Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How To?

So right... um I'm in one of those states where nothing makes sense and I want to fix everything and make things better.

I think I may have to go see that counsellor. I want to end things with bf but I don't want to just sit down at dinner one evening and say "honey, I'm leaving you".

I need to figure out the right way to do it.

I do have that urge sometimes though... I just want to get it over with.... do it and cut it all short.... But then other times I know that he has feelings and would be devastated by the news. So I need to figure out the right way to do this. The language is also a problem. In that it's easy for me to forget about tact, my feelings are not appropriately attached to this language sometimes.

When I said that co-worker thinks I should leave the country it's not really like he wants me to leave, but he gets the feeling that I'm not settled and that I'd have better opportunities elsewhere.... which is probably true. He also says that he's getting the feeling that I won't be staying on at work for much longer.... I don't know if that's wishful thinking or what.


Eden said...

There is never an easy way to break up with someone: you could choose the best words and the most appropriate setting but at the end of the day, it's always going to sting. And in your case, I really don't think it's a matter of how to break up, but a matter of when. You've been unhappy for ages and fantasising about splitting up for ages....but you never go through with it or take active steps to make it a reality. Maybe if you got your things in order (packing up your possessions, etc) it might really gear your mindset for the reality that you are splitting up. Because otherwise I feel you are using this as an excuse for delaying the split. I could be wrong, but the history of your blog tells me that I may not be.

I'm not saying this to rile feelings understand. Just saying it the way I see it. From what I understand of you from your blog, I can't say with confidence that you'll not use the time to doubt yourself, change your mind later and stay in a relationship that doesn't satisfy you.

But by all means, good luck.

Cande said...

Thanks Eden... that's very true. I do tend to do that... I fully realize that. Let's hope this time I manage to go through with it... I feel more determined, and a little more distant from things this time... doesn't mean I'll manage though.

Advizor54 said...

I will agree with Eden. As my brother got ready for his divorce I gave him very similar advice, "Start packing." My thought was that you have to build mental separation before making the physical break. As you pull "your" things out of the "our things" pile, it becomes real, and less terrifying, because you see that "your" things are you.

You'll see your art, your books, your life emerge from the collective and you'll see that you are going to be OK.

And you will be OK. You are too wonderful not to be.

Fresh Garden said...

So true! Vigorously nodding my head in agreement!

cheshirecat said...

Honestly Cande if you don't break up with him I will unsubscribe from your blog. I understand that it's not just breaking up, you've been with this guy for over a decade so it's like a complete 180 change in your lifestyle but you have to do it or your life will keep stagnating and to be honest I'm tired of reading about it. He will be devastated no matter how you break up with him so the sooner the better. Some tough love, I know. I was in a relationship like this for 2 years and since I've broken up with him I've been thriving and enjoying my life.