It has been a rough week. It was my birthday last week and I've had some lovely birthdays in the past but this was not one of them. I woke up sad. It was the first birthday I've spent waking up alone in probably 18 years. I was sad the bf wasn't there to greet me with kisses and a surprise. At the very least he'd go out before I woke up so I could have fresh croissants for breakfast. This year we slept at our separate apartments.
I worked a 10 hour day and came home to find he'd he bought me a cake and then he surprised me with a sewing machine. I was exhausted though, we were supposed to go out to dinner but I opted out.
The next evening we went to the bf's nieces new restaurant and they brought out a cake with candles for me. I was blown away. I'd never expected it and I was moved, almost to tears by their thoughtfulness. However all the love couldn't shake the melancholy I had. Living so far from all my family and closest friends had me so sad.
The feeling hasn't quite gone away and it has been compounded by a good friend passing today. I have been crying off and on all day. He was an expat from South America and we had a lot in common. I will miss him immensely.
Not only this but the bf's niece from another brother, the one who has drug problems, is apparently back on the drugs. She'd been clean for a while and she had gotten quite attached to me and was taking opportunities to spend time with me on occasion. She called me last night telling me she wanted to see me and that she'd let me know when she could stop by. Today we get a call from another family member warning us that she'd moved in with a dealer, stopped in at home to physically beat money out of her parents, and was convincing other family members to give her money as well.
I have so much anger and frustration towards her parents, they've fucked up both their kids and I don't know how they manged to do it. I wish I could talk some sense into them.
I am rather overwhelmed with all the emotions going on I've shut myself down by keeping myself as busy as possible today. Watching random videos and movies. Writing this seems to be bringing the emotions back to the surface but it does help purge. I will be hiding under a blanket with a movie as soon as I finish.