So I had a dream the other night. It was the weirdest sexual dream I've had in a while. Keep in mind that I'm still jet lagged and therefore have these sort of waking dreams that turn into full dreams and then mutuate because I'm half awake again.
I was very turned on before going to bed and was hoping to sex bf up that eve but he fell asleep before I could get to him. But in the wee hours of the morning as I was drifting in and out of sleep I started circling my clit. I got this mental image of my clit getting erect and from there it grew into an almost full sized cock... ok to be honest it wasn't full sized, but it was long enough that I could actually hold it in my hand.
I have always wanted to know what it feels like to have a cock. And I think I know now. It was kinda cool. I think I have penis envy a bit... I don't have a brother, but my best friends as a child were always boys and I think I must still have some of that left.
I had some pretty passionate sex the next morning too, it was good of course, it always is when I start it... I feel horrible saying that, but bf just doesn't do foreplay very well. The rest works just fine.
I have however, come to the conclusion that I will be leaving him. I just have to do it. I've talked to way too many people who have talked me into it. And I've heard the same advice so many times now.... but one thing that stood out was this: "If you don't see things getting better in the future, get out now on your own terms, don't wait longer than you have to, it'll be better for you and him. The faster you move on, the faster he can move on and the better it will be for the both of you".
I know. I'm sure I've heard this before, I'm sure someone here has told me this or something along these lines, but this time it hit a chord.
I have a terrible schedule in the next few weeks. My sister is coming to visit next week while I have a week off work and the week after that I'll be working full time again. I'm not sure when I'll manage a break up and move, but I'll have to. I really feel like it's time to move on.
I've been getting back in touch with my best friend back home recently and she has started a sort of illicit correspondence with one of our huge high school crushes that we both had sex with before she got married and I moved out here. She has been sending me copies of both of their emails and I find it fascinating.
The thing that struck me the most was the fact that both he and she call their partners the sun and moon in their lives. I honestly don't feel that way about bf. And I wish I could. I honestly don't think that I love him as much as he deserves to be loved. And if I think about it enough, I may even feel a bit guilty about staying on so long.
On a completely different note, I'm liking the new interface for Blogger, have you guys tried it out yet?
It's something like what Wordpress has got. It does seem a little easier to get around and generally see everything.