Hey everyone in blogger land!!
I'm back from my 7 weeks in North America!
It was crazy. In every respect, and I apologize for not writing. It was a busy trip.
We did a sweeping tour of the States and Canada. I went home to visit some remaining family and I went to visit many friends.
Bf and I didn't get along all the time. We had quite a few terrible arguments. I thought this trip would help me understand the relationship but so far I'm feeling the same as when I left. I hope that things will get clearer as I try to work through my feelings on the blog. I do feel a little more objective though and here is what I've understood:
I have understood that the massive arguments come under stress and fatigue. I understand that they accumulate when we can't talk about them or don't. While we were travelling we were with people almost 100% of the time so it was difficult to argue or to work out minor problems.
But the big arguments are horrible and I'm not sure it's worth staying with someone when we are so incompatible in terms of communication. During those arguments I threaten to leave him sometimes or vice versa he threatens to leave me, but I really do wish at those times that I could leave him at those times.
When we are on better terms, I feel like he is important to me, that he is an attractive man, but I am not attracted to him anymore.
The sex that we have is always good (I always reach orgasm), but I am not into it. His seduction techniques haven't changed in over a decade and are just not working on me anymore. Although his foreplay and sex style have changed a little and that is a good thing. He knows exactly what I like. We are in tune in terms of sex.
My friends and family tried their best to make him feel comfortable and at ease, they were constantly looking for things that he would enjoy doing. He didn't understand that most of the time. He didn't see it. When he did notice it was only in circumstances where the people were physically doing things for him, like laundry, driving, physically taking him places etc... He didn't notice if they were trying to cater to his restaurant tastes, or trying to understand what kinds of activities he was interested in, or what he might have liked to see on his holiday.
The trip was catered to him. I did very little of what I really wanted. I saw the MOMA in NY and that's about it. I dragged him to various museums that I thought HE might be interested in like the natural history museum in NY and my home town, the Exploratorium in Sand Fran and other such things. He did enjoy them, but he automatically thought that I wanted to see them, but he didn't understand until the end that I was taking him there for his own benefit.... not for mine.
Ok.... that's enough analysis for today.... I will be back with more soon.