Retroflexed and retroverted

I'm not normal, I've always known I wasn't normal. But to this point?

This is a post that may cause some squeamishness... so beware. Do not read on if you don't want to know about my inner workings.

I always knew I had a retroverted uterus (tilted uterus) but my last visit to the gyno brought to light a retroverted and retroflexed uterus. I'm not one for writing medical things regarding my uterus on here, I've never talked about my periods or my reproductive health but today I'm going to break that rule.

A normal uterus viewed from the side looks like a sausage that sits on top of the bladder. A retroverted uterus leans back against the colon instead. A retroverted and retroflexed uterus is folded under itself pressing back even more on the colon.

Below are three images, the first is normal, the second is retroverted, and the third is me.

This condition is painful, to say the least, when my period comes round, not to mention when I'm ovulating. It causes colon problems just about always and apparently it's often a sign of endometriosis and/or pelvic inflammatory disease, neither of which I've been officially diagnosed with but that I (alone) have suspected for some time.

This condition can cause pain during intercourse, and I can testify that when taken at the wrong angle it's excruciating. 

It just plain sucks.

I have a plan though. I'm getting in touch with an american massage therapist. She works in Portland, Oregon, and does Skype appointments on self massages in the ancient Mayan technique of Arvigo. She sustains that the uterus can be corrected through this type of massage. At the very least it should ease some menstrual pain and colon pain.

My gyno appointment cost me 150 euros and was relatively inconclusive (no suggestions on how to deal with the pain)... this Skype appointment will cost me 67 US dollars.... I'm guessing the self massage technique will be more useful (if she agrees to see me and thinks it will help my specific case).

No touching

He sat naked propped on the edge of the bed, sheets in disarray beneath him.
She sat on her knees before him, glasses, thigh high black tights and a black bra, her panties had gotten lost within the sea of sheets.
The room was cool but they were both flushed. Her nipples hardened in the contrast of temperature.

"Hands behind your back baby, no touching. Let's see how you manage like that." He said to her smiling, almost laughing.

His cock was hard as rock and he loved that she could spend so much time with him in her mouth. She had spent enough time to warrant the sheet burns on each elbow.

She, on the other hand, had imagined the scene differently. She wasn't disappointed, but she had wanted him to tie her up. They were both shy and new at this and were working towards it.

She obeyed though, clasping her hands behind her back. His cock jumped in anticipation and she lunged forward to catch him in her mouth and missed. She giggled and buried her head deep between his thighs instead. Licking his balls, suckling them gently into her mouth.

He let her work, he wanted to see how well she'd manage on her own with no hands to help her and she was managing just fine.

She worked her way up his shaft, having to lift her whole body off her calves. She worked him up and down and she could feel her thighs burning from holding her body up. She wasn't sure how long she could manage it, after a short while her legs started shaking.

Sure, he noticed but he wanted to wear her out a little before helping her, then again he wouldn't exactly be helping, he'd just wear her out differently. He watched her as she took him in as far as she could without her hands.

She tried every angle she could think of. She blocked her own airways as often as she could but there really was no way she could get as deep with no hands, she didn't have the leverage.

"Want some help hon?"
She nodded and smiled. "I can't get you deep enough, I want you deeper."

He stood up from the bed and she backed up to make space for him. The room was small and they were basically wedged between the bed and the wall.

"Try leaning against the wall" he said as he took her head in his hand, and she shuffled back just a little further.
"Lean your head back and relax."

She looked up at him and smiled, he leaned in and teased her lips with his cock. She wouldn't let him in just yet. She wanted him to take more control. He slapped her lightly on the cheek with his cock and then grabbed her chin in his hand tightly, digging his fingers between her jaws to make her open.

"Stick your tongue out little slut." He ordered quietly but determined.
"Can I touch myself?" She asked hoping he'd let her.
She was dripping, she loved when he took control.

"No, of course not... That's not how it works" he laughed at her.

