Sunday, October 23, 2016


Today I went to a craft fair, got a bunch of scrap fabric, including some stretch lace and made this little crop lace bralette. I'm pretty proud considering it took all of 10 minutes to make, and it cost me about 50 cents. 

I've been super busy and stressed this week, almost to the point of tears, today was a good distraction, but I need some good hard, rough fucking, I want bruises. 

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Craving Gratification

You are a constant thought, in the front of my mind today. Usually you reside in the back of my mind. It's an intense desire to know, to understand, to connect. I don't know why it's so urgent. There's no reason for it to be. I'm well and seemingly happy. Perhaps it's because I have too much time on my hands today, or maybe it's because I was talking about you yesterday. And then I look at the pics from our last encounter and they were exactly a year ago, give or take a day. 

I wouldn't attribute the intensity to that, but at least I'm comforted in knowing that it's been a year since we last met and my body and mind still crave you fiercely. I would be content just sitting next to you as you watch tv or play on your phone. I don't need much just a touch, the sparkle of your eyes as I straddle you to interrupt your show, begging for attention. The sensation of your hands as they take mine, leading me toward the bedroom. Your voice as you order me to bend over. 

If you vanished at this point, if the magic spell wore off, I'd still be gratified. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Feeling Better

Yes, my friends, I am starting to feel better. I finally got to see a specialist and got a diagnosis for gastritis. It's apparently a long process to fix it though. I have a couple months of medication plus some testing to make sure there isn't a more serious underlying problem like allergies.

On a somewhat different topic.... After getting fucked silly by Rob on our last encounter I had noticed some changes in my health, they were for the better and I had oddly posited that he/his very large cock may have straightened me out. Maybe this is TMI but my uterus was folded, I had ultrasounds and multiple doctors telling me so.
Last time I went for an ultrasound, trying to figure my latest health issues out, the gynecologist told me that my uterus was normal, the fold was somehow gone. So yeah, I guess I was right.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016


I can't seem to get better. I finally got some tests back and other than my usual kidney stones I don't seem to have anything, the H.pylori test came back negative. Typical. Story of my life. Maybe it's just the combination of kidney stones and my fibromyalgia that just don't mix. Hard to say. I thought I had gastritis, but my symptoms could be caused by the kidney stones, yet the ultrasound technician said it wasn't that. The stones aren't big enough. 
So then my hypothesis is that the food poisoning I got in Panama came back... 
I'll head to a gastroenterologist nest week if this doesn't clear up. 

So yeah fun stuff. 

Other than that no news.  

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

I'm not dead!

So yeah I've been neglecting the blog and I apologize for that.
I have a series of excuses but in reality there is no excuse. I should be trying to post more often.

1) I have been crazy busy. Co-W was away for one of our busiest weeks at the art school, my boss was a nightmare to work with.

2) It's September and I teach English so I have a buttload of new and old kids (and adults) who are starting lessons right now.

3) I have not been well at all. I haven't been well for somewhere around 3 months. At the moment I think it's kidney stones but there are other issues I'm desperately trying to sort out as well. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for an ultrasound and I have test results coming in next week to see if I have helicobacter and peptic ulcers (dread dread).

4) I have been spending all my free time with the bf or working on art rather than on the computer.

Rob asked me to create something artistic for him which I did and thoroughly enjoyed. I had to use quill pens and fountain pens and calligraphy which I haven't done in years. Plus I got to buy shiny new art supplies, so I have been sucked into the vortex of a new technique and have been entirely too enthralled by that. When I'm feeling well enough I sit and draw or paint or whatever you want to call this technique with a quill pen and beautiful gold ink. Good fun.

5) I haven't had much to say over the past while. But this is not a valid excuse, writing begets writing so I should simply do more of it.

6) when I do find some time to write I'm feeling lazy and would rather watch a TV show (also not a valid excuse).

So there it is, my valiant return to the blogworld. I hope all 4 of my readers are well.

I will be back sooner this time.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Hi! Hello! Hey!

