Over the past year my mind has gone through many phases for Rob. I'm not sure it was the same last time but I imagine it was similar.
Between meetings, the hardest part is getting used to the distance. Not so much the physical distance but the intermittent contact that's between us most of the time. I never really get used to it. I hate it to be honest. If I could, I'd have him on an IV drip. Don't ask me why. I don't know. He's my drug, always has been.
What happens though is that my mind starts to settle when I know I'm going to see him again. When I've booked my ticket and things are set. I feel more relaxed and sure of things. Up to that point, no matter how much reassurance I get, I still wonder (and often doubt) if he wants/needs/loves me.
The phase I'm in now is one of tangible desire for him. I often fantasize about him ravaging my body. But that's exactly what it is, a fantasy. I don't always have the images so defined in my mind.
These days I can clearly remember details, smells, sensations. And I crave the simplest of things. A kiss, a bite, a finger, the sensation of his hard cock under his jeans, undoing his belt, slipping a finger under the elastic of his boxers, his eyes watching me of course. It's all so clear.
Maybe I can conjure the images any time I want, maybe it's just a matter of letting myself....