On my last few nights in the States, while in bed and dozing, my mind would wander to co-worker and of course Rob. The whole situation seems strange to me now because the focus of this blog has been on Rob for so long that I've almost created a double personality in him... I mean it's like he's actually rob and his real self at the same time... does that make sense?
Anyhow I digress... I wanted to say that my thoughts tend more towards co-worker these days than Rob. I think it must be because Rob is sort of there... I know he's there and he won't go anywhere. I've finally understood that and I don't worry anymore about where we stand. I love this new level. It's reassuring and safe and sexy because I can still have my fun with him, he knows exactly what I like what I want and he gives it to me wholeheartedly.
On the other hand though he occupies less of my thoughts.
I was almost worried about going back to work, worried about seeing co-worker, excited I guess too. I missed him. He sent me one or perhaps even two texts throughout the whole trip. The last one said something to the effect of "how's it going? take your time to think. There's no rush"....And I still have no idea what it means. I must have mentioned to him that this trip was sort of a pivotal point for me, that it would be a decision breaker of sorts. But I don't remember telling him. Things get to be such a blur after a while with all this stuff going on. I wonder if I wrote about it in one of my posts about the trip to Greece.
Anyhow yeah, I went in to work Friday and had butterflies every time he came near me. It was frustrating because often I couldn't really function in that state. I would crack stupid jokes and I felt stupider. I have to keep my head on.
We got a chance to talk after work for 5 minutes, I wanted to go to lunch with him, but it wasn't possible. He is leaving for a holiday next week and the week after, so it'll be another 2 weeks before I get to see him... There are just so many things I want to talk to him about. Sooo many. It's frustrating with all this technology around that I don't feel comfortable contacting him on an email. I'm worried his gf will see it.