She pulled her tongue out and looked up at him not at his cock, straight into his eyes. He pushed so far into her throat right away, so fast and with so much force she wasn't expecting it. She coughed and her diaphragm went into a violent spasm. Her head knocked against the wall and her eyes started to water.

He pulled out as quickly as he'd gone in, letting her catch her breath.

"Sorry hon, was that a bit much?"

A point of no return?

This is the second time I've started this post. I'm confused and troubled. I've talked to some friends and family but I still haven't really come to full terms with things yet.

Bf opened a dialogue with me over the weekend. He has found a place. He'd basically be leasing to buy a small one bedroom apartment.

Fact is he asked me if he should take it. He laid out various prospects on the table for us. Things that I'd thought of myself, things like leaving the country and starting a business abroad. Traveling during winter and just working the summer here.

I think what everything boils down to is whether I want to lock myself into this relationship. Like my dad said, committing to living abroad with him or making long term travel plans with him is a bit like having a child. It's a hole filler. Do I really want to be stuck living with him in a foreign country with no friend base and he barely speaks the language?

So, the ultimate decision? We get separate apartments for now, then we'll see.
Believe me when I say that I've been agonizing over things for the past couple days. I was in tears the day we spoke when having a family came up. We spoke about having children again and I burst into tears.

As everyone has pointed out, I need to figure out whether I want to continue the relationship. But I'm finding the decision a hard one, slow and hard work. I don't think I'll know until I have my own place. And at that point there may be no going back. He may move on.

It's scary.

Lips

His small, worn, rough hand... His strong finger gently teasing my lips. He parts them ever so slightly, slipping between them, running their length.
A delicate pressure and they give way to a warm, welcoming opening, moist with the desire to taste him.
His hand is perceptibly chapped, contrasting the gentleness with which he moves; toying and teasing my senses but teasing it remains. I don't have the privilege of savoring him yet.

I crave him, hunger for him. My body reacts automatically, arching gracefully to accommodate and beckon him in as he makes the plunge. His hand and my body become one, moving in unison only momentarily.

He is him again and I am me but he owns me from the inside out. His finger enveloped in my juices moves so deep I can barely breathe. I want to speak to him, tell him to let me surrender but my mind is lost as my body gives way.

A Week Ending in a Nice Sunday Afternoon.

Written Sunday Eve    

Rob
I decided to take a walk in the park today. It was sunny but crisp and cool, I had my ipod on shuffle with slow but upbeat music. It felt wonderful to have the sun on my face and the liberty to just wander slowly. I thought what a great moment it was and how nice it would be to be able to couple it with good a conversation with Rob. It was just a thought, fleeting really. I set it aside knowing he wouldn't be around on a Sunday afternoon and avoided the disappointment of sending him a text and getting a 'no' back.
I took my walk, happily, taking pictures enjoying the music. Teardrop came on by Portishead. It's a song that we both have a connection to and it made me think of the time he told me he'd heard it on the radio in the car after a great game of golf and how it reminded him of me. I smiled, enjoyed the song and looped back round to leave the park to head home.

I was crossing the bridge over the train tracks when my phone buzzed, a text from Rob with a simple "ok?"
I text him back "you reading my mind?"
I go on Skype and sure enough he's there. We talk, I continue my walk in the sun, I head to another park enjoying the conversation.

He notices my text after we'd been on the phone for 20 minutes and he asks why I had asked if he was reading my mind.

I tell him simply that I'd been thinking of him.

He says that it's not the first time something like that has happened. He didn't go into details, and I know he has texted me before when I'm thinking about him. I've asked him if he's reading my mind on other occasions. A long series of coincidences you might say but he joked that we have some kind of telepathic connection. We laughed about it, was it radio waves, microwaves, or gps, or maybe it's our phones...

Truth is, I think about him a lot and maybe it would be hard to catch a moment when I'm not thinking about him. But what makes me smile is that perhaps he thinks about me enough to warrant similar connection probabilities. Either way, I like it.


