Tuesday, May 31, 2016


It was a new goal. He wanted to get me to ten. We'd been sexting for two days, these mad rushes of sexual tension that we needed to let loose. They were frustrated and semi violent fantasies. I couldn't get enough. Then, on day three, I had a student cancel. I was wet and debating getting myself off to thoughts of him ravaging my body. Instead I texted him and asked him to get me off. We had over an hour. 
I honestly wasn't expecting it to go as fast as it did. He pushed me hard and wouldn't let me rest. I came over and over, sometimes one orgasm ran into another. The final number is hazy. He kept track. I tried but wasn't quite with it. 
I was lucky it wasn't too hot here, I'd have melted. I don't know if I'll ever do it again. It was hard core intense. Something that left my body aching for days. My right arm is still getting over the intense work out. My arms, legs, neck and shoulder were marginally better by day three. 

It was fucking incredible and strange all in one. Imagine your mind going blank except for a voice whispering obscenities in your ear, over and over, begging you, forcing you, demanding you cum. Most of the time he orchestrated it all, talking to me. Once he let me do myself, without helping me. He simply repeated he was watching me, though I do remember that one being harder, took me longer. 

I think though that quality is definitely better when it's slower build and fewer. But the experience was to be had. It was hot and I still get wet thinking about it. My mind wanders back to his face peering at me from my computer. I crave him. Constantly. Today especially. Today just him as a friend, though I would totally be up to a good hard fuck, but I could use a hug and his hair to run my fingers through, random chatter or watching a game show trying to play along. Not sure what it is about today, but I'm in need of affection. 


Peter Princip said...

I want...

A fellow Canuck said...

Do you love him?
I have been a frequent reader and I have always wondered if this relationship you have with him is lust or love. Since you and bf have relationship going nowhere why are you not pursuing the one you only talk positive about?

Cande said...

Hey Canuck, Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I have always admitted that I'm in love with Rob. There's no secret there. As for the bf, I love him too. Things are actually going rather well between us right now, I don't speak about him much because this blog was started so I could externalise my thoughts about Rob and it has pretty much stayed that way ever since. As for pursuing Rob, it isn't part of our agreement, as much as I might want to, it would never work.

A Fellow Canuck said...

But if you had to make a choice it would be who?

Cande said...

If you're asking me to say whether I'd drop everything if he randomly broke up with his gf and he happened to ask me to make things official, I'm still not sure I'd be able to answer that. I'd probably ache to say yes. But I also know that in reality, neither of those things would happen. Plus, would I give up my bf's family, my lifestyle here, my job and friends so easily? In an ideal space (no family ties, no work obligations, or connections to cities and lifestyle) I might consider it, but nothing is ideal. It's a bit like asking who would you chose in a divorce (if you loved both parents equally and for different reasons). You can't answer that type of question, it doesn't make any logical sense until you're in that situation and even then the decision can be heart wrenching and complicated.

Belive me Canuck... I've thought about this a lot, my mind has fantasized about it, I've asked myself the same question, but I've never come to a conclusion.

So now, what do you think? What's your opinion?

Fellow Canuck said...

My opinion for what it is worth and it is not worth much is you seemed to be trapped or stuck.
You love one guy you can't have and in a relationship with another guy (bf) that has not evolved much. That is my opinion.
You seem like a good soul that is lost as she moves into her midlife years. I wonder if you will get unstuck. But again I could be all wrong.

Cande said...


I think you've got it summarized pretty well. It's simplistic sure, but yeah, in a nutshell that's it. There are days when I feel especially lost, but there are also days when I feel that I'm in the perfect space. I generally write when I feel lost, I just sit back and enjoy the days I feel content.

Fellow Canuck said...

I like when you write so get lost more often.