Maybe it's normal after a 17 year relationship. Maybe the romantic gestures die out and what's left is awkward or ritual interaction.
In bed this morning the bf and I were probably both looking for sex but rather than holding and kissing and hugging, rolling around and playing there was uncomfortable poking fingers 'playfully' in my face, there was leg entwining and pushing, almost forceful and painful. There was a tablet being pushed against my nose. There was absolutely nothing sweet about it.
No caressing or snuggling no nestling or spooning... Just annoying, and sure, 'playful' interaction. And I chastised him for annoying me, so he left.
It's been like this for years too. It's like we are brother and sister taunting each other instead of being sweet.
With Rob it was easy and natural. How can I bring that back into our relationship?
I am also to blame for this situation, it's not a one way street. I think that I often put the bf off of that kind of interaction because I felt like it always had to lead to sex. I didn't want to feel forced into it and that's how I felt. Every time he came close to me I felt this moral obligation to follow through. I don't know if it was imagined or real... I think at some point I felt it became real. I know it didn't start like that.
I didn't feel that with Rob. I didn't ever feel that obligation. No matter what type of interaction it was.
Maybe we need to talk about it. Maybe I should bring it up, the question is whether I have the guts.