Sunday, July 31, 2016

Burned

A single innocent comment. Except this morning all the innocent comments were on the cruel side. 
The last one had me in tears. I can't say that I'm perfectly emotionally stable, tears come easily these days. Had it been another day maybe I'd have dealt with it better but not today. 

We're at the beach and I made an offhand comment about not enjoying the constant sound of children screaming. His comment: "you're just envious because you don't have any of your own."
I was literally dumbstruck, I had no sarcastic comeback for him. In these situations I usually try to find something equally mean to say and we laugh about it, this time I couldn't think of anything. Half hour later my brain came up with "It's not my fault you're not capable of having them." 

I spent that half hour leaking tears quietly behind sunglasses and a hat. When he figured out that something was wrong he tried to talk to me, kept asking if I was angry with him. I kept telling him I didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it would have compounded the issue, he insisted on trying though, to the point that he apologized for the comment without me telling him. He figured it out on his own. Except his apology just made things worse and I cried harder. Asking him to please leave me alone. 

Same story as always, the decision of whether or not to have kids was not mine. It was his. I can't say I have a conscious regret of going along with the decision but if I were an external entity observing myself I'd say that I have a buried regret. 

The comment made me angry, it hurt, I found it terribly insensitive. It want intentional though, so what do I do? Ignore it?

Not sure how long it will take me to get over this one. The last comment related to children took me years to digest. I have the feeling this may take a a while. 

3 comments:

Advizor54 said...

It was intentional, it was mean, and it was uncalled for by any sensitive measure of the situation.

He's an ass, and most likely will never change.

So what do we do with buried regrets, those things we can't change?

We face them squarely, and come up with a new plan, with new people, and better friends.

And you learn to be happy with the wonderful, talented, and beautiful person you are today.

Fellow Canuck said...

What a dick.

Fellow Canuck said...

So what happened?