The secret to good sex is fucking the other person like you want to make yourself cum.
It has nothing to do with getting the other person to cum. Men, I'm talking to you (and women too). Having sex to get a woman to cum is only going to go so far but fucking a woman to get yourself off is by far sexier than anything else I can think of.
The whole point of sex is using. Loving and using... but mostly using. There can be different types of sentiment behind the using I guess: there's sweeter, loving using and just plain bashing using. Either way if you think you're goal is to get her/him to cum, it's not. Be selfish, fighting for that orgasm is where the real passion is. The way I see it, it's that struggle of dominance, one partner over the other, that really defines passion.