Thursday, October 9, 2014

Sex tourism and friends.

Today while talking with a friend I felt really saddened and a little put off by men in general. It's weird because I hear a lot of stuff through the blogs here. I've probably heard it all but today hearing this stuff from a good friend of mine put a fairly different spin on things for me.

I've talked about him before he's the guy I've always sort of confided in over lunch. He heard me whine through the period of the apartment search.

Today he told me all about his trip to Budapest. He went with 6 friends, all men and as it turns out... I had no idea... Budapest is a rather popular destination for sex tourism. He started out by telling me that he had to tell all his friends that he was going to Munich because when he told people Budapest they would all do a "nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more" scene.

He said he'd go back in a heartbeat, that he loved it, beautiful city. And then went to say how all his friends wanted to get off... find some prostitutes and have a go. So one of them bought a porn mag in a newspaper stand where there were supposed to be phone numbers and they called one. My friend, the only one who spoke a few words of English called the number and made an appointment at what turned out to be a massage parlor where they were supposed to offer happy endings.

He told this story laughing. I watched in amazement as he told me this story. I couldn't quite believe he was telling me this. I won't tell anyone else. I'm not that dumb. It would get around fast and right back to his wife with any bad luck.

Anyhow the lot of them went to the massage parlor and they imagined more than just happy ending massages. The front desk explained, hands only, no mouth, no sex... just hands and only massage.

They were all disappointed (no happy ending) except one who came out smiling and they paid a lot of money.

This friend of mine ironically has his own business. He owns a day spa, you can get massages, manicures, pedicures etc. and he says it would cost less to get one at his place, no happy ending of course.

The whole story had me disappointed in men. I found it rather nasty and off putting to be honest. These guys had even looked into paying professionals for sex, but when they got wind of prices he said they were much too high, somewhere around 300 euros. 300 euros doesn't sound like a lot to me.
I told him as much and he said "are you kidding? Here, just down from where I live they're practically giving it away." And that put me off even more. As he told me this, he was very clear that he didn't inquire himself, he put it "the prices I hear going around...".

The price thing especially bothers me because I know that 90% of the girls here are imported on false pretense and they have a whole organization who takes most of the money they earn.

But over and above that whole sad reality, the fact that a group of 6 men, one of which is a friend of mine, went specifically to another country to take part in sex tourism just makes me shudder. I knew it happened, I knew, but I didn't think it was that common. It makes me think that other friends, including the bf do it. I have one friend, who travels often, even with the bf, and always chooses countries (Poland, Holland: Amsterdam, Romania etc...) that are famous for their sex tourism claiming they are cheaper to visit (true) and less tourists go there (also true).

Fact is, if I had to choose between the bf falling in love with another woman and cheating on me that way, or him going and having sex with a prostitute, I'd likely be more upset about the prostitute. Especially if I put it onto equal ground saying unprotected sex in both cases (bf refuses to wear condoms).


JFBreak said...

Let's face it, men are really 14 year-olds with more cash to spend.

Though I share a different view of sex work (I don't frequent prostitutes but feel like it should be perfectly legal and regulated for disease and forced labor), I do see how it could be off-putting to learn that people would visit a foreign country, just for an expensive hand job.

Advizor54 said...

I'm not sure what my wife would be more upset over, me getting the hand job or me paying that much for it. She negotiates everything.

Your friend's story bothers me on a couple of levels, some more serious than others.

1 - If you are going to travel for sex, do it right. There are tours set up that will get you what you want. Don't get ripped off or come home dissapointed, there is a right and wrong way to doing anything, even the wrong thing.

2 - Going to another country for cheap sex is horribly condescending. Taking advantage of women who are poor and desperate because their entire country is in trouble, is awful. I'm not sure what to call it, it's not racism, perhaps sexual imperialism, and horribly privileged behavior.

3 - These men, all men really, need to realize that they are supporting a system of sexual slavery that exploits women. More and more reporting is showing that women in the sex trade in poorer countries are not there by choice. If the woman is not a native of the country the % beign coerced goes even higher. Supporting that business model supports the sexual abuse cycle.

4 - That being said, sex work, as JF says, should be brought into the 21st century and legalized and regulated. Sex workers should be protected, tested, heck, unionized for all I care. I don't have a huge problem with the financial aspect as long as both parties are free to choose the nature of the transaction.

That's my long winded and unsolicited rant about the sex trades.

Do you think you were upset with him because of the search for sex or because the crossed the border to do it? Would you feel the same if they came back from Rome with the same stories?

Leonhart said...

I agree with the legalisation of prostitution.

The ramifications of what doing that wholesale would entail are fascinating;

the taxation of it; the notion of it becoming a viable vocation for young women; how a legalised market would compete for trade

Regarding your thoughts about groups of men going and doing these things, then there's no doubt it's distasteful.

Funny thing is if you consider a group of men (on a stag do, for example) who go to a strip club and pay for a lapdance, I suspect you'd be inclined to look down on the men rather than feel sorry for the woman. All the woman do is strip, grind on a lap perhaps. And they take the cash. And the poor sucker male stumps up and leaves after five minutes. A whole group of guys going out doing that, who do you feel sorry for: the guys or the strippers?

But this is because the stripping is legalised. They are employed, officially.

Do the same thing for prostitution and remove the exploitation element and then we're dealing less with feeling sorry for women and more discussion the motivations of men who go and seek this kind of thing.

Advizor54 said...

After thinking a bit more about this, thought I'd add more personal thoughts on the matter.

I've never gone to a prosititute but I have gone to strip clubs for what I think are similar reasons.

A good stripper, and, I assume, a good prostitute (don't hate me for the comparison) both make their clients feel good emotionally and physically. I good night at the strip club for me had more conversation than dancing. She smiled at me and sat on my lap and listened and laughed at all my jokes. Yes, i was paying her to be with me but the personal touches (no pun intended, but acknowledged) was what made me smile. The sexual part was important, but it was a side bar to just feeling good for a little while.

Plus, it's a lock. You know what's going to happen. you side step the possible rejection, the nerves, the flirting and conversation that drives you to the cold sweats. It takes the pressure off and focuses on the good stuff.

i can see the attraction, I know why men go, It's not about controlling the sexual urge, it's about the ego, and stroking that is a lot more important than stroking anything else.

T Gostea said...

the no condom would be disturbing but other than that the prostitute is the way to go it seems.