Monday, June 21, 2010


It's so very tempting...
I'm slowly trying to get myself back into gear with the blog. I've been really bad about updating. I'm sure that my readers have depleted greatly.

I say tempting because the whole reason I was compelled to write here today is because I met up with Rob last night. But I'm going to leave the heart of this story sit for a while. It was an amazing night. I went to bed at 4am. Luckily I don't have to work mornings this week.

I have so many questions, so many doubts, so many things I want to know.

There are things I don't understand.... but I feel strange asking them after knowing him for so long.

I'm heading to London next May for a big concert there. It's a definite date, my friend has already bought the ticket. So that's the excuse. Bf doesn't want to come to the concert. So I'll be on my own.

I just have to figure out the logistics of staying with a friend and trying to meet up with Rob.

Sooo last night. from 11:45 to 4am. Lots of chatting we were both in a good mood, and both talkative. We hadn't seen each other in ages so I guess we had built up a bit to talk about.

He confessed that he kissed a girl in a pub while with "the guys". It was a kind of drunken macho competition. It didn't make me jealous. I'm not sure why. Things like that usually do make me jealous. This story turned me on. It wasn't just an innocent little kiss. It them kissing and her rubbing his cock through his jeans.
He said he was shitting himself the whole time. When she asked him for his number he said he needed to go to the washroom and then took off with his friends.

He also said that he didn't want to tell me about it because he thought my opinion of him would drop. Hah... Fact is that I'd have done worse had I been given the opportunity.

Funny thing is that he said at one point "I've kissed you" to say that I shouldn't be jealous of the girl he kissed because we have kissed.... but we haven't kissed. I was confused and asked him about it. His answer was "we had a little kiss didn't we" (no punctuation in his answer makes it difficult to understand the inflection). I said no, and then he said, "I kissed you on the cheek, doesn't that count?"

I can't figure out if he actually thought we kissed or couldn't remember. It was a strange thing to say... especially when it's all I thought about after our meeting. All I wanted was that kiss, I would have been satisfied for a first meeting with a kiss. But it was left up in the air, we didn't act on our instincts. It took me months to get over the thought of us kissing at the train station or along the canal in Birmingham. It kinda drove me crazy.

We are obviously two different people. We remember different things and elaborate memories differently.  Or maybe I'm out of line completely and he just meant to talk about the kiss on the cheek he gave me as a goodbye. Although I don't really remember it. I mean I remember a hug, I'm not sure there was a kiss there. It was a year ago now. I read back to my "meeting III" post and there's no mention. I may have overlooked it while writing or just hadn't paid attention to it. It's so common to get cheek kisses here in Italy it may not have registered on my brain. I'll try not to dwell on that.

From there on I'm going to leave the memory of last night to myself for a while. It was good. As good as "The Belt" or better, but perhaps too good to spoil on a blog post today. Let's just say that I have memorized the story for future use. I will go back into skype at some point and re-read it too....


On another topic completely. Bf's family situation has not changed much except to say that the nephew went home to pick up some stuff. He had a shower, changed, had dinner and then wanted to walk away without talking. They pleaded him to stay, pleaded him to get some blood tests done. Neither of which he wanted to do. He says he's not stupid, that he smokes the hash, but doesn't do the heavy stuff. He knows what it does to a person he says. He also said it wasn't his stuff. Quoting him, "some guy asked me to take it somewhere for 50 euros, what am I going to do, say no?"

It's hard to know how honest he's being. He has stolen money from the parents, lied, they found him work and he didn't go.... It's frustrating for everyone. The mother is terrified he'll turn up dead somewhere. She's hoping they'll arrest him. He does need someone to scare some sense into him.

I'll be back sooner this time....


Anonymous said...

Sounds like fun. Glad you are back.

Advizor said...

i'm glad you connected with Rob, it sounds like you had a lot of catching up to do, now you have to decide what is going to happen in May. That should make for an interesting blog post.

As for memories, they are strange, we focus on what did, or didn't happen and that becomes the focus of the memory, accurate or not, we hold on to those little tidbits. Maybe he wanted to kiss you so much that he invented the memory to avoid feeling like he chickened out. :-)

And the BF's nephew seems to be deep in denial, and, even if he's telling the truth, it's easy to slip from "carrying it around" to using. And, if he doesn't feel like he can so "no" to being a courier, he may be working with some nasty folks. Best of luck.

Diner Nighthawk said...

Very glad to see you back :) The whole thing with Rob sounds so intense. I can't help but wonder what May will bring... that's almost a year away!

Cande said...

Sage: Thanks hon... it's nice to be back.

Advizor: You're right memories are very strange, however I highly doubt he "thinks" he kissed me... I think he doesn't remember. I have serious doubts that I'm "special" to him at all... except that a 5 hour conversation kinda nulls that idea doesn't it...

DN: I know!!! A whole year.... ugh... he says to be patient... hmmm