Saturday, March 31, 2012

Getting there.

Rob and the Trip
I have been rushing around, working, but also getting ready for the trip in April. As it draws closer I get more excited. I stop mid action to think about it often. I find myself thinking about a lot of things. But overall it's mostly daydreaming about what we'll do.

Rob recently got me to download a little game that I am loving. It's a free app called Drawsomething. You draw something and the other person has to guess what it is. It's funny, cause I get to watch him draw, every stroke is recorded. I have a few games going with other people, people I don't know. But with him I love to watch his drawings grow. They make me laugh. Good fun.

All sorts of things run through my head though.....

I've recently discovered that a woman is split into two selves. One that is hungry for passion, sex, often hard fucking, the wild animal side. The other half is hungry for the romance, the emotions, the love, the late night conversations and feeling wanted.

I think it's hard for a man to satisfy both of those women. It's hard for them to know when a woman wants one thing over another. And women tend to expect men to just "know" when to be romantic as opposed to fucking her brains out.

Fibro meds
I seem to be assimilating the Fibro medication better. Although my mouth feels like a desert almost constantly. I have been drinking litres and litres of water. I have been taking it for a month now. I talked to my doctor who suggested halving the dose which I am starting this evening.

The nice thing is that I am feeling better all round. I haven't had any of my usual cramping in the morning or any other time to be honest. I seem to have a little more energy. Although there are times, especially in the afternoon where I really feel like I need a boost. I can't drink coffee so I lean heavily on tea and dark chocolate.

I'm still having a hard time getting up in the morning, but that is both due to the meds but also the time change that we had last week.

The weather has been spectacular recently, HOT and sunny. I have been sitting out in the sun a lot, getting a bit of early tan :) I love the sun. It relaxes me to no end. I never get terribly dark, but it's nice to have that golden tinge rather than the pale winter skin.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Trip Trip Trip

I'm exhausted. I've been taking the fibro meds now for over two weeks and I feel worse than when I started. Maybe it's just one of those days. But today my mood is terrible and I just feel like I'm going to fall over if the wind blows me in the wrong direction.

I went to a public office to ask about funding for my (hypothetical) business and the whole thing got me in this mood. Or maybe it was Bf's participation that got me here. The meeting wasn't actually all that bad except that it confused me and I probably realized that the whole thing is much more complicated than I thought it was.
Whatever.... the funding exists but I have to go back in May, that's when they know how much money is available and for how many businesses.

Rob and a new Trip to LONDON
I'm booking my trip to London this week. I've been having a hard time with that too. Every time I try to book it, something comes up around the dates and I have to move the trip around. Whether it's BF complaining, my job, Rob going away or my friend in London going away or whatever... It's no-one's fault directly, it's just complicated.

So I've pretty much decided on the 17th of April. That's less than a month away. Rob and I will meet up for our 3rd time and possibly for a whole 2 days and nights this time. I smile every time I think about it. The fact that he was the one to suggest two days makes me swoon... ok maybe not swoon, but it makes me really happy. I'm really looking forward to it.

He said that we'll probably meet on the 22nd of April.

I have some mixed feelings about this trip. I'm not sure why. I haven't really dug down deep enough to understand why yet and I'm not sure I really want to. But the surface feeling that I keep pushing away is that perhaps (quite possibly) I'm getting into deeper waters, deeper than either of us might be able to handle. I don't want to think about it. I think, though, that the last meeting was also riddled with similar emotions, but the unknown was strongest. This time I know EXACTLY what I'm getting into so the mystery of "what's to come" isn't veiling all the other emotions.

Co-W is one of the reasons my trip might have been moved. I talked to him today on the phone and it wasn't an easy conversation.
Let me start by saying that I wasn't calling him. I called the girl that I work with to ask her whether she would be around for those weeks. She was with Co-W and when she asked me where I was headed he piped up with "can I come?"... I shrugged off the comment without answering really. When I finally got him on the phone it turns out that he is heading off to do a job during the same period that I'll be away. That would leave the studio with 9 students to deal with possibly without me or him around. This could cause some difficulties.
In the end I got a bit frustrated with him because he couldn't pinpoint whether he would have to be away during that time or not and he ended up telling me to book it anyhow and he'll deal with things when they come round.
Truth be told I've been talking about this trip for over 6 months, and I have been saying it will be in Spring... so he acknowledged that and told me to do what I thought was best.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Moving forward?

