I haven't had sex in a couple months, maybe 3... and since I came down with the cold I've moved into the guest room. I've never moved in here. It's the first time, with the exception of when we broke up briefly. It's strange, and good at the same time. I think I'll move back into the bedroom tomorrow. But I don't really want to. It just feels right to sleep in separate rooms. I'm not sure he'd agree though.
I moved because I couldn't sleep between being stuffed up, not being able to breathe, having to blow my nose every 3 minutes and him snoring. I was so angry and frustrated that first night I just picked my pillow and blanket up and left. I had stacks of stuff on the guest bed so I had to shovel everything off but I slept soundly and very well.
I've been moving the stuff off and onto the bed every day because of my lessons, I have them in the guest room.
I got word on another apartment, which reminds me I have to answer the agency about seeing it. I'm hoping to see it next week. The hunt is still on, whether I'll find something is unknown, but I may buckle and get something sooner rather than wait for something that I really want. I'm just tired of waiting. I need space.
I often wonder if getting a place is actually going to change anything. Maybe I'll feel trapped just the same. And if I do? then what? do I keep running and get out of the country? And if I still feel funny? Which I'm sure I will since I haven't been home in 15 years, then what?
I kinda feel out of place. Lost. Like I felt when I was 10 and my parents took me away from where I'd grown up. All I wanted was to go home. I constantly have that feeling, I don't think I'll ever get rid of it though.