BF & Valentines
I woke up Valentines day morning expecting nothing. I was hoping bf wouldn't do anything, it would have been easier for some reason, maybe I wanted an excuse to be grumpy that day. He had to go out that morning and I had a lesson but when I got up, there was a vase with 3 roses and two fresh croissants from the bakery on the table waiting for me. I texted him a thank you some hearts and a kiss, and that we'd eat them together after lunch. He came home happy, though I think he had left that morning a little miffed (not sure why).

Office Guy
Office Guy is back. I was convinced he was getting back on Monday, but it turns out he was back in the office on Friday and I happen to go past his office twice on Fridays. He emailed me after I saw him, I emailed him back asking how his trip went but it's pretty clear that we're just being friendly. He got a weird look on his face when I walked past.

Big Bang
I've been really lazy lately. I've just been zoning out on tv a lot these days. To be fair though, it hasn't really been tv. It's been streaming of the Big Bang Theory.

I have developed a crush on the actor who plays Sheldon Cooper, Jim Parsons, I know... I'm weird. When I first started watching the show I thought I might get a crush on Leonard's actor (Johnny Galecki) because he's seemingly more attractive than the Sheldon character, but in the end Jim Parsons won. He's hot... Ok and he's gay, but who cares. He turns me on. I've always had a weakness for tall and lanky. The character's personality reminds me of my neighbour who is officially OCD. Sheldon is dysfunctional and sociopathic but there's something I really like about him.... ok... so I'm weird, shoot me.

Everlasting O

It's been almost exactly a month since we last had sex. I climbed into bed with him this afternoon just wearing panties and a sweater.

It was good, normal sex. Nothing extraordinary... Except for the fact that I had a different type of orgasm. It lasted forever it seemed to never end. I was working my own clit while riding him and at one point I must have gushed... I drenched bf. I'm not really familiar with the whole gushing thing... But the orgasm didn't finish there it just kept going. My hand and inner thighs were covered in fluids, and so was his cock and balls. When I did finish I'm guessing a good three minutes later, I moved off of him and wanked him till he came.

It was good. It was yummy. I want more Os like that.

Positive Thinking

BF
I've had a nice Sunday. It started last night with a blustery storm and some Big Bang Theory until 2 am laughing and giggling alone sitting in the spare bedroom as the bf got some rest since he's had a nasty cold for the past three days.

I slept until 11 and lounged until noon and then when he was sure I was awake he started playing some new music he downloaded. He's making an effort to listen to new stuff recently. I'm not sure what's gotten into him, maybe the whole moving thing has him thinking he needs to change.

Whatever, it was nice. The music was good. He then quizzed me on all his new songs to see if I knew the artists and song names. I knew most of them. We then headed over to the 500 best songs of the century on the Rolling Stone Magazine site and he quizzed me from there. Letting me hear a snippet of the song and asking me who the artist was and the title of the song. We probably played for 4 hours. Just listening to good music and laughing together.

Office Guy

He's gone for the next three weeks. I'm kinda relieved. He'll be in Mauritius. I envy him. I want a warm vacation in the water.... diving, watching cuttle fish and octopus and nudibranchs.... man, I'd love to be diving right now.

Rob

I haven't really heard much from him recently. I miss him and I've been studying ways to get over to the UK. I have found a course I want to take over there, it's an art course. There are a few dates I could go for, but the most likely one is July. It seems so far away. I'd happily go in April or May, but I can't find what I want until July. I'll do some more research and see if I can go more than once.
I know... slap me on the wrist. I'm terrible. Plus I might have to go back home for September this year which is going to be an expensive trip so going to the UK twice as well would just be expensive... but I don't really care. The flight won't be too bad, I'm looking at about €130 It's the hostel costs for over a week that will be expensive.

Other stuff

I'm in a pretty positive mood. I'm confident I'll find a place perhaps soon, maybe not so soon. But I will find something. My dad has been good at keeping me positive. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. I just have to be confident that things will happen, and they will... It's that simple.