Things are moving forward on all fronts. Although I don't know where they are going exactly. At least I feel like things are not stagnant.

Bf is getting his exams done to get his new job on the go. I'm proud of him, but at the same time I don't know how easy it will be for him to get work. Without getting into too much detail due to the whole public blog problem I'll say that his career move is very tightly connected to my own work. To be clear I work a few different jobs one (where co-worker works) is with tourists and bf has hinged his career on ours. Except my boss is having to make cutbacks due to the world economy and both Co-worker and my other colleague are thinking of backing out. If they back out, I won't be staying and I think the business will then just peter out. I'm worried that bf relies on that a little too much.

Me and work
I love my jobs, especially the one where Co-worker works, I really do, but a lot of me is staying for the art, and part of me is staying for co-worker. 
Where I'm headed though is into a possible business venture. Opening my own business. Next week I go into a meeting to see about EU grants. If it goes as I think it does I may end up leaving my current job to do something of my own. I don't have my hopes too high, but I am relatively wound up about it. I like the idea to an extent.
As for my fibro and muscle relaxants I feel like the meds have settled a little bit, but at the same time the smallest slip up, like an afternoon nap has my blood pressure plummeting and me being jumpy, dizzy and on edge.
I will probably book my tickets to London this week. 

We had a wonderful little exchange yesterday. The whole little affair had me trembling, grinning and giddy. It wasn't anything that anyone might call incredible, but it was all mine and filled me with warm fuzzy. lol.

I saw him yesterday. When things happen they all happen at once. It was nothing special, except that we didn't really look each other in the eyes. He did stop in front of me to ask me the correct pronunciation of a word and blathered on about a song in the movie Juno. It was one of those scenes that you'd see in a movie where the guy goes on talking almost uncomfortably embarrassingly. It only strikes me now that I'm writing about it. 
Apart from that, there was absolutely nothing. All I wanted to do was send a text. But I didn't. 

The Italian
We never did hook up the weekend he was here. And I do want to meet him. I want to see him. But I needed a little more forewarning. I just needed to work out the details in advance.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Common musings

The days have been dragging on even if it's spring here. The weather has warmed up just enough to be able to enjoy being outdoors but I've been out very little compared to what I'd like. I tend to limit myself to my own patio, soaking up the warm rays of the sun. Recharging my batteries.

I talked to Rob for a little bit at the end of last week, around Thursday. And I thought I was going to see Co-worker on Friday but that didn't happen. I haven't seen Co-worker at all in ages. I did talk to him on the phone last Monday but it was purely work.

My doctor put me on some muscle relaxants. I started them Friday eve. Saturday my blood pressure crashed and burned in the afternoon. Possibly due to the meds, possibly due to overheating and oversleeping. I was barely able to move. Bf got me some black tea and some chocolate and that seemed to boost me a little.

There was a strange series of events yesterday. I got a chat from the Italian guy saying that he'd be in my area this weekend until Tuesday. We had a brief chat on Saturday evening and I honestly wanted to go to see him today (Sunday). We had it all worked out, except I hadn't had time to work any excuses out with BF. That evening I planned on telling BF there was an art show I wanted to see in a nearby town, but when push came to shove, BF insisted that we go to a different town to take a jacket back that he had bought for me.

End of the story is that we didn't go to take the jacket back. I was feeling too weak from the blood pressure collapse from yesterday and ended up taking it easy at home. It was frustrating knowing that I could have taken the day to go to see the Italian instead.

If only I'd had just a little more warning I'd have set up a day to go out of town without bf and this way bf wouldn't have insisted on going somewhere else. Technically I still have monday and tuesday to organize something, but I'm working on both those days.

Gah. So frustrating.