Thursday, September 8, 2011

North America trip

Hey everyone in blogger land!!

I'm back from my 7 weeks in North America!

It was crazy. In every respect, and I apologize for not writing. It was a busy trip.

We did a sweeping tour of the States and Canada. I went home to visit some remaining family and I went to visit many friends.

Bf and I didn't get along all the time. We had quite a few terrible arguments. I thought this trip would help me understand the relationship but so far I'm feeling the same as when I left. I hope that things will get clearer as I try to work through my feelings on the blog. I do feel a little more objective though and here is what I've understood:

I have understood that the massive arguments come under stress and fatigue. I understand that they accumulate when we can't talk about them or don't. While we were travelling we were with people almost 100% of the time so it was difficult to argue or to work out minor problems.

But the big arguments are horrible and I'm not sure it's worth staying with someone when we are so incompatible in terms of communication. During those arguments I threaten to leave him sometimes or vice versa he threatens to leave me, but I really do wish at those times that I could leave him at those times.
When we are on better terms, I feel like he is important to me, that he is an attractive man, but I am not attracted to him anymore.

The sex that we have is always good (I always reach orgasm), but I am not into it. His seduction techniques haven't changed in over a decade and are just not working on me anymore. Although his foreplay and sex style have changed a little and that is a good thing. He knows exactly what I like. We are in tune in terms of sex.

My friends and family tried their best to make him feel comfortable and at ease, they were constantly looking for things that he would enjoy doing. He didn't understand that most of the time. He didn't see it. When he did notice it was only in circumstances where the people were physically doing things for him, like laundry, driving, physically taking him places etc... He didn't notice if they were trying to cater to his restaurant tastes, or trying to understand what kinds of activities he was interested in, or what he might have liked to see on his holiday.

The trip was catered to him. I did very little of what I really wanted. I saw the MOMA in NY and that's about it. I dragged him to various museums that I thought HE might be interested in like the natural history museum in NY and my home town, the Exploratorium in Sand Fran and other such things. He did enjoy them, but he automatically thought that I wanted to see them, but he didn't understand until the end that I was taking him there for his own benefit.... not for mine.

Ok.... that's enough analysis for today.... I will be back with more soon.

7 comments:

Joe Nobody said...

GLAD YOUR BACK!

Advizor54 said...

You've said volumes in this short post. It's coming time for a decision.

But, without being too serious, I am completely glad that you are back.

Osbasso said...

Glad to see you made it home safely! Hope that, in spite of what you document here, you had a great time overall!

Hate to ask...how close did you actually make it to Montana?

Cande said...

Joe: me too!!

Advizor: Yeah I hope to clarify more soon.

Os: The closest was probably interior BC in Canada I guess... I was in the Kamloops-Kelowna area.

Johanna said...

Welcome back Cande! My first thought is that if a long vacation, new impressions, fun cities and meeting good friends and family equals increased stress on the two of you, instead of relaxation and a shared experience that you both enjoy - then perhaps it's not meant to be. But there are always two sides to a story, pros and cons, shades of grey... I know it's not easy, and no decision will be completely right. Just don't wait for him to change, or demand that he change, because he won't.

At least now there's nothing ahead of you that you'll have to wait for before making a decision - except unwinding and sorting through the impressions, of course :-)... anyway, glad you're back!

Cande said...

Thanks Johanna! It's quite nice to be "home" or whatever I should call it.
I think you're right. That the holiday should have been more relaxing, but also as you said there are grey areas. 90% of the difficulty and stress come from communication difficulties that bf has, he doesn't speak the language, so he can't understand what is going on half the time.
Anyhow I will have to work through things and see what comes of it yet again.

wayne said...

i really feel sorry for you

ataying with this jerk

but it seems like you want to stay

with him