bad. I followed him to every concert I could get my fingers on. We hung out a lot. I remember him admitting, at the time, that he would have made a move, except he thought I was too young. I was probably 17 at the time, he was 20.

I even asked him to come to my graduation. He refused, and I asked someone else. Only that the week after that he went back on his decision and accepted. And I couldn't go back on my word with the other guy. Fuck, that stung.

It was summer, just out of school forever. I wasn't signed up at any universities, and I was about to go on a tour of Europe with a choir. This is when Raoul asked me if I wanted to go to Italy with him to study art in an art school there. I accepted. He was serious. But when I told him that it was a real possibility for me, and that I was seriously going to buy a ticket, he backed out.

This is partially why I'm here in the first place. He put that idea in my head, going to Italy and staying to go to art school. He doesn't know that. I managed to keep that detail to myself... for now.

Chatting to him put crazy ideas into my head, how I'd like to meet up with him, have him fuck my brains out softly, I really really desire him. He's still hot, I saw pictures. He does animation for a TV series that I don't remember the name of. He does art shows, and he has become the lead singer/songwriter and guitarist of a new band. He's going into the recording studio soon and he said he'd send me a cd when it's done (somehow I doubt that will happen). He is newly divorced, with a kid.

Oh how I want him....... I always have. When I think about it, I want it so bad it hurts.
I have to stop thinking about it...

Why can't I help dwelling on the past?

Chocolate

Tie me up to enhance my curves, bind me and block me so I can't move.

A cream of chocolate, spread knowingly over my body. The perfume penetrating my nose and boring a hole in my brain. Making our mouths water.

Chocolate mousse soft and light dolloped artfully on each nipple.
Whipped cream, the kind in a can, sprayed in patterns over my tight belly leading down between my legs.
Two lines of chocolate syrup, squeezed directly from the bottle on either thigh, letting it drip and trickle, tickling my thighs, making me squirm, making me want to scratch the itch, making me moan for you to lick and bite it.

Raspberries placed randomly over my surface, waiting to be snatched up. Pass me one from between your chocolate lips. Let me taste the sour juices contrasting the bittersweet chocolate. Let me lick and suck the raspberry from between your sweet lips until I send you back for another one. When they're gone I'll order you to follow the trail of whipped cream to that mysterious place between my legs. Follow the trail of chocolate syrup up my thighs easing my itching pain to finally plunge your tongue into the abyss.
My back unnaturally arched, you are the culprit. Our bodies sliding together the chocolate melting, the smell getting stronger, and covering us both.

Sitting me upright, forcing me to my knees, you order me to lick at you, clean you up with my tongue and lips. You take your rock hard cock in your hand to guide it over my breasts, wiping up the chocolate mousse left there. You force my head down, taking me by my hair, explaining as you do that I've made a mess and I must clean it up. Your hard cock enters my mouth, eager for that chocolaty smooth head. Still guiding my head, you push and pull me by my hair, forcing my mouth over that pulsing member, making the chocolate melt and run down my chin, penetrating my throat, making me gasp for air. The taste of the bittersweet chocolate mixes with a decidedly more bitter taste of that special boiling liquid you produce on your own, spewing down my throat and I'm finally full. After such a long starvation.

Is it you or me?

So what do you do when your partner initiates sex in a way that you often find annoying?

I didn't use to mind the whole way he initiated sex. Recently though it has started to get on my nerves. Ok it's not exactly recent, it's been at least a year.

I never really paid much attention to it at first. I must have been too busy being horny to notice, or maybe things have actually changed.

The ritual goes like this: I'm in bed, or on the couch, relaxing doing nothing specific, perhaps I'm watching TV or sleeping even (let's say his timing is pretty good). He'll snuggle up and make a kind of squeaky noise and rub against my leg. He'll slide his hand down my jeans or pyjama bottoms. Then he'll dry hump my leg and try to work me up.

It doesn't work.
It almost turns me off.
I probably sound like a whiner but I really can't figure it out if it's just me or if it's just plain boring. Maybe I should be trying harder. Often I end up taking control of the situation and jumping on top of him... But I can't rightly do that every single time can I?
Plus if the whole dry humping turns me off, I don't often feel like jumping on top.
I feel like he needs to get some new moves in. Surprise me. Wine and dine me. Grab me while I'm doing something active, while I least expect it. Try kissing my neck or ear or something. Even a kiss on the mouth works. Maybe even talk me into it, whisper something naughty in my ear.

I know. I sound like a horrible girlfriend. I won't be offended if everyone just tells me to get a life and try harder to enjoy it.

He mentioned that it seemed I enjoyed sex more when I initiated it. It's probably true. I probably like it more because I turn myself on.

What's going on?

I've been really ignoring this blog recently and I apologize to any followers who have to stop by often just to see that I haven't added anything.

Things recently have become even more complicated than they were.

As many of you know I'm leaving for a 2 month trip in December. I have all of the preparations for that to take care of but even that was risking getting postponed or cancelled even. My bf's brother was diagnosed with a possible bone cancer. He has had 2 biopsies on his spine and no one wants to tell us what is really going on. We got so worried that we almost decided not to leave. His brother has calmed us for the time being, saying that it's not serious, but to me, cancer is always serious.

Bf's sister in law (the other brother's wife) is still in a psychiatric hospital for the anorexia but she seems to be doing a little better than the last time we saw her. The girls are dealing with it as best they can, but it's very stressful for them. They know nothing of their uncle.

Bf's mother is coming up to this part of Italy to house-sit for us while we're gone. So the week before we leave will be full of things to do for the trip and for her. We'll also have one of the nieces staying here with her to keep her company. But it means a full house before we leave and no time for myself.

Bf is leaving on Monday to get his mother and will be gone for a few days, (until Thursday afternoon) so I will have a little time to get some stuff done. I'm hoping to do some catching up with people and blog alike. But I'm going to be uber busy packing and cleaning before "mother" gets here.

HNT actually on a Thursday!

Today is actually Thursday! haha I managed to get a pic up for HNT today.

Bf is going away for a few days before we leave for a 2 month tour of Asia so I'll be able to get some extra blogging done and hopefully to get some more HNTs.

HNT warming up

Two HNT pics today. I'm trying to make up for my HNT absence as you might be able to tell.

It's winter, it's cold, it's rainy. It was definitely fun taking these in a warm sweater :)

Young love

I think I have figured out why mother nature makes us fall in love prevalently when we are young. As we get older people change. They get more quirky. But that's not the reason why.
The reason why is that we are wiser and notice other people's quirks more. We are capable of recognizing the ones that are dangerous, and the ones that define others as obsessive compulsive, manic depressive or what ever other disorder.
It gets harder and harder to find a long lasting partner as we get older because of just that, we notice their faults more than we did when we were younger.
When you're young and reckless you don't pay attention to details as much, to faults and quirks. When you're older it's often all you notice in a person, the things that annoy you, or just plain piss you off.

What do you think?