Thursday, September 18, 2014

Trust (or my lack thereof)

While spending time with my dad I came to realise a few things.
First of all I've mentioned I live away from my native country, so does my dad, so does my sister. Basically I have no-one left back at home except from some cousins and friends I would call family.
I don't see my dad very often, the last time I saw him was about 3 years ago, and we've gone 7 years without seeing each other except on skype.
During our recent time together he did things that were mildly annoying. Things that if the bf had done them I'd have had a hissy-fit. And they seemingly didn't bother me at all. I laughed about them.

Now I ask whether my non reaction was due to the fact that:
A) He's my father and I rarely see him?
B) Money is always the issue with bf and with my dad it was not an issue?
C) or perhaps, as I may suspect, that I have issues with trusting men and he seems to be the only one I really trust.
D) All of the above (most likely answer)

It's something that's been tickling the back of my mind since I got home. The bf constantly says it, he says that I never take what he says with any value and even I have noticed my aversion to his advice and his suggestions, whereas he says that if my dad tells me, it's like gold to me. It's precious and I'll be damned if someone says it's not true.

Is everyone like that with their parents? 

I had a bad experience with both an ex boyfriend cheating on me and the bf who was hiding a sim card with a bunch of telephone numbers on it of women, text messages and such. It was a very long time ago, but I never trusted the bf after that.

Does the fact that my mother cheated on my father make me project my fears onto my partner and have a lack of trust in the guys I see?

I imagine it's a combination of everything.

I wonder if this is what my main problem is in relationships. I wonder if I have any way of working on this. How do you get over a very general lack of trust in men??

1 comment:

Johanna said...

It could be a trust issue... but it could also be that the bf really isn't who you're supposed to be with in the long run. With me, it's the other way around - with my husband I can accept anything, with my parents I get very easily annoyed - even if the things they do are the exact same things my husband gets away with. Truth is, it can be the exact same things that makes me think of my husband as charming or cute or funny, but when my parents do it I get so irritated that I have to struggle to control myself (and sometimes fail).

But then, my husband has never betrayed my trust. (I have betrayed his, obviously... but as far as I can tell he's not aware.)

My father had an affair when I was young. Strangely, I think I'd find it hard to forgive if it had been my mother. She's a difficult person to be around - my dad is not. Maybe that's why he's so easy to forgive. I understand him and would probably have left my mother a long time ago if I were him.