Yep, I'm back.... here on the blog I mean. I got back from holidays a while ago now but I've been busy. That's not to say that I haven't had time to blog, I probably have, I've just been using that time in other ways.Work, beach, boyfriend.

First things first. How did the holiday go?
It started off terribly. We had a massive argument on day two. I think It was a combination of things, a lot of which was me still being really angry at him and not able to let things go. Every little thing seemed personal. If he ignored my street directions while he was driving I just automatically assumed it was because he didn't think my map was good enough, or that my directions were correct... There was some of that I think, I mean after I mentioned it to him, after the argument, he got much better at taking directions from me.TBH I can't even remember the rest of the argument but it lasted 2 full days. I remember one thing though that really made me angry and the reason why it lasted 2 days instead of just one and a half. On day two I came up to him and said, "do you want to talk?" and he refused. This was after a full day of cold shoulder. I personally have never sent him away if he wanted to talk. I have asked to put off a conversation because I had to work in 20 minutes and didn't want to get into anything, but I have never downright refused to talk to him if he came up to me.

So that day, I left, I went on a tour of the city we were staying in, alone, and had a lovely time. I took pictures and shared them on social media, I visited a castle and its herb garden, I had expensive iced coffee in a fancy café that he'd never have done with me (he's cheap, I don't mind most times but sometimes I like to treat myself), I had a grand time.

The rest of the holiday went really well. It is a beautiful part of the world and the beaches are especially spectacular, and I've seen some amazing beaches, Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia, but these were right up there with the best of them for beauty.


So what else is up... 
I haven't been well. Even while on holiday I was not well. I have been slightly unwell for about 3 months now. I don't know what's going on, I had blood tests done and nothing much showed up, so now I have to get a couple other things checked to see what's going on. I think that's another reason why I've been so quiet recently. If I am home alone, which has been rare recently, I have been nursing a sore stomach or something. So a lot of laying around watching movies, laying on the beach, hanging with friends and yeah quite a bit of work too. 

Today is the first weekend since we got back where the bf is working so I'm home alone. I got a couple texts off Rob today. But apart from that nothing else is going on. It's really super tame around here.

Last week at work, on Friday morning I wore shorts to work, I wear shorts to work often, it's not a new thing, but Co-W must have been horny because he looked at me from behind and growled "tight", (it wasn't a reference to my shorts being tight either (they weren't), but the word is used only in connection to muscle and tone). He then made huffing/grunting noises like an animal and mumbled something about my legs.

So yeah, that's my post holiday update! I hope everyone out in cyber-stalking-space is good.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Addressing the Issues

The bf and I had a talk.
I wasn't sure how it was going to go. I was so nervous before the conversation that I felt sick. He just texted me and said that he'd be coming over at 2:30. I had some fear that he was going to outright break up with me. I had my own doubts whether I'd break up with him. I knew that if our conversation was ugly I would be the one to say it was over.

The conversation, however, was not what I expected. There was more arguing, more discussion, more explaining but no tears or explosive anger from the previous conversation.

In the end he did not apologize and I accepted this fact. We are still together.

There is no decent explanation I can give to explain my choice except that the bf doesn't often try to dictate what I do. This was close to a first... I can't say for sure it was the first time but in the 18 years that we've been together I don't remember another time clearly. The fact that it came out as an order was not deliberate, or if it was deliberate, he certainly won't be trying it again after what just happened.
He could have worded things differently. He could have suggested rather than ordered, he could have asked, he could have expressed his concerns or doubts differently. I reacted to his words and the situation degenerated.

I will obviously be on the lookout for signs. I am in a constant state of questioning my relationship right now, and this seems to be a cycle I go through. There are ups and downs and I guess this is a down.

I appreciate each and every comment my friends/readers have left here: Canuck, Peter, Johanna (so happy to hear from you!), Lee, Anon1 and 2 whoever you are.  I know that my sticking with him may exasperate some of you. I don't know if it's the right choice. I truly don't. But for now, it's what's happening.

We're heading on holiday for 10 days. I'm hoping to see my stress levels melt. I feel like the internet, this country and reality is just really getting in the way of my happiness right now. I need to get away from it.