Saturday, February 18, 2012

OMG! WTF? Co-Worker TXT... and the Mosuos

To major things happened yesterday afternoon/evening They may seem insignificant to an outside observer, but they made a huge impact on me.

One was a text conversation with co-worker. It was a total of 6 messages but extremely revealing.

They went something like this (the conversation was held in a mix of Italian and English, mostly Italian for him, and mostly English for me but we did combine sentences of both):

Him: I've been dreaming about you recently :-/ (Italian)

Me: Good or bad dreams? I have to admit you've made an appearance in my head recently too. (Italian)

Him: Really sluuuurpy dreams! (here slurpy is an italian steal from comics, meaning yummy), I was tempting you, I'm in your thoughts, you came to Corfu, you work where I work, you made snow sculptures, Stop it. (Italian)

Me: I can't stop... part of me wants you... slurpy is good though. (English)

Him: While they are dreams.. reality is intriguing but we are good...right? Mmmm Slurpy, have a nice nite... because the night... ... (Italian)

Me: Hm good? I'm not sure I am... but yes the night....I'm definitely not good. Slurp. (English)

Ok, so it's just an OMG! WTF moment. After all the ignoring and trying to forget and no contact and his not answering me and total lack of electronic response to me he comes out with all this?? ok... so moving beyond the surprise he references both that 'famous' text that I sent him a while back basically saying 'you tempt me' as well as my pics on FB with my snow sculptures. So he's been internet stalking like the rest of us.

The whole episode has lifted a massive 1000 ton of bricks from my shoulders. I have been ruminating the whole Greece thing with confusion and some anguish for the past... what? 8 or 9 months? I thought he was angry at me, I irrationally thought he kinda hated me, I honestly thought he was avoiding me at all costs. But now it feels like things are back to normal. I don't have to act on anything, and I probably won't, but I feel better knowing that the attraction is still there for both of us. It's all I really wanted... a little closure, a little admittance, a little acknowledgement, that's all. Phew.

The other thing that might seem even more insignificant is my discovery of the existence of a tribe in the Chinese Himalayas called "Mosuo". They are probably one of the only Matriarchal tribes left in the world. What caught my attention most was what they call "Walking Marriages" where the women sleep with partners when they want and with whoever they want. If she becomes pregnant the child is hers and a family is not created around a mother-father union, rather the family is created through the mother line, everyone born from that mother lives with their mother and if the daughters have children the family gets bigger. The men live at home with their mothers the women live at their homes. Everyone is free.

One of the most important lines from the documentary was "when the love finishes it's time to move on". It's exactly how I'd live. Exactly how I think I'd be if society didn't force women into certain roles. What would society think if a woman just slept with different partners all her life so that she could feel in love all the time? She would be considered promiscuous. But with the Mosuos it's just the way it is, it's the natural evolution of things. The whole goal of the women in that tribe is to feel constantly in love. Isn't that just amazing?

Society today is based on an antique Patriarchal system where men owned their women, daughters were sold into marriage. Maybe it's time to start changing things.
To boot, the tribe doesn't even have a word for war or conflict.

So the impact of this on me was simply a huge sigh of relief, understanding that what I feel would be right for me is actually just part of my nature. I'm not crazy to want to be in love all the time. I'm not crazy to not want a lifelong partner. Serial Monogamy is the 'technical' anthropological term. This is how I could definitely live.


Anonymous said...

You should check out the book Sex at'll find it fascinating.

Cande said...

Anon: Thanks! I will definitely look into that. It does look fascinating. I'm glad someone is writing about this!

Love said...

Nice blog.Read my sexual adventures on

Advizor54 said...

Most people say that the Male/Female family unit is there to protect the family and give it both muscle (men) and nurturers (women) for the benefit of the kids, but this presupposes conflict, danger, a fight for survival, etc, where kids need protection and a warrior chief.

If conflict is lessened or removed, then orgainizing around the women makes more sense, they are less prone to battle and usually are more focused on relationships and security.

I wonder how long the Mosuo have left, not that they've been discovered...