Tuesday, June 26, 2018

How did it go?

So the trip to Istanbul.... It was amazing to see my sister obviously. It had been a year. The bf was aloof the whole trip. It was like a teenager that doesn't want to spend time with his parents on holiday so he sits in a corner on his phone or wanders off on his own to see things without us while we're in a cafe having a drink.

He didn't behave badly per se. In fact I was expecting it to go much worse. I was expecting arguments, big ones. That didn't happen. He left a day and a half before me. This was planned. I wanted an extra couple of days with my sister. He had to get back for work.

My sister and I had the opportunity to talk alone one day. She knows the bf and she has always defended him and tried to convince me to hang onto the relationship. This time however she was different. She mentioned that she could be biased because of what I told her about my paranoia before coming out to Istanbul but she thought that it was basically time for a change. She told me that his behaviour on the trip seemed strange to her. He was acting weird. She had asked him what he wanted to do on his last day in the city and he answered that he didn't know, he hand't researched anything because he didn't want to come. Basically saying that I'd forced him into coming.
On another occasion while my sister and I were in a shop that the boys (hers and mine) weren't interested in, he took off for a pub next door. He didn't mention it to anyone, and when my sister's bf went and found him with his beer, he sat down and ordered one too. My bf got up and walked off to go see some shops. Sure there's a communication problem, the bf doesn't speak much English so they wouldn't be able to communicate much, but really?? he got up and walked away from a guy who sits down with you to have a beer?

I have talked about it with my best friend and I've gone over the options and I've thought about it long and hard. There have been a chain of hints lately that have brought me to the conclusion that it's time to break it off. I keep trying hard not to say the phrase "try to break it off". I am fairly determined this time. I don't know how it will go. I fear it will be very difficult. I can't see any way of breaking a 20 year relationship off easily. I haven't been crying but I did next to nothing today, I just sat on my bed or couch sulking. I have been close to tears. The bf made a surprise visit to my place today and saw that I was lackluster. He kept asking me questions about why I was so down. I couldn't answer. I wanted to tell him right then, I couldn't find my words, it's like I couldn't think of any way to breach the subject. It was also just a mere hour before a lesson and I didn't want to get into it really. I sort of did, but I couldn't find the words.

I'm not sure when I'll do this. I don't know when the best time is, for me or him.  I just want to get it over with and start moving forward.


Ebony Panther said...

I'm sorry it's come to this but IO guess it's been a while in coming. It'll be tough but hopefully, you'll be happier. That's the most important part.

Mike129 said...

I think you will be happier once you break it off and have the opportunity to start something better.

Peter Princip said...

I was watching The Departed last night, great movie BTW, and Matt Damons character says to his girlfriend: "If we are going to break up you will have to do it. I'm Irish and I will live with shit forever."

My daughters boyfriend is always telling her that they should break up. Whenever they fight he drops that bomb. I told her that he is telling her that he wants to break up but is not strong enough to do it so he acts like a dick.

It's hard to see those signals when you are in the relationship, but people outside can see it plain as day.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

1. Never read a blog top down.
Always get back to the point where you stoped reading last time.

Damn! I hate spoilers :p

2. I agree with Peter. I would really try to work things out.
BUT that won't work when you would start at the end of a relationship.
You know Mr. Watzlawick? Some Austrian psychologist, who only became world famous in the US ;) One of his best lines:

"Talk to each other." - Always

While I think that this keeps my relationship alive and happy - even with inevitable arguments from time to time I never felt that way in ur relationship.
You never talked much - try to avoid hurting the partner but hurting both big time managing this way.

3. Bf behavior? - L oooo L

Italians always behave strange! for us.
But avoiding people who want to have a beer with them - no way.
Ever thought about your BF as a sociopath? ;)