Slut

On our last encounter there was a moment when we were on the couch at the penthouse flat he had one hand under my ass filling my hole and the other from the top working my clit. His mouth was on my ear, licking, biting, kissing, and he whispered all sorts of filthy things to me. This is something that made me cum so fast and so hard that I barely knew what hit me.

"Slut". It's a word that he uses with me and for some reason I can't get enough of it. It's a word that feels unbelievably sexy with him. Maybe it's the way he says it, his accent or simply the feeling he infuses into it. It rolls off his tongue easily, comfortably, and without judgment. When he says it I feel like I belong to him, that I'm his. It counter intuitively makes me feel good because in reality it's a word that should incite filth. And it still does to a degree, but a private, secret filth that is just ours, and that makes me feel incredible. If anyone else used it with me it would sound strange. It would potentially feel uncomfortable.

If any of you are still keeping up, before I broke up with the BF, my sexual desire was below zero. I went from having daily orgasms, a few years ago to once a month, at most. Now, I'm back to daily and often more than once a day. I feel like me again. I'm back.
He has definitely awakened a beast. I just want more and more.

2018 trip to the UK with Rob

Hi
I guess this is what I've been reduced to... updating a couple times a year.

BF - breakup
Things have been going surprisingly well since the breakup. I can't say it has been easy. There were a lot of frustrating things and difficult situations. They still happen from time to time. The bf has been by a couple times, we've talked on the phone a bit. It's so familiar and easy that it's sometimes a little to easy to get caught in the trap of just falling back into routines. I try to keep my distance, he wants to be closer. He has mentioned that he wants to phone me more but I stayed away from the topic.

ROB
On a brighter note I went to see Rob in the UK. It was a great trip in some respects. Rob was the first part of a longer trip. I really enjoyed seeing him. It was one of our favourite trips I think. There was a lot of good sex. There was a lot of good head, at least that's what he says. I may have spent hours on his cock, specifically with it jammed down my throat. There was also some great socializing and wonderful moments out in the real world. We went to a small jazz concert in a pub near where we were staying. The evening was really special. I know that sounds cheesy but it was really an evening that I'll never forget. Great music, wonderful atmosphere.

The rest of the trip was good but unusual. I can't really put my finger on what it was that was weird about it either. I just know it didn't feel right, not that it felt wrong... it just felt different than it normally does when I travel to the UK by myself. Usually I feel comfortable and at ease with myself. This time I felt out of place. I felt like I didn't fit in. I wanted to go out and have fun but instead I stayed in my flat watching Netflix in the evenings. In the day I wandered aimlessly. 
I often felt lonely, really lonely. I wanted to meet people but I felt incapable of even that. Perhaps part of the issue was that I chose to stay in an Airbnb when I usually stay in hostels where it's so much easier to meet people. One moment stuck with me, it was unintentional flirting. I happened to make eye contact with an American guy on a bus in London. We would occasionally make eye contact throughout the ride, I even contemplated staying on the bus to see where they were going. In the end I got off at my stop but our gaze held even as I was off the bus. He craned his neck to see me walk away once off the bus. I looked back to see if he was looking. This whole interaction cheered me up to no end. I thought about it a lot and felt good about myself.

I guess after 20yrs with someone, I'm totally out of touch about how to flirt with guys. I haven't done it in so long, not in person. I've always resorted to doing whatever flirting online.

On my return home Rob and I have had an intense groove on. I guess there had been a lag in our connection before we met up... not a lag... rather a reduction (logical, since we hadn't met up for 4 years). When I got home we went through and perhaps still are going through a period of intense communication and sexual desire for each other. We have had some nights together on Facetime, and some really nice conversations about how we feel about each other. I melt for this type of interaction. It's where I get a lot of fuel. Internal, external, sexual, and artistic.

There is a 'BUT'.... and it's that I'm single and supposedly open to new relationships. I'm not consciously going to turn down opportunities. I'm currently not actively looking for anything but when I go out I find my eyes wandering. I haven't seen anyone that interests me in the least. It's actually hard to find people my age who are decent citizens. The guys I see that I'm physically attracted to look like they might be drug dealers. Rob is worried that I might sabotage my chances of finding someone because of him. I have thought about that a lot. I'm not sure that it will happen. I imagine it's possible but I hope to find someone that really blows me away. Someone that would distract me enough.... but distract me enough for what? Will I ever stop things with Rob? I don't think I'd be able to. I think there will always be a connection there. Things may dissipate but I don't think they'll ever go away.

Then there's the fact that I find myself trying to figure out guy's ages. I find that I'm rubbish at gauging age now. I find myself looking for someone that looks like Rob, but where I live that's pretty much impossible. So there's that unconscious issue there.

That's enough rambling for now. Hopefully it won't take me so long to update.... no promises.