Thursday, August 22, 2013


I am a hypocrite. I've never tried to deny it.

I don't want to confront the bf with my suspicion and have to share my side of things unless he brings it up of course, in which case I'd see how things play out.

To be honest I don't really know whether I'm going to get into things with him or not. I haven't decided. As Advizor says maybe it would just make things ugly and not change anything. I have been tempted to ask him directly, sure, but for now I've simply asked him about his nails.

His answer seemed logical, but there was a hint of floundering when I first asked. I wish I were a human lie detector. I wish I knew Tim Roth... I'd sleep with Tim Roth. Then again Tim Roth reminds me of Rob, it's the accent and well, some of his lines in "Lie to Me".

Back to the story.

So yeah his answer was plausible, but I felt like there was something more to it than that. Fact is, I don't know when bf would find the time or space to actually do anything. He's with me constantly. Maybe it's when I'm out of town that things go down.

To answer all your comments I'm pretty sure I'm ready to hear the answer. Though I'd be devastated, I'm sure, if he were seeing someone else. I don't know that I'm prepared to be honest with him unless he's figured it out himself. Maybe he knows and is just playing along to keep things together.

I wonder sometimes if I'm looking for excuses to break up. Maybe he's doing it to create an excuse to break up... Maybe (likely) my actions in looking for an apartment triggered everything.

You know, his biggest fear when I told him I was breaking up with him a year and a half ago (when I thought I wanted to break up) was not finding someone else. He complained that he was getting old and "who'd he find". That was one of his fears. Maybe that got him looking around.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You said, "I wonder sometimes if I'm looking for excuses to break up."; I think the answer is pretty clear to people who read this blog....YES YOU ARE.

I must have commented a few years ago and it's kinda nuts you're still in this relationship. You don't have kids, aren't married, don't need a greencard or whatever (do you?), and he doesn't seem to have any money.

I don't get it but for me, it's sorta like watching a car wreck, you can't turn away. Oh yeah, and you're hot and write about sex, maybe that's what keeps me coming back :)