Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Another piece of the puzzle.

Last night after a lengthy discussion and argument with the bf I finally figured out one more piece to why we just don't get each other.

The bf has always been angry at me because I often get annoyed when he asks me to help him with his English. He occasionally used to ask me to give him a lesson. *This story actually has a lot of background and has been an issue between us for YEARS and there's more to it than just this but this is what seems to be an important piece of the puzzle* When we were living together, on my weekends or after work he would come up to me and ask me if I would teach him. Fact is that I've always tried to explain to him that it wasn't the right moment. It was never the right moment though. And he resented that a lot.

Last night we figured out why, I figured out why. I kept telling him that if he wanted to learn English with me that I'd be glad to do it but that he had to make it a constant date and time like other students so that I can work around it. He couldn't understand why I had to do that. He doesn't want to become one of my students. He wants it to be something I just do for fun with him yet at the same time he wants a real English lesson structured like a course.

He couldn't get his head around why it had to be by appointment, why I had to compartmentalise like this. He doesn't see how it's work for me.

Fact is that I compartmentalise EVERYTHING. If I'm in the mindset to draw or paint, then I can't switch over and teach or vice versa. If I know on any given day that I have lessons until 4:00 and then I'm free, you've got to bet your best dollar that I've already decided what I'll be doing after 4:00 on the creative front or even just relaxing in front of the computer. But once I've decided you can't make me do something different unless you want to see a really grumpy version of me.

And that's what he was doing. He was asking me, after a day of working or even on a free day when I had things in my mind planned out, to teach him English and I was constantly saying no.

The bf doesn't compartmentalise like that. He is good to do anything anytime, he mixes all his topics together and it doesn't matter if his plans get interrupted and he has to do something else. If I ask him to do something with me he never bats an eye he just gets up and says lets go.

I guess it's good to know. Maybe this will help the relationship out a bit better.


phoenix said...

Plus Its your job. A cake baker probably does not want to come home and bake cakes for people.

Cande said...

That's part of it, sure but I'd be glad to teach him if I already knew that I've got him mixed in with my other students. It would just become part of my working day. I can deal with that.

Advizor54 said...

I've been in IT for 20 years. I'm very good at teaching people who want to learn how to use a computer or piece of software. I'm thrilled to help, BUT, and it's a bit BUT, you have to be a good student.

Sit with me and be ready to learn.
Take me seriously as a teacher.
Listen, because 90% of the time I'm right, and you are wrong.
Don't expect to learn a complicated program in 30 minutes. It took me a long time to learn WHY it works, if you don't care, don't ask.

I totally get you. Stick to your guns.

rica marie said...

I totally get what you are saying, but I totally get where he is coming from as well.

When I was thinking of becoming a massage therapist -- my then boyfriend had recently gotten into a horrible accident that broke his back. He has chronic back pain, and thus always needing back massages. This thought worried me as I knew the last thing i would want to do is come home and massage EVEN MORE than I had been all day. Hnands get VERY tired after a while and I got cramps easily as well.

I knew he would grow to resent me and that is one of the biggest reasons why i chose to delay my interest in massage therapy. Honestly.

I hope you two figure out a way that works for both of you!

New to your blog girl, and loving it already :)

Rica Marie xx