Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A point of no return?

This is the second time I've started this post. I'm confused and troubled. I've talked to some friends and family but I still haven't really come to full terms with things yet.

Bf opened a dialogue with me over the weekend. He has found a place. He'd basically be leasing to buy a small one bedroom apartment.

Fact is he asked me if he should take it. He laid out various prospects on the table for us. Things that I'd thought of myself, things like leaving the country and starting a business abroad. Traveling during winter and just working the summer here.

I think what everything boils down to is whether I want to lock myself into this relationship. Like my dad said, committing to living abroad with him or making long term travel plans with him is a bit like having a child. It's a hole filler. Do I really want to be stuck living with him in a foreign country with no friend base and he barely speaks the language?

So, the ultimate decision? We get separate apartments for now, then we'll see.
Believe me when I say that I've been agonizing over things for the past couple days. I was in tears the day we spoke when having a family came up. We spoke about having children again and I burst into tears.

As everyone has pointed out, I need to figure out whether I want to continue the relationship. But I'm finding the decision a hard one, slow and hard work. I don't think I'll know until I have my own place. And at that point there may be no going back. He may move on.

It's scary.


Tom said...

It sounds like some time apart is the best thing for both of you.

Advizor54 said...

Change is scary. "Scares the shit out of me" as a friend of mine said. Here are my two cents, if you are unsure of your relationship now, don't have a kid, and don't imbed yourself further by making him rely on you almost 100% for speaking the language and communicating with the outside world. It seems to me that HE, more than you, needs to find a way to engage the world. You are doing fine. As he reaches out of his comfort zone, gets back to work, and decides his direction, you may find more, or less, to tie yourselves together.

It's true that he might move on, but you might move on as well. You both need the time to figure it out. And, as always, I have a big back yard and a tent you can borrow if you need a place to stay.

cammies on the floor said...

Advizor has some great advice, and the fear that he may move on shouldn't motivate you to stay - it's the wrong reason to stay.
Certainly if you question the relationship, kids shouldn't even be in the discussion. They make everything commplicated, not everything suddenly falling into place.
I feel your anguish and indecision in the tone of your words; wish there was an easy solution.

James said...

time apart seems like a good idea. You both need to figure out what you want, and who you want, and where you're going.

if you need a place to stay, i'll put you up someplace close in the midwest, USA and you can be my mistress ;-)