Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Stealing glimpses

We caught each other stealing a glimpse today.

I do it when I'm standing in doorways. I often stand in doorways at work, it looks less suspicious to my boss. I can relax there but move into another room, a room I should be working in, quickly.
It's also an excellent vantage point to see around the whole studio space. See what everyone is doing.

Today we were both standing in doorways. I was standing in one, and Co-Worker across the room in the other. We were both distracted, looking at people or things, and then I turned to look where he was looking, and right then he did the same. Our eyes caught, held for a moment and then I looked away.

I don't know why this stands out in my mind. We often look at each other, we often stare into each other's eyes for fun, doing it purposely (the staring contest type thing). But this was different, perhaps because we were both trying not to be noticed by the other.

Friday he asked me to have lunch with him, we went together but we were joined by two clients and so we were not alone.

Today Bf did something that made me cry.
He's been telling me that he wanted me to listen to a song since the "break-up" and today he finally got up the courage to play it for me.
It's a song I know well, and I even knew what song he was going to play, it's an Italian song. It's extremely sweet. And yes, when he played it for me, I cried. He asked me not to make fun of him, and he told me to listen to the words. I knew the words, I've heard it a million times, but I wasn't really expecting to cry.

Last week while bf was constantly out of the house Rob had time and I had time to get on line, his internet was down. It was unfortunate, but not as frustrating as it could have been. I tend to keep my expectations low these days, otherwise I get worked up for nothing.
He wrote me today saying how quiet I've been. It's true I haven't sent him text messages or emails even in the past while. I've just been busy, and concentrated on other things I guess. I think about him constantly, I just don't act on my thoughts as much as I used to. I wonder if I've just recently come to terms with everything.... I mean emotionally. I'm not as anxious about him as I used to be. I like this feeling a lot. It's comforting.

1 comment:

Ethan Lambert said...

I think I know that feeling. Like a hole that someone was constantly patching now stands a chance of being permanently filled... that doesn't mean you didn't appreciate what the patcher did or that you don't desire the patcher in ways that have nothing to do with just filling in voids... hell, maybe the patcher himself will permanently fill the hole, who knows? But you start to walk the line of needing the patcher less, and hoping the patcher realizes that needing him less doesn't mean wanting or thinking about him less.

I'm sorry, that was possibly the most incoherent and rambling comment I've ever written. I'll stop now :-/