This is the second time I've started this post. I'm confused and troubled. I've talked to some friends and family but I still haven't really come to full terms with things yet.
Bf opened a dialogue with me over the weekend. He has found a place. He'd basically be leasing to buy a small one bedroom apartment.
Fact is he asked me if he should take it. He laid out various prospects on the table for us. Things that I'd thought of myself, things like leaving the country and starting a business abroad. Traveling during winter and just working the summer here.
I think what everything boils down to is whether I want to lock myself into this relationship. Like my dad said, committing to living abroad with him or making long term travel plans with him is a bit like having a child. It's a hole filler. Do I really want to be stuck living with him in a foreign country with no friend base and he barely speaks the language?
So, the ultimate decision? We get separate apartments for now, then we'll see.
Believe me when I say that I've been agonizing over things for the past couple days. I was in tears the day we spoke when having a family came up. We spoke about having children again and I burst into tears.
As everyone has pointed out, I need to figure out whether I want to continue the relationship. But I'm finding the decision a hard one, slow and hard work. I don't think I'll know until I have my own place. And at that point there may be no going back. He may move on.