Thursday, May 2, 2013

Birthdays and Arguments.

It was my birthday last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Bf took me to a nearby town to wander during the day. He let me choose what to do the whole day, no complaints. We went to a museum I've been dying to get to for years and we ate at a little greek takeaway place... mmm love greek food.

That evening he had to work but he said he'd be home by 9 (an hour early) to take me out to dinner. Before he left he told me that a friend of ours was going to stop by at 8 to drop something off. I worked an hour and then jumped into the shower at 7 just before 8 I was still in my housecoat with a towel on my head so I jumped into some clothes and waited for this friend to stop by.

At just after 8 the buzzer rings and I see 10 people on the little video screen, I pick up and they all start singing (yelling) happy birthday to me over the intercom.

They'd all brought stuff for dinner, took over the apartment while I dried my hair, tripped the breaker with a hair dryer, oven and microwave going and basically gave me the best birthday I've had in ages.

People mostly brought small simple gifts. I'd have preferred no gifts at all since they all prepared amazing food.

Bf got me a ukulele and a new wallet. I love my uke. I've already learned 2.5 songs, I still need to work on one.

Today though, I got into a big argument with bf. I feel like he's really upset with me because I'm booking two longish trips this summer, the one to Paris and the UK and then I have to go back home in N. America for a friend's wedding.

I did ask him if he wanted to come with me for the wedding. He knows that I have mixed feeling about having him along, but when I asked him if he wants to come he says that he can't afford it.

So now, as far as I can tell, part of the reason he's angry is because I'm considering taking a bit longer to travel to visit my sister in asia too (It's super unlikely it would be so expensive).

I don't get it. I don't understand what makes him angry, I don't understand if he's jealous of my trip, I don't understand if he wants to come... and when I tried talking to him about it, it's like going in circles and talking nonsense. At one point he even tried saying that my sister hadn't invited him and that he was offended. It's complete bullshit she did invite him and I told him that too... I clearly remember telling him that if we went together we'd get a bungalow at a cheap rate and if I went on my own I could stay with her in her bungalow (she works in a resort).

Half an hour ago he sort of apologized, as he does, he came in and gave me a hug and kiss. Didn't say I'm sorry or anything though, never does. But I'm still frustrated and upset because I feel like he's blaming me for stuff that I've really tried to be fair about.


Tom said...

Sorry your special day turned sour. Who knows what the issue is. Maybe you're right and he's jealous.

Anyway... happy birthday!

CuriousRob said...

Happy birthday!

When I've been pissy about a SO going sonewhere without me, it's beem because of a combination of genuine concern for their safety without me there to protect them (it's a control issue with me) and insecurity for one reason or another about the relationship. Just a thought. :-)

Advizor54 said...

I think little arguments like this are a sign of the pending changes in both of your lives, your living situation etc. He's probably seeing your trips as a "real" split between you to and isn't handling it well. Stress shows itself in all sorts of strange ways. It's like over-pressurizing a garden hose, you never know where the next leak is going to show up, but you know the water has to go somewhere.

He'll adjust, you'll adjust, and you'll get through it, but he's starting to realize how much he'll miss you while you are gone

james H said...

Happy Birthday. At least part of the day was good. And you have some good trips planned. Do what you want and have fun. N America?

Malcolm said...

Probably Advizor is right. I sometimes wish I had that kind of insight!

However, bf has always seemed to me a rather difficult guy, but then we only hear your side of the story, we don't hear anything from him.