Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Down and Out...

Despite a slew of good things that have been happening around me and for me I'm feeling down. I got a huge tax return of 1000 euros, yay. I got a package from my dad with books, music and movies... yay. I got given a whole bunch of cool broken watches to make stuff with, yay. I got the liquid fimo I was looking for that I was told didn't exist here in my little town, yay.

And yet I'm still feeling down. I wonder if it's like the down after the high of a drug, maybe Rob was my high and now I'm feeling down. Maybe it's just the weather that has been sucking some serious ass lately rainy and cold like winter. Today is the first bit of warm sun I've seen in over a week.

I even went to lunch with friends today, and still couldn't pick myself up. I get the feeling that bf has figured something out. He keeps repeating that I'm tired of him, he says it a few times a week. I nod jokingly and smile, but deep down something isn't right. Things are slowly falling apart, but it's happening so slowly that it's almost invisible. It could take years to degrade completely. I wonder what is best.

Wow, I'm boring. Same old same old.

Here's something interesting... I got an email from the Italian chatroulette guy. He's going to be in the area around the 10th of July... He asked me if I'd be around. I answered that I would but that bf was home and I wasn't sure how to orchestrate a simple meeting for coffee. I honestly just want to meet up for coffee. nothing more. He answered that I should send the bf off on holiday, little does he know about the huge fiasco in bf's life at the moment.
I'm hoping something will work out for a friendly meeting.


Just A. Girl said...

No, you aren't boring. You are just a real person living a real life. This is my first stop by your blog and I'm enjoying it.

Incidentally, I get the feeling of coming down after being with my lover too... even when everything else is going fine.

Advizor said...

I agree with Just A Girl, you are never boring.

Your analogy to a a drug is apt, romance, even on-line, is a strong shot to the system and coming down is hard, like the day after Christmas, no matter how cool the gifts, it's just a downer.

Just stay busy, do some art, get off the computer, get out of the house, even if it's in the rain, and be nice to the BF, use the rain as an excuse to stay inside, make-out, cook naked, and enjoy your time together. Don't put yourself under so much pressure to "decide." Life will take care of itself.

And good luck the the new boy, meeting for coffee, just for fun, is a good first step. Bring the BF along, set it up as a meeting between a teacher and potential student. That could be interesting.

Diner Nighthawk said...

Third for never boring. We keep coming back, don't we?

If he's (or the both of you) are adopting the attitude that it's already over and you're just biding your time until it's official, than it probably very well is. It's just a question of whether of not you want to be in control of the situation, or if you want to allow the situation to control you (if that makes any sense at all).

Cande said...

Just a Girl: Thanks for stopping by! I'm sorry to say I've been slow at keeping my blog up recently so there's a bit of a lag... I'm glad you enjoy it. Hopefully I can keep up better in the next while.

Advizor: Nice to see you can leave comments again ;) And thanks for the not boring... I appreciate the pick up. But yeah it is like a drug... there's no better comparison. It kinda makes me feel like a junkie though...
I'm not sure I'll be bringing bf along to the meeting... I'd rather leave it between the two of us.

DN: Thanks for returning to my humble blog. I'm glad I don't seem boring from the outside, from inside my head it all seems the same.
I don't know if he thinks it's over. He obviously wants to continue the relationship. But he has picked up on my mood... we'll see if I get out of it. Or if I just break it off... sometimes the feelings are so strong to cut loose that I might blurt it out one day, just out of the blue.

Anonymous said...

I think you are boring! LOL

I'm boring, follow me around for a day and you would feel like you are on a roller coaster when you went back to your life.

The BF is probably reading your actions, correctly I might add.

Good luck with the met n greet!

Bunny said...

It's funny how our emotions can leave us feeling like we've been physically traumatized. I hope you feel more like yourself soon. x

Cande said...

Aww Sage, thanks.... I was hoping someone would agree with me. :) I'm not going to make any comments about following you around... it might get me into trouble.

Yes he is probably reading correctly...

Bunny, Yes indeed, I will feel like myself soon, it's always a cycle isn't it...