Hot to trot?

Horny. Turned on. Aroused. Libidinous. Lustful. Randy.

For the past few weeks I've been all of those and more, without much chance to get any help with it. BF has been out or asleep most of the time that I've been able to have sex. Rob hasn't been around recently. Other online friends have different time zones or I'm working too much.

I think I may have to jump on BF tonight.

I don't think I should continue using RedTube it'll probably just make things worse or wear me out. Watching videos just isn't enough.

Any suggestions?

Eyes Wide Shut

I was watching Eyes Wide Shut last night and it got me thinking.
Apart from all the stuff you can find on internet about the symbolism and dream analysis going on. There was something that caught my ear at one point. I found it incredibly true.

It was a scene where Nicole Kidman and her hubby Tom Cruise are stoned, she's sitting on the floor telling him about her thoughts on a man she had seen at a hotel while they were on holiday. She wanted him so badly that she would have given up everything (husband, child and lifestyle) to be with him even for just a night. She says though that what was weird about the situation was that the love she felt for her husband had somehow been intensified, she says "... and yet it was weird cause at the same time you were dearer to me than ever", and repeated the concept again by saying "...at that moment, my love for you was both tender and sad".

This statement hit a chord inside me. I can't figure out why it's so true. I've felt the exact same way so many times.

The film has an expectedly large  number of people trying to analyze it and dissect it. The one thing that interests me most is the use of colours in the movie. Red and Blue are significantly used during the whole movie but in this scene it is completely evident that these colours in fact symbolize something. They frame Nicole during the monologue. The curtains are a deep red and the window lets in a blue light.

I'm sure there are hundreds of possible interpretations. But I think I'll be doing some research on this.

Syd Barrett

I've been thinking about topics to blog about. I usually go for the sexual stuff. I mean my blog is a "secret diary of an online stripper" but today I honestly don't have any interesting sexual stories to tell.

I do however feel the urge to talk about something I've been reading about, and since this is a diary, I guess I'll bore everyone with this.

I've been reading a book called Comfortably Numb. The inside story of Pink Floyd. It is a biography of the band.

I have been a Pink Floyd fan since I was born. My parents brought me up on it... I had to be... I was born in the late 70s.

The thing that caught me the most was the figure that brought the band together. For those of you who don't have any Pink Floyd background, his name was Syd Barrett. He was this brilliant mind that wrote many of their first songs. He was innovative and psychedelic. He took way too much acid and then got the brunt of it later when he was no longer able to perform. He had been put under incredible corporate pressure to produce and obviously couldn't deal with the weight.

He was one of the few rock stars of that era who didn't die young.

 

He was extremely handsome and was truly a genius. 

He was the epitome of the kind of man I adore, the kind of man that I'd love to love, but would eventually find it impossible.

The thing that caught me the most about his story is that he spiraled uncontrollably into a severe depression and probable mental illness. The story is incredibly sad.

I have seen it in others, including people I've loved. Geniuses have a hard time dominating their minds, The madness is a side effect of trying to deal with all the information, all of the ideas, and how open the soul and mind is to everything.

 

I will not be posting pictures of what he became, because as with most others, I would rather remember him as the genius he was. The pictures of him later in life are sad. You can see the sadness in his eyes with the knowledge of what he had become. He knew (at times) what had happened to him. And that he was, as he had said, a "failed pop star". But many others would like to think that he was smarter than the rest in retreating from the music scene avoiding the decline. His status is that of a dead pop star like Jim Morrison, but he got that status without dying young. 

Shine on you crazy Diamond. RIP Syd Barrett 1946-2006

Are you Awake? The HNT follow-up

Here is the HNT connected to this morning's post. Try clicking ;)

Sorry I couldn't get it out on a Thursday.

Are you awake?

Are you still in bed? Are you hard? No, don't get up. I'll join you. Or maybe I should have you get out of bed and join me in the hall where you'll pin me up against the wall. Turn me around and let me feel the cold wall on my face. Pull my skirt up, run your hand along my thighs and make me spread. Moving it higher you're not shy, a finger grazes, understanding immediately how much I want you.

There's no waiting, no teasing, no anticipation. Just your hard cock pushed slowly but surely in. Sliding easily, filling me, letting me feel your whole length. Your tempo rises, you pound harder, my face and hands absorbing the shock. The wall feels warm now. You grab my hair into a makeshift pony tail, and force me to watch as you fuck me the way that I want you to.

Pulling out, you make me moan for more. You stand back to observe how wet you've made me. Then you turn me around, kiss me hard, lift my legs to straddle you, picking me up. With my back against the wall you kiss my neck, and unzip my sweater to reveal my naked breasts. The house is cold, but your heat is making me melt. You lick and bite my hard nipples but I want more. I'll always want more.

Back to Business

Hello BlogStars!

I'm back from my stressful holidays, and I feel like I already need another one.

Here's the most recent news. And I feel childish, almost ridiculous even bringing it up (like gossiping in high school!). I was eating at the cafeteria the other day with some co-workers and friends. My cute co-worker was there and I happened to be sitting next to him. He pulled out his phone to show us a video he had been working on with a friend so I leaned in to watch... I leaned in as close as I could get. I got closer than I needed to, but he then pulled me in closer by putting his arm around my shoulder and waist. He left it there for the whole viewing of the video, 2:40 minutes. I didn't see much of the video. I was too busy concentrating on his hand.

His hand, in fact, didn't move at all. There wasn't the slightest caress nor touch. The whole arm was just draped artfully and not completely limply over my side.

What to make of it? Nothing to make a fuss about. But it does hop into my mind on occasion.

It reminds me of another such occasion when we had a dinner with friends and he was present. I had a shirt with snap buttons and he walked up to me and did one of the top ones up. Yeah... he didn't undo it, he did it up! But the proximity.... yeah it made me stop in my tracks, and again, I think about it on occasion. These thoughts mostly progress on to other naughtier thoughts, but I'll leave those for another post.

As far as Rob is concerned. I've been in touch with him a few times since I got back. We managed to chat on MSN or Skype. And yes, I'm still hooked as ever. He makes me laugh and brightens my day up.

Yesterday he texted me to tell me that he'd be on in the mornings and I told him that I might be able to get on only Friday morning (if BF goes out). And he whined asking if he'd have to wait that long (which I loved, it makes me feel wanted, needed). I promised him I'd try to get on late nights even though my work load is huge this winter and it'll be difficult.
When I asked him what he wanted to do, he told me that he wanted to chat, make me wet and watch me fuck myself. Which I am absolutely looking forward to. I will just have to find the right time. Try Try Try...

Sexual Tension

Has anyone else noticed that when the sexual tension is high in a long term relationship that sex doesn't happen as much.

Have you noticed that when you physically can't have sex for one reason or another, that the sexual tension melts and things seem to calm down?

Have you noticed that when you do have sex, arguments break out and it seems to be similar to a traumatic experience?

I can't help but notice all of this. Sexual tension seems to complicate things considerably.

I don't get why.