We wandered back towards the centre of town, we still had some time. While waiting at a crosswalk he was behind me, he gave me a little finger flick against my ass, startling me. It was my cue, I hooked my arm around his, I think he was relieved. He didn't move to remove it. We grabbed a cup of tea in a dingy little coffee shop, hoping it would be intimate, but it wasn't, it was the opposite, bright lights, bad decor and full of strange people. We took our tea and went out into the main shopping drag and sat on a bench watching people go by.
We eventually stood up to head back to the train station, my arm hooked around his, he turned to me out of the blue and said, "do you want to hold my hand?". I almost melted at the sweetness of it. "yes".
*to consider how roughly he spoke to me in the previous years, calling me his slut, and wanting to gag me with his cock.*
His hands were small. Rough, tight skin covering the palms. The sensation was harsh against mine but I loved it. I wanted them to touch me, run under my shirt, along my back, down into the back of my jeans.
We finally got to the train station with some time to spare. It was awkward, I could tell we both wanted something to happen. We talked about guilt. He said that he didn't feel guilty about meeting me. I said that there was no reason to, we hadn't done anything. This made me think that he didn't want to do anything to feel guilty about.
Five minutes before the train was supposed to slide into the station, I said that I should go through the turnstile. He agreed and stood up. I stared into his steely blue cool eyes. I searched them for some kind of hint, some clue as to what to do, it seemed like an eternity.
We hugged. It was longer than the welcome hug. I held him tight, I didn't want to let go. As we hugged I looked up at him again, hoping he'd lean in and kiss me, his eyes unpassable, no clue.
We said goodbye and I walked through the turnstile while he watched me. He turned and started walking away, I wanted to call him, tell him to come back. I wanted to kiss him.
As I walked to the platform I contemplated texting him to tell him to come back. I still had 4 minutes. I could make it. I started texting, gave up, not sure, started again, and a train arrived. I had the phone in my hand, I wanted to tell him so many things. I got on the train. It was strange, dingier than the one I came on, seats were set differently, the train announced where it was going, wrong train. I walked off, phone still in hand typing frantically, not getting the letters out, wrong word, correction, right word... Message as follows:
"you should have kissed me"
"Not sure, I was waiting and hoping. This may sound extreme but I'll never forget this, I really enjoyed it, thanks."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it, I was hoping and waiting too but I guess I missed out!"
"It kinda stings to think that we both wanted to..."
"it's too late now hon x"
"lol hon, duh..."
"I think if you made a move on me it could've turned out quite interesting!"
I was waiting for you to make a move, I wasn't sure you wanted to. I didn't want you to feel guilty. but it would have been very interesting
"Yeah but I had a great time and I'm not a pushy type of guy so I'm not worried about it But would really love to fuck you hon xx"
"too bad you're not! I'm not pushy either, I would love to fuck you too hon."
"Good i'm gad you liked me. I was worried you wouldn't."
"I wasn't worried. I wasn't sure you'd like me either. Where are you? I'm almost in London." "Nearly home, gonna say I finished work early. It's all good x"
Damn It still stings.